shallow thoughts by csolly: August 2002

Friend: herro! SeeSolly: hi Friend: how's the week been? SeeSolly: horrid Friend: why? :-( SeeSolly: my uncle died - killed by a drunk driver SeeSolly: just got back from funeral Friend: i'm sorry Friend: you holding up ok? SeeSolly: haven't had much time to think about it, to tell you the truth SeeSolly: but i have a splitting headache, a stomach ache, my neck hurts SeeSolly: so, i'd say the stress is getting to me Friend: damn Friend: you going to MA for the weekend to relax? Friend: or stayin near family? SeeSolly: no SeeSolly: but i am going away SeeSolly: upstate to a cabin in the woods on a lake w/ some friends Friend: oh Friend: that sounds good Friend: do some swimming Friend: sailing SeeSolly: yeah Friend: and nude tanning SeeSolly: ha

There's been a death in the family. I'll be out of town for the next few days and not online much. ... But, in an effort to lighten things up just a little (as I'm quite quite quite stressed out now), here's a conversation last week between Matt and Marcia: "I'm thinking about moving to Queens." "I love Queens. Queens in The New Brooklyn." "Yeah, I guess it is. Brooklyn is The New Manhattan." "Staten Island is still Staten Island." "Is the Bronx just the Bronx? Actually, the Bronx IS The New Queens. What's Manhattan then?" "Manhattan is The New Tokyo." ..... Oh, yeah ... and I'm a readhead now. ..... She doesn't even read this blog, but I want to send a big thank you to Amy who was too sweet and drove me back from Boston at a very early hour yesterday morning. It meant the world to me. Also, thanks to everyone in Boston, especially Heather H and Nora, for all your support. And thanks to Marcia for coming to see me in the park last week. And thanks to Heather K for having me for dinner next week. Too many people to thank. I have the best friends; I'm one of the luckiest girl in the world.

I can't sit still. Ever since I got home yesterday afternoon, I haven't been able to stop moving. I did 5 loads of laundry and cleaned out 4 of my 'junk corners.' I started 3 different movies and couldn't sit on the couch long enough to finish a single one of them. I tried taking a nap a few times, but could never relax enough to fall asleep. I decided to treat myself to dinner out, and instead of ordering in, I walked out to get it. I didn't sleep well last night. Shortly after I wrote that last post, I left the house for what turned out to be a 2-hour walk. I'm still not very tired, though I'm sure I got a great workout. (I wonder how far I walked ...) Someone, a tranquilizer, please.

... i can't sleep ...

Deja vu. All over again. Well, today didn't go as I'd planned at all. Today is the 1-year anniversary of the start of this blog. I was so excited about it that yesterday, while at work, I drafted a post for today. (I combed my archives for highlights, wrote quippy remarks about my first post, found some cute illustrations to go along with it.) I can't publish that post. Because it's on my work computer. And, today, I lost my job, so I can't really get to that cute little file I made. So, let's recall August 21, 2001 ... "I have no job. I was laid off from a ~~dot-com~~ education company ~~in mid-July~~ today and I am actively seeking an editorial position of some sort in New York City. I hate being unemployed." I'm really disoriented today (as I was the day I was laid off last year), so I don't have too many clear thoughts on the subject of my newfound unemployed status. I'll share them when I can make sense of them.

I'm feeling a little better. Still quite up-in-the-air, though. And I'm skipping volunteering tonight. It probably would perk me up, but I'm feeling kind-of anti-social. Heather and I turned my apartment upside down this weekend, and it'll make me feel good to go home and clean a bunch of it up. I almost always feel better when my home is in order.

I'm lost. And stressed. And rejected. And tired. ...

Have a great weekend! I have a great one planned. Tonight (I think) I'll be hanging with a few girls that I roomed with my freshman year of college. Then, tomorrow, Heather is coming to visit me, and we have a lot of fun stuff to do. We're going to have dinner at our favorite Indian restaurant, watch my new favorite movie (which she hasn't seen), go dancing, and pick up her new kitten! (We might even squeeze in a photo shoot with our favorite toy.)

Can someone explain to me what this is? http://www.austinpowers.com/.../http/seesolly.blogspot.com/

Would we rather be constantly and completely happy or complex and at times, pretty pathetic and tragic? Jenn's vote was for complex. Happy all the time would be boring, she said. I have to agree. I think it was a character in Vanilla Sky who said something about having to taste the bitter to appreciate the sweet. (Heather Hunter)

I'd vote for happy all the time. I think that's the whole point of living, being happy. I don't see what's wrong with that. I mean, this is a strange hypothetical question to ask (maybe Heather can clarify). Would I rather change my life right now to be one of those things? Or born into one of those choices? If it's change my life right now, I think I have enough (not a lot, but enough) wisdom to know how lucky it is to be happy and bright enough to appreciate it when it happens. So, if I had to make the choice right now, I'd go for deliriously happy. And if I were to be born one, I'd also choose happiness. I understand that Heather's point is that to be able to appreciate some things, it's beneficial to go without. I can do without the tears and aching heart and mind-bending dilemmas, though. Do I have to stick my hand in a fire to know that it would hurt a lot? I'd certainly have a better appreciation for others who've burned their hands, and the scars would give me character. Does that make me a better person? (Maybe it does ... I'm thinking out loud ...) And boring? How on God's green earth is being happy boring? When I'm happy, I'm usually doing something far from boring: dancing at a nightclub, enjoying a nice evening in a park, watching a favorite movie, having a long talk with a close friend, playing golf with my family. I could go on. Heather, weren't we talking about how great we're doing now, being happy? Is it cooler to be mopey/tragic than try to turn your life toward happiness and enjoy it? Is it easier?

Hey, New Yorkers, looking for something to do tonight? Head over to Bryant Park around 7:30pm for a free performance by India.Arie and a film of last year's Jazzfest. (I haven't decided whether I'm going or not. Might be too hot. Let me know if you're going and maybe I can catch up with you.)

Now that I'm home and have already completely forgotten all that silly work stuff ...

I have a new toy: the Swiffer® WetJet. (Boys, it uses batteries! It is like a toy!) I hate mopping and this will solve all my problems. In the floor-cleaning arena, anyway. So, Caryn, does this mean your apartment will be sparkling clean every time I come over (which is almost never)? Yes, it will be clean whenever you get your toches over here. (I looked up how to spell that, toches.)

I am not feeling well. I've been wanting to leave work for several hours but I stayed because we were going to send a press release. (I send press releases.) Now we're not doing it at all and I'm free to go home. Now. At 5. Why couldn't they have figured this out hours ago???

People! Listen up! If you ever see Paul have a contest, enter. You will probably win. I've entered two. I've won two. I won both because I was the only one who entered. So, give the guy a break, enter his contests. Otherwise, I'll just have to keep all the prizes for myself ... wait a minute! What am I telling you all this for? ...

I'm so sorry I can't find an article on this, but last night I saw a story on the TV news about how Mayor Bloomberg has started to put an old (unused) Bronx prison as emergency housing for homeless families. A bunch of people interviewed in the story -- particularly the people who were using the facility -- were not happy about it. They were saying they did nothing wrong and shouldn't be housed in a prison, a place designed to keep people inside. Others were in favor of it. I think it sounds like a great idea. It's emergency housing. It's a place with (I believe) 89 beds that aren't being used. There are toilets, a food prep area. I don't know much about the mentality of homeless people and what kind of pride issues they may have with it. I've talked to a few police officers in the last few weeks about the homeless people I see on the street, and they told me that the street people that they approach to offer to take to shelters often refuse. (And, might I add, the police don't seem too interested in helping homeless people. Last time I approached a few officers about a man I had seen down the block that looked in bad shape sprawled across the whole sidewalk, the officers gave me a snarky look and said, "Yeah, they do that.") What do you think about an out-of-use prison being used as an emergency homeless shelter? edit: Good Man Paul has found some articles. (I mustn't have tried very hard ...) A Jail Becomes a Shelter, and Maybe a Mayor's Albatross Jail Reopens as a Shelter for Families

I am now in posession of one gorgeous, but very freaked out, kitten. Had my other cat not also been the type to freak out, I might be worried. But I'm not. I'm keeping him in the bathroom for now, while he calms down. (I don't want him to run into a closet or under some furniture so I can't find him. He can be freaked out all he wants, as long as I know where he is.) He really is a great-looking cat. He has wide gray stripes, highlighted with sparkly sliver lines. Really precious. As soon as he lightens up, I will take some pictures to share with you. Why do I keep getting cats with anxiety disorders??

My blog looks like crap. I'm so sorry I've brought you in to such a messy home. But with imood, tag-board and my goddamn movie news all down, there's not much I can do about it. Please forgive.

THE FRIDAY FIVE 1. Do you have a car? If so, what kind of car is it? I did. I sold it. It was a 1996 Pontiac Grand Prix. Red. 2. Do you drive very often? Not anymore. 3. What's your dream car? Hmm ... I'm not a big car buff (unlike some people), but maybe this one. 4. Have you ever received a ticket? Yes, a few. Countless parking tickets, and 4 speeding tickets. ... I guess that's more than a few, huh? 5. Have you ever been in an accident? Yes. Just one. Four college kids and an elderly grandmother traveling at 50mph from Boston to St. Louis, via Syracuse and Buffalo, hit an icy bridge and the whole car spun around a few times, knocking the guardrail each time. Dad: "Get the headlights repaired before you get back on the road." Me: "Dad, I don't think I can. The damage is pretty bad." Dad: "Just do it." I didn't. I couldn't. We got stopped by the cops 3 times in Illinois about the lights. When we finally arrived, Dad: "Ah. I see why you didn't get them fixed." Car was pretty totalled, but everyone was fine.

Looking to waste a few minutes? Try the Spear Toss. My best was 506 (meters? feet?). Will got to 509. How far can you throw it?

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego?
Find out @ She's Crafty

As you may have read, I have had a crummy couple of days. Things have been very good and happy for me this summer -- had a lot of fun and made some great personal accomplishments -- so it was bound to get a little ruffled at some point, right? I'm trying to let it all slide, but this morning things were topped off when a man pushed me down the last step of the subway staircase to get onto his soon-departing train. Someone, please tell me being pushed down the stairs is a weirdo good omen, like having a bird shit on you. I need things to turn around.

Well, the baby aside, I've had a disappointing couple of days. Here's hoping yours have been better -- and that mine will improve. :D

Friday night, I had a really nice evening. One of those great ones where you feel stepped back from all the craziness and can enjoy some peace for a little while. Funny that I found peace in an extremely heavy rainstorm. A good friend and I escaped her un-air-conditioned living room for the cool comfort of her Astoria stoop, from which we watched lightening for hours. It was just nice. I didn't do that much else this weekend. I was quite the sloth. Watched some movies, some more Sopranos, napped. I did get my ass off the couch to go to a birthday party Saturday night, and made it to the deli for some sorbet yesterday. That's about all I have to report ... besides the very exciting baby news, of course. ;)

More happy news for Sassy and Weasel. Their baby, Hunter Elizabeth, was born last night. Mom and babe are safe and healthy. I'm going to visit them after work. Congratulations, guys!!!

See! Mommy: I'm glad it's Friday too - we are going to Strausenfest downtown on Saturday (someone Dad worked with is playing in one of the bands) and on Sunday we are playing in a KofC golf tournament. SeeSolly: hee hee - strausenfest - like i mentioned oktoberfest in my post! - it's the beer, i tell you! not the band! Mommy: you're probably right

THE FRIDAY FIVE 1. What is your lineage? Where are your ancestors from? I'm roughly half German and half Irish, with some French and Welsh tossed in there. 2. Of those countries, which would you most like to visit? I've been to Ireland, France and Wales, so I'll go with Germany. 3. Which would you least like to visit? Why? I liked them all very much. 4. Do you do anything during the year to celebrate or recognize your heritage? Not really. (Unless you count St. Patrick's Day and Oktoberfest, but I think my dad just likes them for the beer ... hmmm ...) 5. Who were the first ancestors to move to your present country (parents, grandparents, etc)? I am the 10th generation of my family to be born in this country, so my great⁷grandparents.

I watched Donnie Darko last night, and it was sooo good. Recommended to me by a film geek, Donnie Darko is a fabulous movie. It was produced by Drew Barrymore, which makes me like her more than I did before. Jake Gyllenhaal does an amazing job as Donnie, and is now a new favorite actor of mine. Lots of other great performances. Cool special effects. Lots of surprises and just a fun ride. Go rent it. Now.

shallow thoughts by csolly

Wednesday, August 28, 2002

Monday, August 26, 2002

Thursday, August 22, 2002

Wednesday, August 21, 2002

Monday, August 19, 2002

Friday, August 16, 2002

Wednesday, August 14, 2002

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

Saturday, August 10, 2002

Friday, August 09, 2002

Thursday, August 08, 2002

Wednesday, August 07, 2002

Monday, August 05, 2002

Friday, August 02, 2002

Thursday, August 01, 2002

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