shallow thoughts by csolly

See the movie "Memento." It blew my mind. I don't want to build it up too much, but if you have seen it, write to me because I would love to talk about it.

posted by Caryn @ 9/26/2001 09:53:00 AM

For any lurking stalkers out there to whom I do not have contact directly, just to keep you informed, I got a job. I start on Monday. I'll leave it to you to figure out where.

posted by Caryn @ 9/26/2001 09:51:00 AM

eleanorfb: hey there See Solly: hi :-) See Solly: what color is your shirt? eleanorfb: RED See Solly: did Napoleon lose many battles in his life? eleanorfb: only one counts, the battle of love See Solly: how do you make a souffle? eleanorfb: you have to break a few eggs See Solly: do you think Jeff might be gay? eleanorfb: there is absolutely no chance that he's not See Solly: is it dangerous to clean the bathroom without ventilation? eleanorfb: only if tripping is a danger to your buttoned up way of life See Solly: how long would it take you to walk to Logan airport? eleanorfb: forever, because right now every direction takes me AWAY from the airport See Solly: why don't squirrels like to eat grass? eleanorfb: because it smells like dog pee See Solly: why does will smell like dog pee? eleanorfb: because he's into a kinky type of golden shower See Solly: when will lee get a job? eleanorfb: as soon as they start paying people to watch porn in the dark on big screen tvs all day See Solly: what is your favorite book? eleanorfb: anything by the Marquis de Sade See Solly: what was the name of Harry Truman's secretary? eleanorfb: Lola See Solly: was she a showgirl? eleanorfb: yes See Solly: are people following me? eleanorfb: no, you're not that interesting See Solly: (hahahah) have you seen all of the Godfather movies? eleanorfb: I MADE all of the godfather movies eleanorfb: (sorry, had a phone call) See Solly: who called you? eleanorfb: karen kimball See Solly: does she like kink? eleanorfb: kind of, but only the kind that involves ink See Solly: are you feeling patriotic at this very second? eleanorfb: I have on my flag underwear, does that answer your question? See Solly: no. but thank you for helping me finish my homework. this was a werid application they made me fill out for my new job. what funny questions they ask. eleanorfb: ha ha

posted by Caryn @ 9/25/2001 09:26:00 AM

Sorry I haven't posted much recently. I've had a lot on my mind, as we all have. I'll have something to say soon.

posted by Caryn @ 9/17/2001 01:08:00 PM

I want a record of what I have seen and done over the last few days. I don't want to write about my feelings now. Maybe another time. This is just what I have seen and done. Tuesday, September 11, 2001 • Adam Pearlman was the first to send me an instant message saying "oh my god" and telling me to turn on my television. • I went to my roof to see the WTC. A pregnant woman, named Janette, was also on the roof with her video camera. I went down to my apartment and grabbed a disposable camera that had a few exposures left on it. I finished the roll. I saw the towers burning and the smoke stretching for miles. I stuck a tape in my VCR and began videotaping the news. • I ran to the store to get the film developed (not sure why I thought I wanted them so fast). By the time I got back, the fist tower had fallen. I went to the roof again, and saw one building standing where I had seen two less than half an hour earlier. • I came back to my apartment and saw the second tower fall live on television and cried. • I went to the hospital near my apartment to donate blood. There was already an enormous line. I left my name and phone number on a list and went back to my apartment to wait. • The airports were closed, but I heard a few planes overhead and knew they must have been fighter planes. Wednesday, September 12, 2001 • I was glued to the television most of the day, though I did go to church. • That evening, while with friends on Long Island, we saw the threat against the Empire State Building, which turned out to be false, and we all decided not to watch any more. Thursday, September 13, 2001 • I went into Manhattan for the first time. With Heather and Sassy, we took supplies to Chelsea Piers. From a list we got off the Internet and money Sassy had collected from About, we had gone to CostCo and bought baby powder, tissues, Neosporin and Power Bars. Heather drove us in through the Midtown Tunnel, where police checked our trunk. I was quiet in the back seat. I have never seen so many policemen and women. The city was bustling. We drove to the piers where many people were dropping supplies off. I also brought shirts, pants and sneakers from my closet. Friday, September 14, 2001 • I went to church again. • I had a job interview on Long Island. It was nice to do something that felt normal. • I met friends and went to Union Square. (On my way in I could see one of the fighter planes patroling the skies while the President was in the city.) Thousands of people. Thousands of candles. Signs that read "Arabs are not the enemy" and peaceful sayings. Many signs and pictures of missing loved ones. Bagpipes played 'Amazing Grace.' Hundreds of candles laid in the shape of a peace sign, and a small black cat nearby. A statue covered in flags, chalk signs of "LOVE." Candles huddled around trees and people sitting, praying, writing. People singing. People crying. We hugged, kissed, prayed and cried together. This is my experience here in New York so far.

posted by Caryn @ 9/15/2001 12:43:00 AM

I was talking with my friend Heather last night about how scared I am and how I'm not sure where to go from here. She helped me realize a lot of things that I want to share with you. We are lucky. There are so many people directly affected by this, it's monstrous. But we each are still here. It could have been any of us, and we have to thank God, if you believe in Him. And, because we are the lucky ones -- because we are alive -- we have a responsibility to our country and all of our American neighbors to be the ones to keep it running and get us through this. We have to grieve and appreciate what is happening, but for everyone's sake, it's up to us to get the USA back to 'normal.' Do you know what I mean? I'd be happy to elaborate in a different way if I'm not making sense or have a discussion about it. Anyway, I have resolved to have a normal day today. I haven't been into Manhattan yet, and I think I should go, even though I'm pretty petrified. I wish I had more money to be pumping into the economy right now. We can't be scared. If we're scared, they win. We can't go through life scared.

posted by Caryn @ 9/13/2001 08:00:00 AM

[[:: Terrorist Attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon ::]] What is going on??? I can't believe this is all happening. FAA has shut down all flights in the US. This is amazing. I just went to my roof to see the view of the towers. I took some pictures ... I can't even wrap my brain around this. ... I'm too stunned to cry.

posted by Caryn @ 9/11/2001 09:54:00 AM

I am poised to have a really productive day. First, I plan to give my dirty, nasty apartment a good once-over. I bought a mop a few weeks ago and never used it -- that will change today. I can't promise I'll get all the laundry done, but we have to set our goals high. Second, I plan to apply for lots and lots of jobs. I didn't look all weekend or yesterday, so I have a bit of catching up to do. OK ... Here I go ...

posted by Caryn @ 9/11/2001 08:38:00 AM

Once upon a time, there was a little crayon. She lived in a box with a lot of other crayons of all different colors. She liked living there, but one day decided that she wanted to leave and have an adventure. Her friends waved goodbye and her crayon mommy cried as she walked away. On her adventure, the little crayon came upon a big box of markers. The markers also came in a lot of different colors and were very friendly. The crayon had a lot of fun with the markers; they drew really pretty pictures together and even helped decorate a costume together. Sometimes, though, the crayon really missed her friends and family. When the markers would talk about missing caps or having their ink run, the crayon felt very out of place. When she talked about needing to be sharpened, the markers could not relate. She missed having other crayons around that really knew and understood her. What’s a little crayon to do?

posted by Caryn @ 9/10/2001 11:12:00 PM

I like writing out my feelings. It helps me make sense of them and really get to the center of my stupid little problems. I think I want to go back to sleep and pretend I'm employed in my dreams ...

posted by Caryn @ 9/10/2001 08:59:00 AM

Ever feel like all life is is waiting ... waiting for something to happen ... You wait in line to get your food for lunch, you wait on the subway on your ride to work, you wait on hold to talk to someone, you wait at traffic lights, restaurants ... you wait for the commercials on television to be over, and the only reason you're watching TV is because you're waiting for it to be bed time or waiting for the time when you can go out and meet some other people ... and wait and wait ... Maybe it's just me. I feel like a lot of my life is waiting. How do I make it so there's less waiting and more moments worth waiting for?

posted by Caryn @ 9/09/2001 09:55:00 AM

Yeay yeay yeay! I went out last night and got to see everyone I wanted to! I saw Biren and his grilfriend and met some new people and had a great time! And then I caught up with the other crew and had a great time with them. (I even went to Webster Hall, just like I said I wasn't going to! :P) And now I am completely exhausted. I'm going to go to the diner in a few minutes for breakfast. [And, I did not check my email when I got in at 5-something in the morning! Go me!] Ugh ... I'm SO tired, but in a great way.

posted by Caryn @ 9/08/2001 01:31:00 PM

How in the world am I supposed to get dressed to go out if I don't know where I'm going? I hate being poor. It's really starting to bug me that I can't do even half the things I wish I could. It's tiring and it makes me sad. I try not think about it much. I went and laid out in the park for a while this afternoon and got some sun. I am in the weirdest mood. This AIM conversation can sort of explain it: See Solly: i am in the weirest mood ... it's happy, but kind of flustered and confused ... See Solly: just thought i'd share Friend X: share, share... :-) See Solly: for example, i have about 100 social engagement options for this evening, none of which are finalized, and that's not really a bad thing at all -- it's quite good -- but still confusing Friend X: so popular :-) See Solly: i've interviewed for a bunch of jobs -- which is also good -- but i don't know where i stand with any of them really -- hence, confused Friend X: I understand what you're saying See Solly: so, for example, i am not sure what i should be doing right now See Solly: i should probably take a shower, but i wouldn't know what to wear once i got out Friend X: decide first, then shower See Solly: but if no plans are finalized, i can't decide! :-P are you understanding this craziness yet? See Solly: :-) Friend X: aha... I get it And my neck hurts ... I'm going to take a shower anyway, even though I don't know what to wear when I get out.

posted by Caryn @ 9/07/2001 06:00:00 PM

I saw Marc Summers of Nickelodeon's Double Dare fame at the restaurant I was at for dinner tonight. But that was far from the higlight. Danny the Guitar God is in NYC and it was awesome to see him. We're all going out again tomorrow night (dancing somewhere other than Webster Hall). OR, I could be going out with Biren and Kirsten. Who knows! The world is full of possibility! AND tomorrow I have my interview at Acclaim to be a video game tester, which sounds totally kickass. I can't wait. Life is pretty good tonight. :)

posted by Caryn @ 9/07/2001 12:55:00 AM

Today is Lex's first day of school and I'm sure she's doing fine as long as she hasn't gotten stabbed by a 3rd grader yet. I went out for dinner with her and Heather last night. Tomorrow I have a job interview to be a video game tester which should be fun. And Guitar God Dan is in town today and through the weekend. And Biren and his girlfriend will be here tomorrow. And that's a lot of stuff. Must go back to sleep and rest up for it all. I hope I get a job soon ...

posted by Caryn @ 9/06/2001 12:45:00 PM

I woke up as a lion today. I have been practicing my roar. It's not too scary yet, but it's getting there.

posted by Caryn @ 9/04/2001 02:19:00 PM

Oh, let's see. I went to the bookstore this morning, and then went to the diner for breakfast. (I had forgotten that it was Labor Day and was stunned for a moment when I walked in to find the diner practically full.) Then I came home and worked on my online portfolio, typing in lots and lots of articles I've written, and there's more coming. Then I returned some videos and went to the grocery store. Then I watched "Cruel Intentions." And that brings me back here, to the computer. And so it goes.

posted by Caryn @ 9/03/2001 11:07:00 PM

Monday, Labor Day, I'm not working today. Went to CT for a lovely picnic with Eleanor's family yesterday. I had a great time. And now I'm back home, still have a cough, and I'm doing research for my job interview on Wednesday. I need to call Mom and Dad -- I have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to business information. And, I just found that an article I wrote that made its way onto the Internet, is still there. I've saved it this time, so in case it actually does get taken down, I still have it. Read it.

posted by Caryn @ 9/03/2001 12:26:00 PM

Whoa - Deja vu: Friday night/Saturday morning, coming home from dancing, checking email before going to bed. Bad Caryn! [slaps wrist] Bad Caryn!

posted by Caryn @ 9/01/2001 05:16:00 AM