shallow thoughts by csolly: October 2001

Monday, October 08, 2001

Everything seems too trivial to post here. Sorry I've been slacking so much. Nothing that's going on in my personal life seems to be worth posting after all that's gone on. I guess I should just get over that and get back to posting like I was before, huh? OK. Today marks the first day of Week 2 at work. I had a good day. Got some work done, had lunch with a friend. A lovely, quiet day. Um, instead of recapping the past few weeks when I didn't post or tell you much, I'll just start here and now. Look for daily updates again. :)

Wednesday, September 26, 2001

See the movie "Memento." It blew my mind. I don't want to build it up too much, but if you have seen it, write to me because I would love to talk about it.

For any lurking stalkers out there to whom I do not have contact directly, just to keep you informed, I got a job. I start on Monday. I'll leave it to you to figure out where.

Tuesday, September 25, 2001

eleanorfb: hey there See Solly: hi :-) See Solly: what color is your shirt? eleanorfb: RED See Solly: did Napoleon lose many battles in his life? eleanorfb: only one counts, the battle of love See Solly: how do you make a souffle? eleanorfb: you have to break a few eggs See Solly: do you think Jeff might be gay? eleanorfb: there is absolutely no chance that he's not See Solly: is it dangerous to clean the bathroom without ventilation? eleanorfb: only if tripping is a danger to your buttoned up way of life See Solly: how long would it take you to walk to Logan airport? eleanorfb: forever, because right now every direction takes me AWAY from the airport See Solly: why don't squirrels like to eat grass? eleanorfb: because it smells like dog pee See Solly: why does will smell like dog pee? eleanorfb: because he's into a kinky type of golden shower See Solly: when will lee get a job? eleanorfb: as soon as they start paying people to watch porn in the dark on big screen tvs all day See Solly: what is your favorite book? eleanorfb: anything by the Marquis de Sade See Solly: what was the name of Harry Truman's secretary? eleanorfb: Lola See Solly: was she a showgirl? eleanorfb: yes See Solly: are people following me? eleanorfb: no, you're not that interesting See Solly: (hahahah) have you seen all of the Godfather movies? eleanorfb: I MADE all of the godfather movies eleanorfb: (sorry, had a phone call) See Solly: who called you? eleanorfb: karen kimball See Solly: does she like kink? eleanorfb: kind of, but only the kind that involves ink See Solly: are you feeling patriotic at this very second? eleanorfb: I have on my flag underwear, does that answer your question? See Solly: no. but thank you for helping me finish my homework. this was a werid application they made me fill out for my new job. what funny questions they ask. eleanorfb: ha ha

Monday, September 17, 2001

Sorry I haven't posted much recently. I've had a lot on my mind, as we all have. I'll have something to say soon.

Saturday, September 15, 2001

I want a record of what I have seen and done over the last few days. I don't want to write about my feelings now. Maybe another time. This is just what I have seen and done. Tuesday, September 11, 2001 • Adam Pearlman was the first to send me an instant message saying "oh my god" and telling me to turn on my television. • I went to my roof to see the WTC. A pregnant woman, named Janette, was also on the roof with her video camera. I went down to my apartment and grabbed a disposable camera that had a few exposures left on it. I finished the roll. I saw the towers burning and the smoke stretching for miles. I stuck a tape in my VCR and began videotaping the news. • I ran to the store to get the film developed (not sure why I thought I wanted them so fast). By the time I got back, the fist tower had fallen. I went to the roof again, and saw one building standing where I had seen two less than half an hour earlier. • I came back to my apartment and saw the second tower fall live on television and cried. • I went to the hospital near my apartment to donate blood. There was already an enormous line. I left my name and phone number on a list and went back to my apartment to wait. • The airports were closed, but I heard a few planes overhead and knew they must have been fighter planes. Wednesday, September 12, 2001 • I was glued to the television most of the day, though I did go to church. • That evening, while with friends on Long Island, we saw the threat against the Empire State Building, which turned out to be false, and we all decided not to watch any more. Thursday, September 13, 2001 • I went into Manhattan for the first time. With Heather and Sassy, we took supplies to Chelsea Piers. From a list we got off the Internet and money Sassy had collected from About, we had gone to CostCo and bought baby powder, tissues, Neosporin and Power Bars. Heather drove us in through the Midtown Tunnel, where police checked our trunk. I was quiet in the back seat. I have never seen so many policemen and women. The city was bustling. We drove to the piers where many people were dropping supplies off. I also brought shirts, pants and sneakers from my closet. Friday, September 14, 2001 • I went to church again. • I had a job interview on Long Island. It was nice to do something that felt normal. • I met friends and went to Union Square. (On my way in I could see one of the fighter planes patroling the skies while the President was in the city.) Thousands of people. Thousands of candles. Signs that read "Arabs are not the enemy" and peaceful sayings. Many signs and pictures of missing loved ones. Bagpipes played 'Amazing Grace.' Hundreds of candles laid in the shape of a peace sign, and a small black cat nearby. A statue covered in flags, chalk signs of "LOVE." Candles huddled around trees and people sitting, praying, writing. People singing. People crying. We hugged, kissed, prayed and cried together. This is my experience here in New York so far.

Thursday, September 13, 2001

I was talking with my friend Heather last night about how scared I am and how I'm not sure where to go from here. She helped me realize a lot of things that I want to share with you. We are lucky. There are so many people directly affected by this, it's monstrous. But we each are still here. It could have been any of us, and we have to thank God, if you believe in Him. And, because we are the lucky ones -- because we are alive -- we have a responsibility to our country and all of our American neighbors to be the ones to keep it running and get us through this. We have to grieve and appreciate what is happening, but for everyone's sake, it's up to us to get the USA back to 'normal.' Do you know what I mean? I'd be happy to elaborate in a different way if I'm not making sense or have a discussion about it. Anyway, I have resolved to have a normal day today. I haven't been into Manhattan yet, and I think I should go, even though I'm pretty petrified. I wish I had more money to be pumping into the economy right now. We can't be scared. If we're scared, they win. We can't go through life scared.

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

[[:: Terrorist Attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon ::]] What is going on??? I can't believe this is all happening. FAA has shut down all flights in the US. This is amazing. I just went to my roof to see the view of the towers. I took some pictures ... I can't even wrap my brain around this. ... I'm too stunned to cry.

I am poised to have a really productive day. First, I plan to give my dirty, nasty apartment a good once-over. I bought a mop a few weeks ago and never used it -- that will change today. I can't promise I'll get all the laundry done, but we have to set our goals high. Second, I plan to apply for lots and lots of jobs. I didn't look all weekend or yesterday, so I have a bit of catching up to do. OK ... Here I go ...

Monday, September 10, 2001

Once upon a time, there was a little crayon. She lived in a box with a lot of other crayons of all different colors. She liked living there, but one day decided that she wanted to leave and have an adventure. Her friends waved goodbye and her crayon mommy cried as she walked away. On her adventure, the little crayon came upon a big box of markers. The markers also came in a lot of different colors and were very friendly. The crayon had a lot of fun with the markers; they drew really pretty pictures together and even helped decorate a costume together. Sometimes, though, the crayon really missed her friends and family. When the markers would talk about missing caps or having their ink run, the crayon felt very out of place. When she talked about needing to be sharpened, the markers could not relate. She missed having other crayons around that really knew and understood her. What’s a little crayon to do?

I like writing out my feelings. It helps me make sense of them and really get to the center of my stupid little problems. I think I want to go back to sleep and pretend I'm employed in my dreams ...

Sunday, September 09, 2001

Ever feel like all life is is waiting ... waiting for something to happen ... You wait in line to get your food for lunch, you wait on the subway on your ride to work, you wait on hold to talk to someone, you wait at traffic lights, restaurants ... you wait for the commercials on television to be over, and the only reason you're watching TV is because you're waiting for it to be bed time or waiting for the time when you can go out and meet some other people ... and wait and wait ... Maybe it's just me. I feel like a lot of my life is waiting. How do I make it so there's less waiting and more moments worth waiting for?

shallow thoughts by csolly