shallow thoughts by csolly: August 2001

I have gotten up around 7 every day this week, I think, and I have done my job search from about 7 to 8:30 or 9. You know what's great about getting up so early and doing it so early? No distractions. Few people are online yet to chat with me, so I am free to do my search uninterrupted. And then I have the rest of the day to chat. Of course Lex, that early riser, was up and online today to chat with, throwing off my while morning! Oh, I'm just joshing. She is going to be a teacher in a few days and she is going to be great. Cold is almost gone. A little stuffy still, but the every-time-I-stand-up-or-move-at-all headaches are gone, thank you God. Going dancing tonight, getting very excited. I just have to finish altering a shirt to wear. I took a cool 3/4-length shirt and made it into a tank top. I sewed one of the sleeves last night and have to finish the other today. I have no idea why I like taking scissors to my clothes so much, but this is the rationale I always use when I have scissors in-hand, trying to decide whether or not to make that first snip: • Do I currently wear this item often? [Most common answer: No.] • Am I ever going to want to wear this item again as-is? [Most common answer: No.] • So, if I'm not going to wear it anyway, and altering it might make it into something I will wear, why not take the chance? [Most common answer: That's a good point ...] So, now I have a new tank top to wear tonight. :)

Sassy's hauling my ass, willingly, out to dance again tomorrow night. I'm going no matter what, I just hope I feel better. I think I will. I feel better today than yesterday. The real problem is what am I going to wear ...

Day 3 of my sickness (Well, day 5 if you count the first two days of sore throat) - I still feel pretty crappy, thanks. I can't breathe too well. Didn't sleep well again, and had to sit up every time I wanted to cough. This is terrible. I never get sick! And now anyone stumbling around the world wide web that trips on this blog will think I'm sick all the time. It's just not true. Ask any of my friends. Oh, but, I did get a job interview yesterday. The interview is next week and the job would be writing business descriptions for investment purposes. It's on Long Island, but it's really close and I kind of like the idea of driving to and from work. Oh, and no, I never head back from the moving company, even after I emailed them inquiring about the position I interviewed for. And I never heard back from that recruiter, either. But I have a job interview next week. Let's smile! ::cough::hack::cough:: Now that the daily job-search is done, I am going back to bed. [Post-script to yesterday: Jessica woke up sick, too. Think there's something going around, yes ... Stay out of New York City for fear of the hacking-sore-throat-stuffy plague!]

I hate being sick. I felt fine when I went to bed, but I have not been able to sleep at all. I feel awful. I told Jessica that tomorrow (er, today) I'd feel better and go to the park with her. I think I might have to cancel. :( I feel terrible ...

Right now is one of those times when I can't decide what I want to do right this minute. Do I want to eat something? Blow my nose? Go back to bed? Watch a movie? Read my book? Keep surfing online? I have no idea. I have a cold that started as a really sore throat the other day, but now has taken over the rest of my head. I haven't used this many tissues all year. I want it to rain again. I had fun propping my chin on my window sill and watching it out my window. I hate summer. I am very ready for it to be over. I can't believe September is only a few days away. Ramble, ramble, ramble ...

I love being inside, warm and dry, when it's pouring outside and I can watch it from my window. It's coming straight down, no wind. A neighbor across the way just closed her window. One ... two ... three ... The lightning landed three miles away. A car alarm breaks the patter of the rain, the drip from a drain.

I woke up this morning and felt a really bad day coming on. I wanted to get out of my apartment so badly, but I didn't know where I wanted to go. I wanted to drive -- the subway is a big turn-off today. I wanted to be alone, have a lot of room to move around and be inside, preferably. So, I hopped in the car, not sure where I was headed, and ended up at a suburban shopping mall. It was perfect -- quiet, empty, air-conditioned and people left me alone. I guess, as much as I sometimes wish I wasn't, I am just a suburban chick at heart and need a bit of that every once in a while.

I just added a gallery of pictures to my site. I wish I had a means of getting more onto it, but let's just be happy I have this much right now. :)

Not surprisingly, I just watched "Fight Club" again today for about the 567th time. People wonder how I can watch a movie so many times. "Fight Club" has so many interesting aspects to it, and what I usually do is choose one to focus on and watch the movie looking for things related to that theme. [Warning: Some spoilers ahead.] For example, one day I might watch it looking for clues to the ending. The closer I pay attention, the more things I will catch that I never did before. (I had to watch about 10 times before I ever noticed the flashes of Brad Pitt toward the beginning of the movie, but maybe that's just because I'm not that bright.) Or maybe I'll watch it looking for bits and pieces of Buddhist philosophy, like things relating to the theory that once you have lost hope and all your posessions are you truly free. Or maybe I'll watch it trying to decide whether it really is an anti-female movie. Today, though, I watched it looking to see how, even though Ed Norton's character is the one the audience is to sympathize with, he really is not a nice person at all. He goes to the support group meetings just as falsly as Marla, and yet he is so hypocritical in his intesne critisism of her attendence and not of his own. He treats her terribly, sleeping with her and then tossing her out callously in the morning. Also, he has no friends to call when his apartment blows up, which makes me think this might be because, um, he's rotten. He already has some destructive elements in his personality, that it's easy to see how Tyler could just take them to the next level. I like to talk about this movie, so if you have any thoughts to share, please send them along. (I have yet to read the book, which is really silly -- I should go buy it tomorrow -- and if you've read it, I'm interested to hear what you have to say about it.)

Just got in from a night of dancing at Webster Hall. 'Twas a lovely evening, and I'm lame for not being able to go to bed without checking my email. I gotta let go, man.

I was just on the brink of a meltdown. My world was about to be turned upside down, and I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it. Not sure what I was going to do with myself if the conclusion I was drawing from the discovery I made was correct, I had to sit down. Ever since I got Ozzie, I had noticed some weird skin on his tummy that stood out a little, but just thought it was a little bump. And I never thought to look and see if there was actually more than one. Then I was playing with Mocha, Heather's cat, yesterday and realized she had them too -- nipples! Ozzie's a girl! I thought. I flipped out! Do I changed his name? Do I still call him Ozzie and just get used to calling him a her? It was really blowing my mind. But boy cats have nipples too. Phew. I almost lost it, but all is right with the world now. The sky is blue, grass is green, I am single, and Ozzie is a boy. Wait a minute ...

Didn't get home until after 3 this morning. (I'm not sure why I'm awake yet because I decided it would be a good idea to watch a movie when I got home, which I ended up watching more than half of.) It was cool to see everyone that was there. I drove, which everyone looked at me funny for, but it was great because I didn't have a drink all night and thusly burned no hole in my wallet. Drinking Cokes is the way to go. And I was able to drive everyone home at the end of the night, which everyone always appreciates. Reminded me of giving people rides home from the Free Press at 2am. Ozzie is sleeping in my underwear drawer again. The other day, he was sleeping in there so soundly that when I went to pet him, he jumped so much that the dresser shook which ended up knocking the power strip for the computer out of whack and turned the whole system off. Made me laugh. It's hot today ... And I have every intention of getting out of the house this afternoon. And I mean it today.

Matt and I had this football game when we were little. It was not a good game, but I did like it. It was just a bunch of dots -- swear to God, one little pixel for each player -- that you had to somehow get down the 'field' without confusing it for another one of your own team players (dots). And now, in the year 2001, people aren't even impressed by 16-bit graphics unless it's got an accompanying soundtrack by Pop Star o' the Moment. Funny to think how stardards have changed so quickly. Just a few weeks ago, when the temperature topped 100, and Amy and I tried to sleep in my A/C-less apartment, we were suffering. And Amy saw "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn," on my shelf and remembered that people 80 or 90 years ago didn't have A/C and they lived and complained probably less than we do. Funny stuff ...

Still haven't gone for lunch, but my neck feels better. I'm going to a party celebrating (?) Lex's last day at work. It will be nice to see people. I told Eleanor this, but I feel like, since I got laid off, that my Boston friends, who never stopped being an active part of my social life, have come back to the center. Maybe it's just because I've visited so many times lately for long weekends, and Mike was here, and Amy visited, and I had dinner with Will ... This is all making sense now. Why was I confused?

My neck hurts and I'm hungry. I think I'm going to go get lunch in a few minutes. Dinner with Will was lovely last night nad then I stopped by Heather's on my way home. (Why does my neck hurt so much?) I've been working on the site a lot again today for no particular reason except that I'm having a burst of energy for it. I redesigned most of the pages on the site, updated the movies page and added a new one today. Going to take a shower now. Maybe the hot water will make my neck feel better. Later!

La dee da ... redesigning my web site ... so much fun. Meeting Will for dinner later. Sassy's trying to convince me to go dancing on Friday. She's starting to convince me.

Well, I wish I had been doing this all along, but I'm doing it now, so that's better than nothing. Let's see ... where do things stand as of today, August 21, 2001? I have no job. I was laid off from a dot-com in mid-July and I am actively seeking an editorial position of some sort in New York City. I hate being unemployed. Some days it's fun, but most days it sucks because you have all the time in the world to do things, and no money to play with. I have no boyfriend. I don't feel like discussing that at this very moment. I have no clean underwear. And the elevator is broken in my building, which means I'd have to carry any clothes I want to clean all the way outside the building and around to the side entrance, which will not be happening. Ah, bikini bottoms. The most recent excitements: - Rob moved to California on Sunday. It's like he's living in a web-casted nudist colony. I'm sure he's having a blast. - Jessica sprained her ankle. Poor thing, but she's walking pretty well. So long as it's better within a week and a half when she starts teaching. :) - I found a parking space on my first trip around the block this morning. Toodles.

shallow thoughts by csolly

Friday, August 31, 2001

Thursday, August 30, 2001

Wednesday, August 29, 2001

Tuesday, August 28, 2001

Monday, August 27, 2001

Saturday, August 25, 2001

Friday, August 24, 2001

Thursday, August 23, 2001

Wednesday, August 22, 2001

Tuesday, August 21, 2001

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