shallow thoughts by csolly

OK, now that I've calmed down, here's the scoop: I've accepted a job as editorial assistant at Beliefnet, which is located in midtown Manhattan. I'm very excited about it for a lot of reasons, the main one being that it's exactly the kind of work I want to be doing; I'm going to be writing daily newsletters and in charge of maintaining parts of the web site. They also seem excited to have me, which has been incredibly flattering. A funny coincidence is that I accepted the job offer six months to the day after I lost my last job. Strange, huh? It's been quite a trying six months, and I'm so thankful that it's over. I never could have kept my chin up without the support of my friends and especially my parents in Missouri. I'm very lucky to have all of you in my life. And, in order to celebrate with my two biggest cheerleaders, I've just decided tonight to make a trip to StL for a long weekend next weekend, before the new job starts. Just reserved my plane tickets a few minutes ago. (I got a decent fare even on such short notice.) I can't wait. I feel like I have a lot of loose ends to tie up this week, so I think I'm going to be running around like a happy little crazy lady. Hooray!

I GOT A JOB!!!!!!! Details to come later, but right now I'm busy jumping up and down, screaming and yelling. I'll get back to you when I'm done.

Life is hard, man. Sometimes so hard that all the Advil and yoga in the world can't make it go away. Hugs might do it, but Ozzie's not much of a hugger. I know a lot of you are going through some rough stuff of your own right now, too, and my thoughts are with you. Maybe if you send me some good vibes, and I send you some good vibes, we can all come out of this on top. Sooner, rather than later. Cheesy, I know. But right now, I could really use some cheese. And wine ...

Got back last night safe and sound. I'd try to write this better, normally, but I'm kinda pooped, so I'll just tell you what happened. I was going to DC for the weekend with Jess & her mom (purpose of trip was to pick up Jess' little sister's car which had broken down and been repaired down there). I was looking forward to the trip all week for so many reasons. I love hanging out with Jess. I was excited to get out of town to somewhere that wasn't St. Louis or Boston. I wanted to spend hours and hours going through some of the Smithsonians with Jess. And I wanted to see the missile launcher parked next to the Washington Memorial. Ride down on Saturday morning was smooth, almost no traffic. We were staying in Annapolis with Jess' aunt & uncle and cousins, all of whom are really nice. It was one of the cousins' birthday Saturday, so we all went out to dinner, had some drinks, bowled, good times. (I bowled one of the worst games ever, but it was OK because I still had fun.) Then it started to snow. It was a good thing that we all went out on Saturday night because we didn't leave the house again until our return trip on Tuesday. It snowed all night Saturday ... all day Sunday ... most of the day Monday. Insanity. They said it was an all-time record for Baltimore. We had to dig out of the house because each of the doors -- including the garage -- were covered with snow drifts too high to open any of them. The highways were all clear, but it was the local roads that were a problem -- the snow was so high that regular plows didn't do much good so everyone had to wait for the big guns to come around, which they said could take days before they got every road. If you didn't have 4-wheel drive, you weren't going anywhere. Luckily, we had gone down in a 4WD SUV, and were able to push out on Tuesday (after a few more inches had fallen that morning.) We had gone down to pick up a VW Jetta, but we left it behind because there was no way it could get anywhere on the local roads. All in all, I did have a good time, even though I didn't get to see the missile launcher. Jess' family was extremely nice and welcoming, and I felt very at home there. We sat around, drank wine, watched some TV, played in the snow, read some magazines. Didn't do a while heck of a lot. But, to be snowed in, I'd rather have been in a big warm house with a lot of peop'le than in my little hole in the wall all by myself. Drive back was also uneventful because there were so few cars on the road. So, now I'm back, working on the contract job that I've been hired for and still looking for a real job. Same ol', same ol'. Feeling the stress. I'm trying so hard to find work, and it's just incredibly frustrating. Especially since I've been looking for so long. I really hope something comes along. I've been keeping up a good attitude, for the most part I think, but that is really getting exhausting. I just want it to end. The contract work is good though, a nice transition back into working. And I'm getting paid. Cha-ching. Drop me a note and say hi. I'd love to hear from you.

Snowed in. In Annapolis. There's about 3 feet. I'll tell ya more later, but I'm having a lovely time, staying warm and won't be back til NYC til it's safe. Ciao.

Terror of War and War on Terror Yesterday, I posted an away message that read, "i'm pretending that the world isn't coming crashing down around us," in reaction to the nonstop chatter about terrorism and war. I started to think, though, that it may not be like this everywhere, but people here can't seem to shut up about it. Newspapers and TV news are splattered with messages about the subway being a target mentioned in terrorist communications; only half of the city's police have been trained in counterterrorism because of lack of funding; how to make your own terrorism preparation kit and what-to-do-in-case-of-a-terrorist-attack. Police are all over the place. A guy I know walked two miles to work instead of taking the subway. My train stopped yesterday for 15 minutes without an announcement, and because of something I read on another blog, a few things crossed my mind. (And the train was under the river at the time, and I wondered how difficult it would be to escape the tunnel if a train got stuck there.) I've been trying really hard to ignore all the war and terror news because I have so many other worries on my plate, that I really don't need any more. But it's aproaching such a fever pitch that it's becoming hard to ignore. I'm not changing anything about my days -- still taking the subway gladly, I have no emergency kit. Everything will be fine. I just wish everyone would shut up about it. :P * I was thinking about writing this yesterday, and wouldn't ya know it: today's NYTimes has a story about this very topic. Worrying About, Well, Stranger Behavior Than Usual. *

I've been exercising a lot more lately. Ever since Christmas when we went out to eat a lot in Hilton Head, and in January when I ate out a lot, I feel like I've gotten a little out of shape. So I've been doing my yoga tapes a lot and even ordered a new one (which has yet to arrive in the mail). And, on nice days, I've been taking long walks. I'm just not good at running, but I can walk for a long time, and I figure that's better than nothing. I miss taking yoga classes, but the tapes are really working. I can definitely move better than I could a few weeks ago when I started doing them again. Feels great. In case you weren't sure, I love yoga.

I had dinner last night with a friend that I have known since grade school and we had such a funny time. She: "I think I was a New Yorker trapped in the Midwest. You know what I mean?" Me: "I know exactly what you mean." ... Plus, I could totally use a hug. This job-hunting can be heartbreaking. Ugh. I hope I find one soon.

Sorry for the long break, but here's an update. Birthday: Very fun day. Didn't do too much, but Heather klein bought me sushi (we were going to go out, but it was one of those REALLY cold nights, so we just stayed in, and were better off for it.) Birthday Party: Tons of fun! Thank you to everyone who came - especially those who came from out of town! That meant a lot to me and I hope you had fun too. Job Hunt: Been on some interviews, but still no offers. But I'm feeling good about things. I feel like a momentum is building and that one of these is going to pan out soon. I'll definitely let you know. Smoking: Just crossed the 4-month mark. Huzzah! Cats: They're good. I gave Ozzie a bath the other day, which resulted in a clean kitty and a very scratched up Solly. No short sleeves or shirts that reveal a midriff any time soon. (Ouchie.) Movies: Seen some good ones, but not tons. I loved Billy Elliott, much more than I thought I would. Saw 25th Hour in the theater with Jessica and really liked it. And Jess told me about The Sweetest Thing, which was pretty dumb but I really liked it because it definitely reminded me of how real grilfriends can be with each other. Hope you're well!

Oh man, I'm getting so excited about my upcoming birthday party. A lot of people from out of town are going to be coming AND even those people are dragging friends along. Plus all the people I know here in town and all of their friends. I think tomorrow I'm going to buy myself a birthday present of a new (but not expensive) dress to wear. I had a good weekend. Friday night I went out with Jessica to her friend's birthday party at a cool bar in SoHo. Saturday morning, I woke up a little hungover and caught a bus to New Jersey to spend the rest of the weekend with my cousins that you know I love so much. My 14-year-old cousin got a kitten for Christmas so you know I spent a lot of time playing with him. They fed me, we talked a lot. Had a great time. They even gave me a birthday cake on Saturday night. Very sweet. Today I got a lot of business taken care of. Paid all my bills last week (which I suck at, but now I've paid them all on time 3 months in a row. *pats self on back*). Today did the shopping and cleaned up the apartment. Did laundry, including linens. So now I'm kicking back, watching the end of the Sopranos 3rd season, which I got as an Xmas present. I think this is going to be a good week. :)

Ugh, must ... get ... Donnie ... neutered. Now he's taken to going to the window, howling at the dirty little kitties that prowl the roof outside, and luring them onto the window ledge so they can howl at each other some more, a pane of glass apart. It is kind of funny to see, but I think he's prob pretty unhappy that the little skanks are out of reach. Poor fella. Must get neutered.

Whoa ... I've been informed by my brother that The Bachelorette not only grew up in the St. Louis area, but also went to our church. He said they showed a pic of her kicking around in the very same soccer uniforms that we used to wear. (Out there in StL, extracurricular soccer, which everyone plays, is organized by churches; even if you don't go to church, that's who ya gotta go to to play.)

For a kitten that supposedly hates my guts, Donnie follows me around an awful lot. What a tease. Things are going pretty well. New Year is off to a good start. Lots of job openings up my alley, which makes me very hopeful that something great will be coming along shortly. Money is tight, but household is under control. (Except for the kitten with the raging hormones, whose testosterone supply will be taken away shortly.) Been too busy to see many movies lately, if you can believe it. There are so many in the theater that I want to see, too, but I probably won't get to. Eh, they'll be out on DVD soon enough. ;)

I think we've found the problem ... [conversation with Kari, bro Matt's girlfriend] Kari: Matt says he is gonna send back the lava rock he took from Hawaii. See Solly: send back? what lava rock? Kari: He took a lava rock when you all where in Hawaii. Kari: I guess Matt saw on TV that it is bad luck. See Solly: ahh Kari: He says that it is cursed. See Solly: then get rid of it! Kari: He has to find it first. Kari: It is in one of the many boxes. Kari: He has the address to mail it. See Solly: mail it where? Kari: To the tourism board in Hawaii. They have people there who will walk it up to the volcano. Kari: He also thinks it is why he hasn't gotten a job. Kari: The wierd thing is you haven't had anything go wrong yet, so I think it is all coincidence. See Solly: nothing go wrong??? Kari: Not breaking bones or getting injurted. See Solly: since hawaii, i've lost 2 jobs! See Solly: and been dumped, and so broke i had to sell my car, and had my city terrorized! it's been the worst year and a half of my life! Kari: OK, so we need to find this freggin rock. Kari: Do i send it to a volcano or to hana lolo? See Solly: volcano Kari: OK Kari: We found the rock. Kari: We will send it soon.

You're not going to believe this, but ... Dad has broken his ankle. ::commence laughter:: Man, my parents are weird. This is even worse than the year they each individually confided in Matt and me and that they were getting the other a hot-air balloon ride for their anniversary. Dad, we know you love Mom and all, but I think you've gone a little too far this time. (I have a sneaky suspicion you sabotaged yourself so you wouldn't have to keep doing the dishes, but that's just a theory. Heh.)

Ups and Downs, Ups and Downs Dad kept calling our Christmas trip "the worst vacation ever." With an attitude like that, it was a little hard to have fun, but we tried. In Hilton Head, we did get to play golf (but only once), rode our bikes, went to a great Christmas concert, and had lots of great seafood meals. On the downside, Dad was given a work assignment just before he left for the trip and spent too much time with his laptop and not as much with me and Mom as any of us wanted; Momma took a little trip down some stairs and ended up with an ankle the size of an egg and a broken tibia, or fibia, or whatever; brother Matt couldn't make it down for the holiday so we were missing him terribly; and I spent a good amount of time wishing I was back in New York. Eh, these things happen sometimes. My New Year's was pretty good. Spent it with good friends, Lex, Heather and Dan. We got silly on margaritas, wine and champagne while we watched Christopher Reeve in Times Square. (What was he doing there, anyway? I bet he didn't have to stand there for 12 hours saving his spot! *wink*) Which reminds me that in the last few days I've felt pretty blasé about New Year's Eve. It's because I've already had the best NYE ever -- Times Square for 2000 --, and will never ever feel the need to try to top it. ;) Otherwise, things are going pretty good. Getting back into the groove of applying for jobs, though the one that I really really want could still happen. I'd be ecstatic if I got it. Rest assured, you will know it if I get a job. Hope you had a good New Year's, and no matter how your 2002 fared, I hope 2003 is better.

Yeah, happy new year's and all that. Bleh.

Sorry for not posting in a while ... I've had a very good week and am really excited about leaving for Xmas vacation. Yesterday, I finished up (er, started and finished) my shopping, and today I must make time to pack. I hate packing. I probably won't actually do it until I'm on my way out the door tomorrow. Here's a funny story from this week ... During my freshman year of college, I shared a dormitory suite with five other girls. We called ourselves the J-TRACH. After that year, the T, R and H transferred out of BU, while J, A and I (The C) all finished up our coursework at BU. Jess, Angela and I have kept up with Trina (working in marketing in Connecticut) and Rachel (the smartie just got a Rhodes Scholarship to Oxford), but completely lost track of Holly. A few days ago, I was out with some new friends that went to SUNY Binghamton, which is the last-known location of the long-lost Holly. And, wouldn't ya know it, they know her. And she lives in Hoboken. And I'm going to surprise her at her birthday party tonight. It'll be so funny to see her. Tomorrow I leave for vacation in Hilton Head. Christmas, golfing, bike-riding, seafood, yum. Should be a great trip, though brother Matt won't be there, and we'll definitely be missing him. So, another week-break from blogging for me. I'll tell you all about the vacation when I return. MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Well, let's see ... Boston was great, as usual. We went out for Indian food for nytyme's birthday; had a girls' night of cookie-making; and went out for drinks at a cool new bar in Brighton. I had a wonderful time and I'm glad I got to see a lot of people to wish them merry Christmas. Last night, I went to Heather's holiday party, which was so much fun. Through her parties, I've gotten to meet a bunch of guys and a girl who went to BU, and they are so much fun. We joke around like we've known each other for much longer than we actually have. Such fun people. I'm excited to see more of them. And the food, as always at Heather's, was fantastic. Thank you for the party, guys! And today, I think I'm going to curl up on the couch and watch some Netflix. Ahhh :D

Oh, I haven't mentioned this in a while, but it's been 72 days since I last had a cigarette. I feel great. I only have about 1 craving a week, and it's almost always when I'm drinking. I was in my local corner store last night, buying soda, and the guy behind the counter said, "Marlboro Lights?" "No," I said. "I've quit! I haven't had a cigarette in over two months now! Isn't that great?" "Yeah," he said, pretty glumly. "Yeah, I guess it is a loss of business for you, but it's really good for me." "You are only one customer, yes, but many others have quit." Guess those higher taxes really are kicking people out of the habit. I feel bad for those kinds of shopkeepers though because I know a lot of them sold lots of cigarettes to people. But, that's not really my problem. I still shop there and buy other things. (Though I don't spend as much money because I'm not buying the cigarettes.) Not my problem, right. I'm doing great. Feel good, breathe well, more energy. Lovely. :D

Since many of you have asked, the job interviews have all gone pretty well. (With the exception of one, which was a bomb, but humorous and not really disappointing at all.) I don't know when I'll hear back from any of them, but be sure, if I get a job, you will know about it. And, since all the interviewing is behind me now, and I have no plans for the rest of the week, I'm going to Boston for a few days. No plans really once I get there. Just going to hang out for a few days, enjoy being somewhere else. Play with someone else's kitten.

Tra la la ... not much to say. I had a good weekend. Drank way too much, recovered all the rest of the weekend. Bleh. Knitting is going well. Cats are playing nicely. Oh yeah ... and I finally got myself a new DVD player! Yee haw!!!

I'm having nightmares again. Bleh. Last night was one of the worst too. I won't describe it in detail because I can't. I can't believe my own imagination came up with that dream, but it did involve the mutilation and killing of my own cats, Ozzie and Donnie. I was so upset in the dream, as I would be in real life if those things happened to my boys. But, now I'm awake, with my gorgeous kitties right here next to me. The curtains are open and we're all three dazzled by the falling snow.

Mmm ... look at this strapping superhero looking for love ...

(Aw, damn. I missed blogging about this by an hour. OK OK, imagine that it's still the 3rd and the post will be much cooler.) Twelve years ago on Monday, December 3, 1990, the entire state of Missouri was gripped by fear ... of an earthquake. St. Louis lies on the New Madrid fault line, which has caused many earthquakes there. (I felt one myself while I lived there.) Climatologist Dr. Iben Browning -- whose credibility is unknown to me -- predicted that on December 3rd the New Madrid fault would cause a giant rumble. This prediction came less than a year after the whole world saw the destructiveness of the disaterous San Francisco earthquake, and panicked everyone in the area months before the famed date ever arrived. Some people left the area for a few days. Sales of earthquake insurance skyrocketed. Others considered keeping schools closed that day. Still others threw parties to toss dust in the face of Browning's silly theory, as earthquake prediction is very unreliable if even possible. T-shirts were made, buttons handed out, and even wilder superstitions grew. The one I remember best is 12/3, 4:56, 7.8, '90 -- date, time, magnitude and year of the supposed impending natural disaster. The hooplah was incredible. "December 3rd, December 3rd, December 3rd!" When the then-famous day finally arrived, I went to school, like most other days. And the earth stood still, like most other days. I do hope Browning is not freaking out any other states these days. But still, not a Dec. 3 goes by that I don't think about the earthquake that never was.

Dr. Phil and the Dalai Lama Agree: I Am the Key to My Own Happiness All I needed was to give myself a good talking-to. This is what I told myself.

I am where I am in my life because of the choices I have made. Though it can be said that some of the changes in my life have occurred because it was acted upon by outside forces, it has always been my decision as to how to deal with it. I take responsibility for how I am, for better and worse.
No one is going to make me happy except me. Though you are a delight and your support means a great deal to my success, I am the only one I can rely on to get me what I want. I can't let myself down.
Sitting at home, watching movies and playing with the cats is not going to get me anywhere. If I sit around waiting for something to come along and change my life for me, I will be sitting here playing with my cats when I'm 70, and that's not exaaaaactly where I want my life to go. Get off my ass!
I have many wonderful things in my life that others in this world are not fortunate enough to have. Family, friends, a safe home and good health.

That got me out of the hole I felt I was in, but I wanted to take it further. I started thinking about Holiday Spirit and what I could do to help those who aren't as lucky as me. So ...

I donated 6 coats today to the New York Cares Coat Drive.
I have an appointment tomorrow morning to donate platelets.

I also have a lot of clothes to give away, but I'm not sure where to take them yet. (I might call Salvation Army and see if they'll pick them up. It's too much to take on the subway. In one trip, anyway.) I'd also like to write a letter to a senior citizen or something like that, since I often read about how lonely they can get around this time. Anyone know of a service that organizes that kind of thing? In short, though, I'm out of my brief slump (no more crying on the floor, silly Caryn) and feeling very much into the Holiday Spirit, which feels much better than lying in a puddle of tears on my dusty hardwood floors. :D

Gosh, I feel rotten. I'm sure it's just post-Thanksgiving blues, since I started feeling lousy on the plane ride back from StL. I was distracted last night with lots of social activity, which was a lot of fun, but I haven't had much to do today except be a worry wart. A little while ago, though, I did pick up my kitting needles and taught myself a few things. (I can cast-on and knit, but purling started to trip me up, so I stopped.) I can't keep my mind on a movie. I tried going for a run, but it's too cold and I got out of breath very quickly. I was supposed to hang out with someone today, but I never heard from them. I can't read because my mind wanders too much and I end up reading the same paragraph 5 or 6 times before I realize that I still don't know what it said. I think tomorrow (after my job interview, of course) I might take myself to the park. Or go for a perky tanning session. Or buy myself a new dress. Something to cheer up.

www.worldAIDSday.org

I'm having a wonderful time here at home in Missouri. A few nights ago, Mom "whooped some booty" (her words, not mine!) at Scrabble. She did last night too. That woman is great at Scrabble. Put Dad and I to shame. Last night, I hung out with my old pal Anne. Anne and I met in high school, so we've known each other for about 10 years, making her one of my oldest friends that I still keep in touch with. Instead of being freaked out by how long we've known each other (and thusly how old we're geting) we are delighted about it. She's the doctor country mouse and I'm the writer city mouse. Besides those differences, though, we do have a lot in common still. Oh, I could go on and on about how great Anne is, but I'll stop there. We took a midnight hot tub until we were two 5-foot-tall prunes, and then we made a late-night run to Steak 'n' Shake for cheese fries. (You Easterners -- and Westerners -- who will never know the wonders of the Steak 'n' Shake chain are missing out!) Which brings me to ... What I Am Thankful For. The list is short. It's you. I am most thankful for my family and friends, without whom this very rough year-and-a-half would not have been as bearable. I am bright and cheerful about my situation, even though I could easily melt into a puddle of tears, if I cared to do so. And it's because of you, friends new and old, that have made me feel great about everything along the way. Thank you, and happy Thanksgiving. :D

Ahhh ... how nice is it to go to sleep in a bed that my mother made with flannel sheets, just for me, because she knew I was feeling chilly? Very nice, even if it is a twin bed. I made it here to St. Louis without incident. I breezed through the self-check-in (love it!) and through the security checkpoints, which seem to have multiplied like rabbits. I still have not read The Lord of the Rings. (Christmastime last year, I told myself that I would like to have read at least through The Two Towers by the time the movie comes out.) So, instead of packing my usual assortment of reading materials (magazines and some other light reading), I brought with me The Lord of the Rings, and only The Lord of the Rings. Nothing at the airport or on the plane bothered me because my nose was in the pages of the book for the duration of the entire evening. And it's so good! I had started it before, once, but got a little stuck, as I was 80 pages into it and the hobbits were just starting their journey. Snore. Hobbits walking through the woods. Hobbits walking through a field. Hobbits cross a stream. But, by plugging through a good amount yesterday, I've gotten beyond that and into some great stuff. I'm excited to do a lot of reading while I'm here at Mom and Dad's. So, on that note, I sign off. Going to find some yummy breakfast-type foods in the copious cupbourds and snuggle up in front of the fireplace with Frodo and friends (all the while consciously ignoring the fact that over 200 channels of glorious digital cable lay only a few feet away).

Last Night, Heather and Dan's apartment, Sopranos Sunday complete with Thanksgiving dinner Caryn: They have Thanksgiving in Canada too, right? Dan: Yep. Caryn: What do you guys do to celebrate? Dan: Same thing. Big meal. We eat all the same things. Thanksgiving there is in October. Caryn: ... What does Canadian Thanksgiving celebrate? Dan: I don't know. Dinner was awesome. I walked-subwayed-walked home doubled over because I was so full. And I didn't even have dessert! Thank you!

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I think my DVD player is broken!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh! The interview! So glad you asked ... It went super. I'm perfect for the job. I was very well prepared. I'm quite anal about job interviews because they're so important to me. So, though I may be lazy and/or sloppy in other parts of my life, I leave nothing to chance when it come to job interviews. (As opposed to some who just "wing it.") I wore my suit (despite the pleated pants; I just kept the jacket closed) which looked hot with the high heels. (Damn those were a good purchase.) I showed up a half-hour early and sat on a banch at a nearby park, and chatted with Mom on the phone to get some last-minute good vibes. My clips and resume looked pretty and I felt great before I even went in. I first interviewed with an HR woman who did nothing to put me at ease. I hated her questions. She took some notes but appeared to have no reaction to any of my answers, so I had absolutely no feel for how well I was doing. But, after that, she sent me upstairs to interview with my would-be boss. He was great and we got along very well. Laughing, joking, etc. He told me about what the department is responsible for and how I would fit into it. Each time he mentioned a different duty, I was able to counter with "I've done that" or "I can do that." I felt great. I have a writing test to complete this weekend, but I've already looked at it and looks to be a cinch. I don't know how many others their interviewing or when they're going to make a decision. So, we'll see. :D

Hee - Progress is being made! This morning was the first that I woke up, smelled the clothes I wore to the bar the night before, and was grossed out by the nasty smokiness of them. I've been Febreezing my coat all morning trying to get the smell out. And I'm getting such a kick out of it.

Awww, what a nice night I've had. Marcia came over for dinner and we had a great long talk. (Yes, I made dinner. Shock-shock.) I hadn't seen her in a long time, so it was great to have a whole evening to ourselves to catch up. Then I came online after she left, and ended up chatting with my med-student friend from high school, Anne. We've already made vague plans to hang out next week when I go back to St. Louis. And I caught Mike L online, and got to find out what he's been up to also. And now I'm going to curl up into bed with one of the three books I'm in the middle of, The Art of Happiness by His Holiness The Dalai Lama, an old gift from Will. I highly recommend it. It's a little dry, but worth reading. It's the second time I'm reading it, and I think when I finish I'd like to check out some of his other books. He's a very wise person that I admire a lot. OK, that's enough. Going to bed. G'night.

Wow-wee! Things are happening! Not only do I have an interview tomorrow for a job, but I've already set up two more for the week after Thanksgiving! All editorial positions! Hooray!!!

Anyone know how to settle a nervous stomach? I've had it ever since I found out about my job interview. If you know me well, you probably know I have a "get it over with" attitude toward tough nerve-wracking things, so the fact that I haven't gotten to do my interview yet is annoying to me. If it were up to me, we sould have done it yesterday. But, I still have a day-and-a-half to go before these butterflies would settle themselves, but I'd like to exterminate them sooner. If you have any tips, please get in touch.

Supposedly, there is a day of the year that more people quit smoking annually than New Years Day. Join me and quit smoking tomorrow, November 21, The Great American Smokeout. Your friends, family, body and -- most importantly -- YOU will be so glad you did. Someone told me once that today is the easiest day you will ever have to quit; it will only get harder. I'm happy to lend support to any friends of mine who want to quit (as you all have been so supportive of me - thank you!), but here are some other resources to help you quit. truth American Cancer Society Smoking Cessation at About.com ... if you are a smoker reading this, I know that you're probably not going to quit tomorrow. You'll quit when you're ready, which is just what you should do. The inspiration will come someday. And, if you want it, I'll give you any help you need when that time comes.

Before you ask, my interview has been rescheduled to Friday.

Big day for csolly: * I got called for my first interview of this job search! Hallelujah! Wish me luck! (Interivew is tomorrow.) * Today is Day 50 of Caryn: The Non-Smoker * I bought high-heels and pantyhose for the first time in ages. (Did you know that L'eggs don't come in eggs anymore?) I'm going out for drinks tonight and good thing: I've got stuff to celebrate. :D

Orchid: what are you up to besides moping on blogger? See Solly: i'm actually not very mopey at all Orchid: oh Orchid: well that is great See Solly: i had an awesome weekend See Solly: and a relaxing day today Orchid: niiice See Solly: the good things that happened to me this weekend were all too personal to blog about :D Orchid: ooooo! Orchid: meee yow honey! See Solly: (no no, nothing sexy, just personally fulfilling) Orchid: i can meeee yow for personally fulfulling Orchid: lol No worries, everyone. I'm actually in a fantastic mood. Carry on.

How far have I come in eliminating my unhealthy habits that, today, my biggest vice was a Super-Sized Coca-Cola?

It's a little hard to stay cheerful and hopeful about being laid off (for the second time in little more than a year) and trying to find a new job that I will be happy with; when you get an email from a friend (who has been steadily employed and very well compensated since she graduated college) who has just gotten a new job herself, which is taking her career where she wants to go, now has more vacation time, tuition reimbursement, less hours at the office and her new company is one I'd chop off my hair to work for. And she's engaged to a recently graduated medical student. Grrr. Breathe in, and out. Breathe in, and out.

Spooky, huh? (In case you're not sure, that's my brother on the right.)

I did it to myself. I've been on this hyper streak for two and a half days, and (not realizing it at the time) I wasn't really eating during that time. At all. I think I had a few nibbles (I must have) and I was drinking water. But not a meal. How could I possibly think I could go 2.5 days without eating a be OK? Well, it all caught up to me this afternoon and I doubled over into bed with a stomachache and a headache. Stupid stupid. I'm fine now and I've eaten. In other news, Matt and Kari (my bro and his gf) have finally moved into a place of their own -- and they have Internet access. Woo hoo! In this age of digi-communication, I haven't been too good about keeping up with them (because they were never online to chat with and couldn't check email). But now, I can! I had a nice long chat with Kari tonight. Very excited that I'll be keeping up with them more. I was starting to feel a bit guilty about not calling more often. Well, I'm off to batten down the hatches for the storm that's a-headin' our way. (Battening down the hatches in Caryn-speak means stocking up on rented DVDs and cans of Coca-Cola. Used to mean buying cigarettes too, but not this time.)

Today, I've had more energy than I've had in a long time. I couldn't sit still. I cleaned the bathtub and installed a towel rack. I cleaned out the bathroom cabinet and hung up the most recent additions to my postcard collection. I threw away a ton of old makeup and neatened my books. I filled out the application to consolidate my student loans and did three loads of laundry. I'm always up for a movie, and, despite being home most of the day, I didn't make it through a single one today (though I started two and walked away from both because I couldn't sit still). It's about one in the morning and I'm still pretty wired. I don't think I can go to bed yet. What has gotten into me? And my apartment is Ashton Kutcher hot. (That's very, very hot.) I have the window wide open right next to me, and I'm still warm. Blech. Must talk to Super. P.S. I was the big winner at poker tonight. Go me. (Thanks, boys!) P.P.S. It's been over a month and a half since I last puffed on a ciggie. Hoorah. I'm getting a little snooty about it too. Gotta cut that out.

Hee. That Skin show was actually pretty cool. I enjoyed it. ... Wahahahahahah! ... the cat just rolled off the dresser! The big cat, not the stupid little one. Haha! (Oh, I can laugh. He always lands on his feet.)

Lately, I watch a lot more television than I should, but that's not what I want to talk about right now. I was just checking TV Guide online. Tonight on PBS is a National Geographic program about skin. It looks to be a very stimlutaing program with great scientific insights, like this one: In Africa, anthropologist Nina Jablonski explores why some people have darker skin than others. Her explanation: the hotter the climate, the darker the skin. It is, she says, “a biological adaptation to the environment." Tonight's program will be hosted by Captain Obvious.

Where, Oh Where, Can That Little Job Be? Today I saw a listing for a job at a magazine called Atlanta Homes & Lifestyles. And one at Colorado Homes & Lifestyles. If you're not aware, I interened for two summers at St. Louis Homes & Lifestyles. (Are we all following along?) Anyway, I'm not sure whether I should apply for those other jobs or not. The likelihood that I will actually want to relocate is about 5% -- though Colorado could be really cool. And, I wouldn't want to go through the trouble of calling my old publisher and asking her to put in a good word for me if I'm not serious about the positions. Money Money Money I paid all my bills yesterday. Go me. I'm horrible at it, as most of you also know. I always take too long to pay them. I've tried different things: Excel spreadsheets, Microsoft Money, notes by the door, opening the mail right away, sending bills according to my pay schedule. Can't do it. I think it must be some sort of mental block. I pretend they're not there. For weeks. Right now, the system involves a freshly-organized desk and several always-open notebooks (in which I've been keeping job notes and phone messages). I know this isn't going to work either. Anyone got advice for getting over a mental block, short of professional help? (I'd forget to pay a shrink anyway.) Kitten Sniffs Hand: Film at 11 Things with the kitten are getting better. He'll smell my hand occassionally when I reach it toward him. We still play on the floor together a lot. I posted on the About.com Cats forum yesterday, asking for any other tips people might have for training a feral kitten. People wrote back very nice things, a lot of which I already knew. The one new tip I got was not to look him in the eye. That was something that was bothering me -- that he wouldn't ever really look at me -- but now I'm told that's a feline sign of aggression. And, actually, it's helping. When I interact with him, I look at him through the corner of my eye, and he'll approach much more easily. (I know that's helpful to you because you have a feral kitten at home too, of course. I'm always looking out for you. ... You don't have a kitten? Oh, well, forget this paragraph then.)

Having worked at a commercial web site, I know one or two things about Internet advertising. The click-through rate on banner ads is something like .03% now. Something horrid. Anyway, I just clicked on a banner ad. For the first time in years. (Well, that wasn't by accident anyway.)

I haven't had a cigarette in 42 days.

Did you see 1940s House on PBS this week? It was a wonderful BBC show about a family who lived as a family would have during WWII in London, complete with air raids and food rationing. So well done, very educational and inspiring. Makes me wish I'd seen more of Frontier House and 1900 House. Maybe I can catch them another time. (This has got to be some sign of getting older, but PBS is my favorite channel on TV. Too bad Paul doesn't work there anymore to ... I dunno, get me a free copy of Graham Haley's Hints? Or a job.) Just looking stuff up about the show ... The follow-up doesn't sound as inspiring. (Old news, huh?)

I'm still here ... Heather visited me for the weekend. We had some drinks (well, I did), saw a bad movie in the theater, cheered on marathoners. We had a good time, except for the part where she was robbed of her credit cards. She actually came back to the city yesterday because she had to file a police report in person in order to grease the wheels of the machine that will get back her money. Once that chore was out of the way, we wandered around the city and stumbled over popstars Justin Timberlake and Nick Carter across the street from one another. Strange.

Hear anything about a job yet? Believe me, people, when I hear anything about a job, I am going to let you know. Everyone will know. I'll be shouting it from the rooftops. So, consider this a virtual 'shouting it from the rooftops.' I got my first bite about a job. Well, more of a nibble really. In response to a resume I sent out yesterday for a copy editor/writer position, I was asked, "Do you have any expertise with woman's Mystery fiction?" [sigh] No. I don't. My only book experience was with Jann Wenner, not Patricia Cornwell ... But just hang on a minute! While I was at that cool dot-com job, I had a slight editorial relationship with a mystery books web site (among a few hundred others ranging from stained glass to beekeeping - but mystery books was one of them!) Can I spin that to mean that I have experience with women's mystery fiction? You bet I did! This is a windfall of inspiration for me. I don't know why I didn't think of it before! I just sent a letter of interest to a cigar magazine, and I mentioned that I was the editor of the Cigars site. A new blank to fill in on that cover letter. ;) Maybe I could do OK in PR after all ... (well, shouldn't speak so soon; not sure how good of a job I did yet) Now, off to apply to be a catalog editor for Victoria's Secret. "Previous fashion experience is a plus." Nooooooo problem. Heh, awesome.

QUEENS COUNTY JURY SUMMONS ...
YOU ARE SUMMONED AS A TELEPHONE STANDBY JUROR FOR ALL COURTS IN QUEENS.
DO NOT REPORT ON THE DATE LISTED ON YOUR SUMMONS.
CALL AFTER 5:00 P.M. ABSOLUTELY NO COURTHOUSE PARKING AVAILABLE.
BEGIN CALLING FRIDAY NOVEMBER 15TH, 2002

huh?

Why why why is it that: last year, here in New York City, amidst horror, we were told to resume our normal lives, to not be afraid, and we are; and, this month, in the DC-area, I, personally, didn't hear a peep of conscientious objection to people having their groceries delivered, holding indoor recess and crouching behind gasoline pumps?

Mom and I made a few spontaneous decisions midweek last week, and, for it, we were a rewarded with a weekend of romping on the beach. She'd planned on visiting me this past weekend for a few months now. We didn't really have any plans for what we'd do when she got here. She'd mentioned possibly driving to see my brother; I mentioned my interest in visiting Our Nation's Capital. Then pictures of our new house in Hilton Head were posted, which made Mom a bit ancy to get back down there to see it. So! A road trip was born. We only visited DC for a morning (we're early risers, Mom and I). We strolled the whole Mall and took a tour of the Capital building. (The lengths of the security measures and tour portion were equal.) Then we headed even further South crashed in Our New Home in Hilton Head. Each minute I was there, I was more and more excited that I'll be having a lifetime of vacations there, with my own bed to sleep in. My parents have made an awesome decision to move there. (They're not moving now; when they retire.) I could list all the reasons why HH is so great, but I won't bore you. I just hope that if I invite you down there for a vacation with me, you'll come. We rented bicycles and rode all through the Shipyard plantation. The views were awesome. I love the threes down there: palms and palmettos, Spanish moss, tall branchless trees with wide canopys. When we got to the beach we parked our bikes and crossed a dune. There were people on the beach! In bathing suits! In the ocean! Getting tans! Our jaws dropped. It was so warm and sunny! (The bike trails had all been through a very pleasant shade of said trees.) After a bike trip home to change clothes, we were back at the beach, and I had a giant craving to splash around in warm ocean water, days away from Halloween. The water was warmer than any I've waded into on Cape Cod in July. I swam out pretty far, but I could still touch the bottom. I was about 100 yards from the waning tide's edge when I heard my mom shout to me from the shore. She was pointing to something over my shoulder. I turned to see a dorsal fin slip out of a wave. I flailed halfway to my mommy before I realized that Jaws was actually Flipper. We laughed and I swam out, seeing several more groups of dolphins pass by during our time at the beach. (I've even got some color on my body. It will have faded from my my Irish skin by the time I see you, I'm sure.) We kept our mouths shut about traffic and road conditions the whole drive back, for fear of jinxing all the good fortunes we'd had in the last several days. Good thing, too. In North Carolina, our windshield was littered with debris from an RV that was sideswiped by a truck just in front of us (could have been worse). And, we were the last vehicle through before a police car turned on his siren and created a roadblock, weaving across all three lanes and halting half of the New Jersey Turnpike traffic. (It was spooky to have no cars behind us for more than 15 miles, when cars and trucks started entering at other points on the road.) I guess we'll never solve that mysetry. Mom just left for a plane back to StL. We're both so glad we decided to go down there. The house is great, the weather was great, the island is great. And I feel so good, out of my slump and a little more energy than I had 5 days ago. Thank you, Momma. [No smoking: 4 weeks today.]

A dull blog? A bull dog? Well, it's a dull life right now. My own fault, I will make no bones. Today, that is all going to change. The blog will still be dull, but my life will not. For a few days, anyway. My mother is swooping in on a big white bird that serves honey roasted peanuts to save me from this spotless apartment. She'll whisk me through Sniperville -- which I'm not worried about in the least -- down to the currently-rainy golf haven of Hilton Head, South Carolina. We're leaving this afternoon, provided I can change her car rental reservation without any problems. I don't know what we're going to do when we get there and neither does she. Relax, I suppose. Read. Enjoy being in a quiet place, have fun together. We'll have a good time. See you next week!

I was just catching up on reading, and there's an article in last week's TIME magazine about the company I used to work for. I was the first person at the company to be contacted by the reporter (I was in the PR department). Fun to know I have a little connection to a TIME feature. Maybe one day I'll write one ...

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't go out today. Seems I have a touch of agoraphobia, and I wouldn't want you to catch it.

Still nothing -- ab-so-looooot-ly nothing -- going on. Though, I can, again, list for you the things I've been doing to keep myself entertained: got a facial, cleaned the house, watched some more movies, bought a few movies, eating, still reading Franzen, taking pictures, redecorating. I only told one person this, and it probably wasn't you, that last week I was flirting with the idea of going to DC for a short vacation. I started to really love the idea -- and of going within a day or so of deciding. But I ended up changing my mind because I have to start getting more responsible with my money, as the last of my severence arrived on Friday. Oh well. I'll probably keep the idea in the back of my head though. I just want to get out of New York for a little while. Oh yeah. And I'm still not smoking. 20 days.

I have almost nothing new to report, but I thought I'd write and say hi anyway. Hi. I've been keeping busy by going swimming, running errands in the rain, trying to charm my kitten, reading Oprah books, watching lots of movies, shopping on ebay, and still not smoking.

OK, OK, I'm trying to do something about all this, battle my depression. So, I started looking for events that I could go to, maybe meet some people at. I'm not feeling quite up to my tip-top adventurous mode that I wish I was, so I'm feeling a bit shy about going to any of these things myself. This listing from mediabistro looks particularly interesting to me. Does anyone want to go to any of these? Maybe the Trivia Night (which I definitely do not feel I could do on my own, but would love to see what it's about). You know how to get in touch with me.

I'm pretty unhappy. I want a job so I can go back to having normal kind of days. I do love watching movies, cleaning my apartment, sewing, reading books and magazines, taking walks around the neighborhood, playing with my cats and all the other things I do to pass the time, but I am getting really bored. I should join the pool like I said I would. I should go to more museums. (I've only been to one since I lost my job.) And, because I've quit smoking, I think I've gained a few pounds (though anyone that looks at me probably does not notice, but I do), which makes me feel ugly and gross and even more unhappy. I miss interacting with people on a regular basis. I feel like I'm losing any sort of people-skills I ever did have. Are you done wallowing yet? Almost ...

Just wanted to update you on the quitting smoking ... Things are good. Today is the 11th day that I have not smoked a cigarette and I am doing 11 times better than I was a week ago. I also called my doctor for any advice she may have, and I'm going to go in next week to talk to her about it more. (And maybe get a flu shot while I'm at it.) That's really about all I have to say. Go Cards. :-/

Yes, yes, I am alive. Some people tell me I'm too addicted to the Internet, so when I finally step back for a little bit, everyone wonders where I've disappeared to. Sheesh. Pick up a phone. ;) [edit: deleted] I'm not being very eloquent in describing my problem. Pay me no mind. I'll figure it out.

One thing about quitting smoking is that the senses of taste and smell are heightening. And, really, New York City stinks. Having my senses dulled by smoking might have been a blessing. The subway stations smell like piss and vomit. The streets are horrible the night before garbage collection day. Bus fumes, jackhammer dust, and dirty people. Disgusting. I'm not sure if this better sense of smell is such a good thing.

Really, is anyone having a good morning? I'm upset about my kitten. Someone else is sick. Someone else hasn't been called by the man she's seeing. Someone else is having a dilemma. Someone else might be in the middle of a typhoon? Lord, give us a good weekend. Please!

I love my kitten, but it makes me so upset that he wants nothing to do with me. As has been suggested by more than one friend, I should just let him be. That's so disappointing that I'm going to have a cat that I take care of but wants nothing to do with me. He's so cute and I just want him to love me back. I guess that's not going to happen and I have to get used to that ...

I had a dream last night that I smoked a cigarette. After I did, in the dream, I actually felt really guilty about it. I was glad to wake up and realize that I still have not smoked any cigarettes. Boy howdy, this quitting smoking is a bitch. It's making me a little crazy. But I've been pretty busy this week, doing as much as I can to keep my mind off it (which hasn't worked -- I think about it all the time). I haven't hung out with any smokers this week, which has been a big help. But that'll change this weekend. I'm going to Boston. Most of my friends there, now, don't smoke -- and they've been trying, nicely, to get me to quit for a long time. We're going to a party on Saturday night and I know I'm going to be very tempted to step outside and ask someone, "Can I bum a smoke?" Luckily, I have a brute squad named Eleanor on my side who has offered to wrestle me to the ground if I smoke. I hope it doesn't come to that, but nice to know there is a last resort. That's really about it. I think about smoking all the time. But I feel good that I'm doing the right thing. Let's see where I am on the quitting-smoking-timeline ...

Your chance of a heart attack decreases already Nerve endings start to re-grow Your ability to smell and taste is enhanced Bronchial tubes relax making it easier to breathe Lung capacity increases making it easier to do physical activities

Cool.

Heh. My alarm clock really isn't dead. It's alive! Alive! Um, that's all. I'm off to the Department of Labor's Work Orientation "which could take up to 2 hours." Joy.

I haven't had a cigarette in a few days, and I can feel myself starting to get a bit ... punchy. You've been warned.

"On Thursday, October 3rd at the Rockefeller Center Barnes and Noble on 48th Street & 5th Avenue, Sarah Jessica Parker and Cynthia Nixon will be signing books from 1:00 to 3:00pm." Damn! I just made plans for that time! Should I cancel said plans? ... Hmmm ...

Wow ... I just finished watching the Blair Witch Project -- and that is one scary movie. I saw it in the theater when it first came out, and it scared me then. I didn't think it would scare me that much again. But it has. I'm ready to sleep with the lights on. I don't think my scaredy cats could stop a witch if one decided to hop the Queens-bound R train and climb through my first-story window. And I might be taking a trip up to the woods in a few weeks! But it's a house, and there are neighbors who would hear screaming if a dark furry witch decided to execute us in the manner of her choosing. I think I'll be watching a comedy now before I go to bed. G'night. Note to self: No more scary movies before bedtime.

... tell me to go to bed ... remind me about how i was up until 5am last night (this morning?) ... and how much it sucked when i woke up at 1pm ... and i felt all achy and crummy ... ask me if i want to feel like that again tomorrow ... cuz it'll happen, just you see, caryn solly, just you see ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ...

If I had a working printer, I would print this picture out and hang it on my refigerator because it is a picture of my dad finishing a marathon. So very proud. I could never do that. I don't think any other member of my family could. I know none of us could. Lord, I almost passed out after running a record 3 miles this summer (and I was only able to make it that far because Dad was with me, encouraging me). Way to go, Dad!

* eh eh I think I'm getting the black lung, Pop eh eh * Well, I am feeling better. And despite my illness (or, laziness that I will blame on illness), I actually HAVE gotten out of the house this week. But I can probably count those outings on one hand. - Lunch with Marcia/trip to library - Grocery shopping/movie rental - Movies at theater/bought new fish for aquarium Yeah, I think that might be it. For the week. But I do love my apartment and do love hanging out here, seeing the love between Donnie and Ozzie blossom before my eyes, watching movie after movie after movie (heaven!) ... and playing a lot of Settlers of Catan. What a life. Oh, and! My skin looks fabulous! All this time on my hands has also meant plenty of time for home beauty treatments. Manicures, pedicures, baths, face masks, hair-removal-processes, you name it. And my skin has really cleared up. I'm so happy. I'm actually thinking of getting a facial to help keep it this way. Unemployment: The Best Skin Care Treatment Not on the Market. Inquiring Minds Want to Know Yes, I have been applying to jobs. All editorial jobs at web sites and magazines. (And a smattering of a few other things, but I'm sticking pretty close to that.) I also emailed my resume to a few colleagues and friends who have connections that might be able to help me. Bonus points for you if, the next time I see you, you don't ask me how the job hunt is going. (Marcia is the first recipient of said bonus points. Get yours today!)

I'm still sick ... I have very little to say on the subject, I'm sorry to tell you. Stuffy nose, hacking cough. And my upcoming weekend visitors have cancelled on me. Oh woe is me. I am going to try very hard to get out and go to the movies today. Hooray for matinees!

Damn you Heather! And damn you Heather! I'm sick. *snifflesniffleHACKsniff* [sigh]

What did she write about me? ... Nothing, you vain fool. The party was fun, good to see you. See you at the next one. ;) ***** Genius. Pure genius. ***** Heather visited me for the weekend. We had a good time ... doing a lot of nothing. We did have drinks, watched a few movies, ate some very good meals, and slept. It was a nice lazy weekend. Being unemplyed, I have many weeks, er, weekends like that, which I enjoy, but it was great to lie around and do nothing with someone. :D Thanks for coming! I'm going back to bed now ...

My mom is so cute. When I AIM her to say hello, she'll sometimes write "yo" or "wuzup." She sends me socks. Whenever I buy socks, I buy plain sporty white ones. She always sends me colorful, fun socks. I like getting those packages in the mail. Because she knows me well and knows what I like, Mom ordered me a Sewing Genie! I sew a lot and don't have room for a full-sized machine in my studio apartment, so this is perfect. (As long as it doesn't break!) Thank you, Mom. :)

Kittens are so much fun. They're so floppy and uncoordinated. And fearless, because they're not old enough to know the difference. Energetic. They try so hard ... to jump on the bed that's still too high, beat up the cat that's three times his size. I was thinking, for a little while, about the pros and cons for everything in life, including having a kitten. The cons are obvious: more litter to scoop, more food to buy, more hair on everything, possible destruction of fine items (and, in this case, disfiguring scratch marks up and down arms). The pros are also obvious: having a little bundle of cute fluffyness to snuggle and play with. I was wondering whether I was getting anything positive out of this kitten business because he wasn't cuddly -- isn't cuddly -- and wouldn't even look at me. But I realize that I do. We played with a string together yesterday, though he'd never come more than 2 feet away from me. He'll paw at my feet when I'm not looking. Watching my kitten is so entertaining. Since I've had him, I've often paused movies I was watching, because the view of Donnie paying with his toys or with Ozzie was more entertaining than my newest DVD.

"Raise your hand if you're sick of Sept. 11."
LIZ MORRISON, high school teacher in Manchester, Mo., in an effort to engage her students in a discussion of the attacks; two-thirds raised their hands
TIME Magazine, September 23, 2002

That's my high school cheerleading coach. I'm flabbergasted. She was quoted in the same batch as Kofi Annan and George Bush. (And no comments about cheerleading. It is all in the past.)

Kirsten Dunst or Dominique Swain?

Julia Stiles or Erika Christensen?

Hollywood, find some new faces.

I don't know what time it is. Well, I do now that I'm on my computer. But, sadness of sadnesses, my alarm clock has passed away. You don't understand. That alarm clock has been with me for a very long time. I got it as a First Communion present from my Aunt Elaine when I was in second grade. I've used it ever since, the only alarm clock I've ever had. It woke me up for school from third grade through college and, until a few weeks ago, woke me up for work every day. I think that adds up to about 16 or 17 years I had this alarm clock. Which is, like, most of my life (an all were conscious years, as opposed to ages 1-3 which don't count for nothing when it comes to memories.) And fond memories of it I have. Once, in high school, I had set it to 'alarm' instead of 'music,' as I usually did, and when it went off in the morning, not recognizing what the awful noise was, I ran downstairs and almost out the front door before I realized that it was not the smoke alarm blaring, but my lil' ol' alarm clock. In college, my dear suitemates taught me to glory that is The Snooze Button. While in the dorms, I met a very cute boy who had the very same alarm clock as I. Though I felt this created an enormous bond between us, he did not see it as reason enough for anything. Pffft! This alarm clock followed me through two houses, two dorms, two apartments, four states (not to mention camps, vacations and summers away) and over 1,000 snoozes. I always wondered how this alarm clock would meet its final end, since it never caused me a single problem. But it shorted itself once the other day, greeting me with a blinking, incorrect time. And it did it again yesterday. And this morning, as I rolled around in bed in restless sleep, I realized, she'd gone dark. I guess I'll have to go buy a new one. I don't know what's new in the world of alarm clocks since I've never had to buy one. And, now that I'm thinking about it, I don't have a working watch right now either. Would a psychoanalyst twist this all to mean that time has no importance to me? Maybe. I just want a new clock so I know what time it is in the middle of the night.

I Met Royalty and Shook Hands with a Billion Dollars Saturday afternoon, one of my cousins in NJ called me and asked if I had any plans for the night. No, I said. (No plans on a Saturday night [sigh]) She said her husband was having dinner in The City and would give me a ride back to NJ to hang out for the weekend. Fab. When the dinner let out on 58th Street, I met up with Scott and his party as they said their goodbyes. I, clad in jeans and a sweatshirt, was introduced to a gaggle of khaki-and-blazer dinstinguished men. (And they were all tall, which made this 5-foot-short girl feel even smaller.) We left the group and headed over the GWB. "You met a Lord tonight." "I did?" "The guy we just dropped off on 67th Street. And a Prince too." "I DID?" "The tallest guy." "What is he a prince of?" "England." "What does that mean, exactly?" "Nothing." He just has a lot of money. Scott is starting a new business and has gathered millions and millions of dollars from these men to fund it. I am very impressed. Three Pedals? In other news, while out in NJ, cousin Barbara and I borrowed a pick-up truck from one of her friends so we could move some logs from the yard of a family friend. The dump wasn't taking any lumber on Sunday, so we drove to a parking lot, where she taught me to drive standard in the truck. I got the hang of it too. I got up to 3rd a few times in the lot, but couldn't get above that. But I think I still get the gist of it. I've long wanted to learn to drive standard and have missed a bunch of opportunites to do so. But now I've finally done it and can check it off my list of "Things I Want to Learn." (I actually do have a list, and I will really cross this off it.)

Are you going to be there?

There's some very intense kitten-bonding happening this weekend. Until yesterday, I hadn't picked up my kitten in a week. He runs away from me, and has some fantasticly impossible hiding places here in my apartment, including under the couch -- which my short arms aren't long enough to reach him under -- and inside the boxspring of my bed. But after playing a lot of Nintendo last night, Mike helped me corral Donnie into a place that I could pick him up. After a lot of cuddling and purring, I put him in the bathroom. He's going to be there for the weekend, I think. I spent about an hour in the bathroom myself last night, reading a magazine, while he poked around at me and played with some toys that I brought in there. I'm hoping that after a day and a half or so of me going in there, picking him up, playing with him, when I let him out he won't be as scared of me. I do worry that he thinks being in the bathroom is a punishment, but I really want to take advantage of his capture, since it is such a rarity. Who knows if it will work. We'll see.

If you've visited my apartment in the last few months and tried to help yourself to water from the fridge, say, you were probably yelled at with something like, "Don'tgointhereDon'tgointhereI'llgetitforyou!" No more. On the 11th, with all my nervous energy, I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom. Washed every dish, wiped down the counters, mopped the floor. And to top it all off, I actually went grocery shopping -- another chore, like dishwashing, that I truly despise -- to fill this newly-spruced kitchen with food. So, come on over! Help yourself to a glass of water or iced tea. :D

Anyone know if the Giants-Rams game is going to be on TV on Sunday? Got a real bug for football last weekend and would love to see it ... and am fearing I won't be getting it on any of my pitiful 10 channels ... [sigh]

Today is one of those days where every song you hear seems to have more meaning than all the other times that you hear them. It's seemed cliche because I see signs that say it all over, but today they seem the only words that make any sense to say -- because there really are no words. ... We will never forget. ***** A few other things, as I'm committed to having a very normal day (did some dishes, going to do some shopping, have a dentist appointment). * Paul was nice enough to have me over for poker last week. Had a blast. The Donk also did well (despite my threatening to say otherwise). Ken says of me: "Knows When to Hold `Em, When to Fold `Em, When to Kick Your Ass!" I did well. :) Looking forward to the next game. * Went to Boston this weekend. Also had a good time there. Watched a lot of sports. Way hotter than I had planned. And stayed a day longer than I planned. Thanks to all my hosts. * If C3PO is "fluent in over 6 million forms of communication," why does he stutter and hesitate so much when he speaks anything other than English? * Watched a fabulous movie last week: The Seven Samurai, Akira Kurosawa's classic. Known as the first action movie ever, I didn't expect to like this movie very much, but it's a classic, I felt obligated (in order to further round out my movie experiences). It's frickin' long -- 3.5 hours -- so I watched it in two parts. I really did like it. If you're in the mood, I highly recommend it. * Still having nightmares.

Cat Rats and Classroom Kisses I've been having a lot of nightmares lately. I guess that's not surprising, all things considered, but I wish they'd stop. (No, I'm not watching Clockwork Orange or reading The Fountainhead before going to sleep.) My theory on 'what dreams are' is that it's just a bunch of thoughts all jumbled together, and sometimes represent what's been on my mind (Caryn's Top 10 Worries or What I Had for Lunch Today), sometimes they don't. Considering that I don't usually have nightmares, and I've been having a lot of them lately, and I have had some upsetting things happen to me, I'm going to go on the assumption that these recent dreams do represent something. Let's look at last night's nightmare, shall we? I told off a girl I know named Cate. Told her I hated her, didn't give a shit about her, laughed in her face, called her insane and was very loud and mean to her ... all while I was washing dishes ... In real life, Cate and I aren't close, and are aquaintences with a mutual friend -- and I like her, don't hate her. However, when I woke up and thought about it, Cate -- who I just spent the weekend with at the lake -- is tall, fair, with curly brown hair ... a similar description of someone I might want to hurl the insults I spewed at. And, I hate washing dishes. With a passion. Lots of animals appeared in the house I was in. First, it was kittens. Tiny ones. But then there were more and then weird animals, like a freaked-out-cat-like white rat (with long legs and red eyes), and others I couldn't see, crawling under and behind furniture. I felt surrounded by them. Must be anxiety about having 2 cats in the house now, not just 1 anymore. And my kitten crawls under the furniture a lot. Animals can make me a little anxious, so maybe that's also why I had such a nervous feeling about this whole scenario. Cate (who wasn't speaking to me anymore) was smart enough to trap all the animals in boxes and we drove them to a vet where they could be taken care of and adopted. Then, when Cate was leaving the house, I ran down some stairs to catch her and give her a hug and tell her I was sorry for saying all those mean things to her. She thanked me for coming to visit her, because she lives so far away and almost no one ever does. Umm ... I am going to interpret this as me saying sorry to Cate -- because it's not her I was mad at --, and not the curly-haired crazy I would have told off. And I have few visitors to my apartment, but Cate actually said something just like this this weekend, because she's moved out to Flushing -- because she's going to law school on a full scholarship! And she's gorgeous! And she's single! Intelligent men, please apply! In the final act of the nightmare, I walked into a lecture hall with a close friend I'll call Joan. As we walked up the stairs to our seats, she noticed that down at the front of the room was a guy (portrayed by a former coworker of mine) I'll call Steve. Joan is head-over-heels for Steve, and Steve is making out with another girl in front of the chalkboard. Crushed, Joan pulls me to the floor, to the side of the stairway, where we crouch behind a podium. She's crying, and Steve walks up the stairs and sees us. He yells at Joan to get over it, and then yells at me for being there spying with her. (But I don't think we were really spying.) This one is very clear to me. A friend experiencing unrequited love. Even though Steve isn't the one Joan is in love with, I get it. Anyone know what stairs in a dream are supposed to represent? There were a lot of them in this dream ... and I was going up some, and down others ... I had a really good day yesterday -- hung out with Will, and had dinner and drinks with an old coworker. I went to bed early (for me -- 11:30) with no TV on and didn't read before bed, either. And I STILL had a nightmare. I want them to go away.

Well, I did send the notecards that I said I would, but that's about all I can scratch off of that To Do list. (I got inspired and sent a few more, including a set of sollymade Vin Diesel Paper Dolls to one lucky friend.) They weren't on the list, but I also bathed in the sun and the tub today. And read Entertainment Weekly cover-to-cover. (Sopranos issue!) I'm pretty bored ... but I have a lot of plans for the rest of the week, so I don't have to worry too much this week about more aimless days like today.

Hello, I'm back to reality where I have no job. In the last 11 days, I have rest my head on 5 pillows in 3 states and I'm sick of living out of a backpack. I've been in places of too much reality and not enough. And now I am back. My little kitten still hops away from me. I have a 'to do' list for today, but am unmotivated to do anything on it. Caryn's To Do List Write cards to Amy and Suzanne Email my resume to Cousin Joe, Maryann, Stephie J Buy toothpicks, cat food and nail polish remover Look into joining the pool, getting a newspaper subscription Buy some new pet fish [sigh]

Friend: herro! SeeSolly: hi Friend: how's the week been? SeeSolly: horrid Friend: why? :-( SeeSolly: my uncle died - killed by a drunk driver SeeSolly: just got back from funeral Friend: i'm sorry Friend: you holding up ok? SeeSolly: haven't had much time to think about it, to tell you the truth SeeSolly: but i have a splitting headache, a stomach ache, my neck hurts SeeSolly: so, i'd say the stress is getting to me Friend: damn Friend: you going to MA for the weekend to relax? Friend: or stayin near family? SeeSolly: no SeeSolly: but i am going away SeeSolly: upstate to a cabin in the woods on a lake w/ some friends Friend: oh Friend: that sounds good Friend: do some swimming Friend: sailing SeeSolly: yeah Friend: and nude tanning SeeSolly: ha

There's been a death in the family. I'll be out of town for the next few days and not online much. ... But, in an effort to lighten things up just a little (as I'm quite quite quite stressed out now), here's a conversation last week between Matt and Marcia: "I'm thinking about moving to Queens." "I love Queens. Queens in The New Brooklyn." "Yeah, I guess it is. Brooklyn is The New Manhattan." "Staten Island is still Staten Island." "Is the Bronx just the Bronx? Actually, the Bronx IS The New Queens. What's Manhattan then?" "Manhattan is The New Tokyo." ..... Oh, yeah ... and I'm a readhead now. ..... She doesn't even read this blog, but I want to send a big thank you to Amy who was too sweet and drove me back from Boston at a very early hour yesterday morning. It meant the world to me. Also, thanks to everyone in Boston, especially Heather H and Nora, for all your support. And thanks to Marcia for coming to see me in the park last week. And thanks to Heather K for having me for dinner next week. Too many people to thank. I have the best friends; I'm one of the luckiest girl in the world.

I can't sit still. Ever since I got home yesterday afternoon, I haven't been able to stop moving. I did 5 loads of laundry and cleaned out 4 of my 'junk corners.' I started 3 different movies and couldn't sit on the couch long enough to finish a single one of them. I tried taking a nap a few times, but could never relax enough to fall asleep. I decided to treat myself to dinner out, and instead of ordering in, I walked out to get it. I didn't sleep well last night. Shortly after I wrote that last post, I left the house for what turned out to be a 2-hour walk. I'm still not very tired, though I'm sure I got a great workout. (I wonder how far I walked ...) Someone, a tranquilizer, please.

... i can't sleep ...

Deja vu. All over again. Well, today didn't go as I'd planned at all. Today is the 1-year anniversary of the start of this blog. I was so excited about it that yesterday, while at work, I drafted a post for today. (I combed my archives for highlights, wrote quippy remarks about my first post, found some cute illustrations to go along with it.) I can't publish that post. Because it's on my work computer. And, today, I lost my job, so I can't really get to that cute little file I made. So, let's recall August 21, 2001 ... "I have no job. I was laid off from a ~~dot-com~~ education company ~~in mid-July~~ today and I am actively seeking an editorial position of some sort in New York City. I hate being unemployed." I'm really disoriented today (as I was the day I was laid off last year), so I don't have too many clear thoughts on the subject of my newfound unemployed status. I'll share them when I can make sense of them.

I'm feeling a little better. Still quite up-in-the-air, though. And I'm skipping volunteering tonight. It probably would perk me up, but I'm feeling kind-of anti-social. Heather and I turned my apartment upside down this weekend, and it'll make me feel good to go home and clean a bunch of it up. I almost always feel better when my home is in order.

I'm lost. And stressed. And rejected. And tired. ...

Have a great weekend! I have a great one planned. Tonight (I think) I'll be hanging with a few girls that I roomed with my freshman year of college. Then, tomorrow, Heather is coming to visit me, and we have a lot of fun stuff to do. We're going to have dinner at our favorite Indian restaurant, watch my new favorite movie (which she hasn't seen), go dancing, and pick up her new kitten! (We might even squeeze in a photo shoot with our favorite toy.)

Can someone explain to me what this is? http://www.austinpowers.com/.../http/seesolly.blogspot.com/

Would we rather be constantly and completely happy or complex and at times, pretty pathetic and tragic? Jenn's vote was for complex. Happy all the time would be boring, she said. I have to agree. I think it was a character in Vanilla Sky who said something about having to taste the bitter to appreciate the sweet. (Heather Hunter)

I'd vote for happy all the time. I think that's the whole point of living, being happy. I don't see what's wrong with that. I mean, this is a strange hypothetical question to ask (maybe Heather can clarify). Would I rather change my life right now to be one of those things? Or born into one of those choices? If it's change my life right now, I think I have enough (not a lot, but enough) wisdom to know how lucky it is to be happy and bright enough to appreciate it when it happens. So, if I had to make the choice right now, I'd go for deliriously happy. And if I were to be born one, I'd also choose happiness. I understand that Heather's point is that to be able to appreciate some things, it's beneficial to go without. I can do without the tears and aching heart and mind-bending dilemmas, though. Do I have to stick my hand in a fire to know that it would hurt a lot? I'd certainly have a better appreciation for others who've burned their hands, and the scars would give me character. Does that make me a better person? (Maybe it does ... I'm thinking out loud ...) And boring? How on God's green earth is being happy boring? When I'm happy, I'm usually doing something far from boring: dancing at a nightclub, enjoying a nice evening in a park, watching a favorite movie, having a long talk with a close friend, playing golf with my family. I could go on. Heather, weren't we talking about how great we're doing now, being happy? Is it cooler to be mopey/tragic than try to turn your life toward happiness and enjoy it? Is it easier?

Hey, New Yorkers, looking for something to do tonight? Head over to Bryant Park around 7:30pm for a free performance by India.Arie and a film of last year's Jazzfest. (I haven't decided whether I'm going or not. Might be too hot. Let me know if you're going and maybe I can catch up with you.)

Now that I'm home and have already completely forgotten all that silly work stuff ...

I have a new toy: the Swiffer® WetJet. (Boys, it uses batteries! It is like a toy!) I hate mopping and this will solve all my problems. In the floor-cleaning arena, anyway. So, Caryn, does this mean your apartment will be sparkling clean every time I come over (which is almost never)? Yes, it will be clean whenever you get your toches over here. (I looked up how to spell that, toches.)

I am not feeling well. I've been wanting to leave work for several hours but I stayed because we were going to send a press release. (I send press releases.) Now we're not doing it at all and I'm free to go home. Now. At 5. Why couldn't they have figured this out hours ago???

People! Listen up! If you ever see Paul have a contest, enter. You will probably win. I've entered two. I've won two. I won both because I was the only one who entered. So, give the guy a break, enter his contests. Otherwise, I'll just have to keep all the prizes for myself ... wait a minute! What am I telling you all this for? ...

I'm so sorry I can't find an article on this, but last night I saw a story on the TV news about how Mayor Bloomberg has started to put an old (unused) Bronx prison as emergency housing for homeless families. A bunch of people interviewed in the story -- particularly the people who were using the facility -- were not happy about it. They were saying they did nothing wrong and shouldn't be housed in a prison, a place designed to keep people inside. Others were in favor of it. I think it sounds like a great idea. It's emergency housing. It's a place with (I believe) 89 beds that aren't being used. There are toilets, a food prep area. I don't know much about the mentality of homeless people and what kind of pride issues they may have with it. I've talked to a few police officers in the last few weeks about the homeless people I see on the street, and they told me that the street people that they approach to offer to take to shelters often refuse. (And, might I add, the police don't seem too interested in helping homeless people. Last time I approached a few officers about a man I had seen down the block that looked in bad shape sprawled across the whole sidewalk, the officers gave me a snarky look and said, "Yeah, they do that.") What do you think about an out-of-use prison being used as an emergency homeless shelter? edit: Good Man Paul has found some articles. (I mustn't have tried very hard ...) A Jail Becomes a Shelter, and Maybe a Mayor's Albatross Jail Reopens as a Shelter for Families

I am now in posession of one gorgeous, but very freaked out, kitten. Had my other cat not also been the type to freak out, I might be worried. But I'm not. I'm keeping him in the bathroom for now, while he calms down. (I don't want him to run into a closet or under some furniture so I can't find him. He can be freaked out all he wants, as long as I know where he is.) He really is a great-looking cat. He has wide gray stripes, highlighted with sparkly sliver lines. Really precious. As soon as he lightens up, I will take some pictures to share with you. Why do I keep getting cats with anxiety disorders??

My blog looks like crap. I'm so sorry I've brought you in to such a messy home. But with imood, tag-board and my goddamn movie news all down, there's not much I can do about it. Please forgive.

THE FRIDAY FIVE 1. Do you have a car? If so, what kind of car is it? I did. I sold it. It was a 1996 Pontiac Grand Prix. Red. 2. Do you drive very often? Not anymore. 3. What's your dream car? Hmm ... I'm not a big car buff (unlike some people), but maybe this one. 4. Have you ever received a ticket? Yes, a few. Countless parking tickets, and 4 speeding tickets. ... I guess that's more than a few, huh? 5. Have you ever been in an accident? Yes. Just one. Four college kids and an elderly grandmother traveling at 50mph from Boston to St. Louis, via Syracuse and Buffalo, hit an icy bridge and the whole car spun around a few times, knocking the guardrail each time. Dad: "Get the headlights repaired before you get back on the road." Me: "Dad, I don't think I can. The damage is pretty bad." Dad: "Just do it." I didn't. I couldn't. We got stopped by the cops 3 times in Illinois about the lights. When we finally arrived, Dad: "Ah. I see why you didn't get them fixed." Car was pretty totalled, but everyone was fine.

Looking to waste a few minutes? Try the Spear Toss. My best was 506 (meters? feet?). Will got to 509. How far can you throw it?

Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego?
Find out @ She's Crafty

As you may have read, I have had a crummy couple of days. Things have been very good and happy for me this summer -- had a lot of fun and made some great personal accomplishments -- so it was bound to get a little ruffled at some point, right? I'm trying to let it all slide, but this morning things were topped off when a man pushed me down the last step of the subway staircase to get onto his soon-departing train. Someone, please tell me being pushed down the stairs is a weirdo good omen, like having a bird shit on you. I need things to turn around.

Well, the baby aside, I've had a disappointing couple of days. Here's hoping yours have been better -- and that mine will improve. :D

Friday night, I had a really nice evening. One of those great ones where you feel stepped back from all the craziness and can enjoy some peace for a little while. Funny that I found peace in an extremely heavy rainstorm. A good friend and I escaped her un-air-conditioned living room for the cool comfort of her Astoria stoop, from which we watched lightening for hours. It was just nice. I didn't do that much else this weekend. I was quite the sloth. Watched some movies, some more Sopranos, napped. I did get my ass off the couch to go to a birthday party Saturday night, and made it to the deli for some sorbet yesterday. That's about all I have to report ... besides the very exciting baby news, of course. ;)

More happy news for Sassy and Weasel. Their baby, Hunter Elizabeth, was born last night. Mom and babe are safe and healthy. I'm going to visit them after work. Congratulations, guys!!!

See! Mommy: I'm glad it's Friday too - we are going to Strausenfest downtown on Saturday (someone Dad worked with is playing in one of the bands) and on Sunday we are playing in a KofC golf tournament. SeeSolly: hee hee - strausenfest - like i mentioned oktoberfest in my post! - it's the beer, i tell you! not the band! Mommy: you're probably right

THE FRIDAY FIVE 1. What is your lineage? Where are your ancestors from? I'm roughly half German and half Irish, with some French and Welsh tossed in there. 2. Of those countries, which would you most like to visit? I've been to Ireland, France and Wales, so I'll go with Germany. 3. Which would you least like to visit? Why? I liked them all very much. 4. Do you do anything during the year to celebrate or recognize your heritage? Not really. (Unless you count St. Patrick's Day and Oktoberfest, but I think my dad just likes them for the beer ... hmmm ...) 5. Who were the first ancestors to move to your present country (parents, grandparents, etc)? I am the 10th generation of my family to be born in this country, so my great⁷grandparents.

I watched Donnie Darko last night, and it was sooo good. Recommended to me by a film geek, Donnie Darko is a fabulous movie. It was produced by Drew Barrymore, which makes me like her more than I did before. Jake Gyllenhaal does an amazing job as Donnie, and is now a new favorite actor of mine. Lots of other great performances. Cool special effects. Lots of surprises and just a fun ride. Go rent it. Now.

I crossed paths with a very interesting person the other day. I was volunteering at the Blood Center. This man was in his late 60s, I'd guess, and was wearing a yarmulke. I asked him if he'd like apple or orange juice. Several other Jewish donors had made me show them the cartons of juice to see for themselves that it was kosher, so I expected a little pickiness. "Oh whatever," he answered. We had "Friends" on the TV, and no one else was there at the time, so we asked if he wanted to watch something else. He said, "Oh, this is fine." So far, he was the most laid-back man to come through the Center that day. We were chit-chatting -- about television -- and he asked, "Do you know what the best show on TV is?" I asked, What? "Sex and the City," he said. He and his wife never miss it, the funniest show on TV, he said. I liked that guy.

You may recall that I have a refrigerator in my living room. (Notice, that was on June 24th!) It was still there last week, so I wrote a very polite note to my landlord asking if they could help in any capacity to get that icebox out of my precious little space. <mugatu>Get out of my building, like now!</mugatu> Anyway, the new fridge has now been installed, and last night I cleaned out the living room appliance. Hopefully it will be carted out today. What a pain in the ass, huh? This is exactly why it wasn't fixed right when it broke in the first place. Such a hassle. But now it's done. :)

Me: This just occurred to me, but, I was wondering, do you think there might be a protest at our investors' conference on Thursday, also considering the Philadelphia contract is being signed tomorrow? Boss: Yes, we did think of that. We've hired extra security. Plainclothes. You can go ask Donna to see if she's called the police to check if there's been a permit for a protest issued. Me: ... I can't believe we're thinking about this. Boss: Well, we work for this company.

Goodness gracious, I'm causing nightmares! Bloody ones.

I'm reconsidering the kitten ... hmmm ... what to do, what to do? ...

[pic removed - broken]

If you don't know, I have a cat. His name is Ozzie. An old boss of mine had a baby with his wife, and they needed to get rid of their cats. I wished him well in finding homes for them, but he seemed keen on convincing me to take one home. Ozzie in particular, because he's so sweet, and the other cat was a b*tch. I said, No thanks. Then he brought over to my desk a picture of his pretty striped face, huge green eyes, pink nose. I brought home the cat that night. Now, a kitten-peddling friend has been trying to get me (and everyone else she knows) to take home a kitten. I've said, No thanks. Then she posted pictures (see right). This is the pretty baby she thinks should go home with me. I think I may have just lost another battle against my weakness for cute, furry things. [sigh] ... heh, yeay! I'm getting a kitten!

More fun with instant messaging. This really cracked me up. (Thank you Brian for the link.)

The last two years, I have kicked ass on my New Year's Resolutions. Last year, I resolved to do at least one brand new thing every month, something I had never done before. (You can read about it here. I didn't keep up the diary all year, but I assure you, I kept in the groove of doing new things.) And, today, July 24, 2002, I have completed this year's resolution, which was to:

get myself to the doctor, as I hadn't had a physical in about 4 years (mission accomplished: Jan. 18)
get myself to the dentist, as I hadn't had a cleaning in about 2 years (mission accomplished: Jan. 30)
get new glasses, as mine had been scratched and broken for far too long (mission accomplished: today)

Go me.

Lookie Jen!

Take the Purrsonality Quiz!

What Was Your PastLife?

What a pisser. To preface, I had a lovely evening tonight. Went out with some work people for a few drinks, then met up with friends for some more drinks. Good times. I just got home a little while ago. I got to my front door, kitty mewing on the other side, and it wouldn't open. I thought I might be drunk and mixed up the locks, but they were both unlocked. After a lot of staring at the door and pushing on the bottom five feet of it, I still couldn't get it open. The idea of sleeping in the hall was not appealing, so I woke up the Super. He got up, opened the door without too much trouble and went back to bed. I walked in and noticed that there are plaster chunks and dust all over the floors and every other surface in the apartment -- even this very keyboard I am typing on. A leak in my ceiling -- which I have been begging the Super to fix for a month -- has finally been fixed. Well, I guess this is what he calls fixed, but it doesn't look very good to me. And he's left me with a giant mess in here to clean up. I'm not sure how to feel about this. The ceiling is fixed, but he left a mess, but he got up at 1am to get me into my apartment which I tipped him for before I walked inside. I'm not pleased and don't know whether to clean this all up now or tomorrow. I think I'm going to clean it now ... it's really gross ... I'm trying not to be mad. I don't want to be mad. Getting mad won't get the apartment clean. I should get offline. I'm going to be up late tonight no matter what, might as well not delay it anymore ... [sigh]

Our fans are calling. (See Justin.) LilNaughtyGrl*: i've got like four of those little dolls of justin you used. Every one i got his head fell off See Solly: hahaha - this dude's head hasn't fallen off yet See Solly: and we've taken him everywhere See Solly: we should write another story LilNaughtyGrl: yep maybe one about his head falling off Justin4eva*: that couple really scared me See Solly: couple? Justin4eva: Brit and JJ See Solly: oh Justin4eva: Britney and Justin Justin4eva: i was on the internet once and there was a pic off her taking her shirt off ina car with him next to her in it and he was kissing her neck and she was completely topless i mean if you are that comfortble with stuff like that then they sould really get help iknow the probably had no clue people were watching but i mean come on get a room See Solly: ha See Solly: i'm sure it wasn't real Justin4eva: no i was real Justin4eva: it See Solly: ok NSYNCster*: hey do you have any of the other dolls / See Solly: nope, just that one. my friend gave it to me as a gag present one year for my birthday NSYNCster: well cause i was thinking if you had like lance or one of them justincould be like sexualy attracted to him and the story could be about justin tring to prove his love for that one you had and then it turns out that one was gay to aand had a secret crush on another member and that breaks justin 's heart i thought of that cause i have three of the dolls NSYNCster: my bf thought that was funny See Solly: hahaha NSYNCster: see i am a writter TimberlakeStar*: justin cheating on britney that's juat what he needed to do TimberlakeStar: because i really do think she cheated on him TimberlakeStar: she needs to get a lock on those under wear See Solly: ha - how do you know? do you know them? TimberlakeStar: sorta See Solly: sorta? Timberlakestar: well my cousins boss was justin's aunt Imasadsadlittlegirl*: see there is a drugs store like right down the street from me and they sell those dolls for 2 dollars and my dad buys them for me See Solly: haha Imasadsadlittlegirl: Shows how much nsync is worth to ppl Something to break up the day, anyway. :P * Names have been changed to protect the illiterate.

Todd Levin cracks me up. More for the "if you're bored and want something funny to read" category: Tremble.com. Does that make me gay? is hilarious, as is every nook and cranny of this site. I could read this all day ...

One year ago, today, I was spending my first day as a laid-off dot-commer. I was practically inconsolable because I had just lost the best job I had ever had. (And even today, it was still the best job I have ever had.) I am very proud to say, though, that one year later, I am in a very happy place. Every day, I wake up with a smile on my face because I'm so pleased with the direction my life is going -- even though I'm not sure what my final destination will be -- but the view along the way is breath-taking. I was thinking, on my way in to work, how much happier almost everyone I know is today as compared to a year ago, despite the very rough patches inbetween. Is this true? Are you happier today than you were on July 11, 2001? I hope you are.

I got a library card today. :) The guy behind the counter who was processing the applications looked like his head was about to explode. Everyone who came up to the counter bothered him and got him stressed. I tried my best not to -- I like to go easy on people who are in customer service -- but even I made him huff and puff a little bit. That man needs to relax. Getting this card has gotten me very excited. I've been wanting to read more -- and I am -- and now it'll be so easy. Of course it's easy; I should have gotten the card a long time ago. But now I have it and am free to borrow as I please. Hooray. Some friends and I are starting a book club, so as soon as we choose our first book (which is not turning out to be as painful a process as it could have been), I'm gonna shoot on over to the NYPL.

If you're looking for something funny to read, please check out Swipe Magazine. Themedog and Scantman have been cracking me up for a few weeks now, and I thought I would share the love. In their own words, "Scantman and Themedog met 20 years ago. They leave behind a pile of burned bridges, shattered lives, and the great taste of cigarettes -- in a soft drink!" Check 'em out.

Hey, BU kids! Big news! Westling Resigns. You have to register to read this story on the Free Press site and I know a bunch of you are lazy, so here's some of it for you (*sniff*, from two reporters I've never heard of there ... I'm getting old ...) WESTLING RESIGNS By Dave D'Onofrio and Bill Yelenak Jon Westling stepped down Tuesday as president of Boston University and will be replaced on an interim basis by Chancellor John Silber, the University announced. Citing the University's need for a president who can make a long-term commitment to BU's strategic plan, and his own desires of returning to the classroom, Westling's resignation is effective immediately and he will take a one-year sabbatical before returning to the University next year as a professor. Geck, Silber is worse than Westling. They better pick someone else - fast. And Westling's gonna be a prof? I don't think I'd wanna be one of his students.

"Is it just me, or have you noticed a lot of pregnant women around the city lately?" "No, it's not just you! I've noticed it too." "I wasn't sure because I have a friend who's pregnant, so I thought that's why I was noticing it." "I read an article about an increase in pregnancies, so I thought that's why I was noticing it." People, the 9/11 baby boom is real. :)

I think I know why I've been waking up feeling so funky the last few days ... it's going to bed reading The Fountainhead! Reading about what those people are doing to one another. It's what I think makes the book a fascinating, mind-bending read so far (I'm really liking it), but these people are messed up and doing horrible things to one another -- things that I could never even have concieved of. So, now, I like the uneasiness -- getting shaken up by a book is a great thing.

I don't care much about the quiz, but it's a pretty picture ...

To quote John Cusack in Grosse Pointe Blank, "I'm feeling uneasy, man." I hate waking up feeling uneasy. Because I can almost never pin down why I feel this way. Eleanor suggested once that it might be because I had a bad dream and now I can't think of it, but I'm left with the tense feeling it gave me. I think that's probably right, but it still doesn't cure me of my edginess. What a crummy way to start a Monday ...

How was your 4th of July? Mine was great. Orchid invited me to a party at her friend's apartment, a Union Square high-rise with a deck five times the size of my own apartment. People were great, food was great, fireworks were great. 'Twas a blast. Unfortunately, on the way home, a man in front of my building decided to declare independence from his pants and jerked off in front of me. It actually wasn't funny and was quite scary. I ran inside and called 911. Ick. Today, I was supposed to be going to the Jersey shore with my paranoid friend. She is visiting the metro area from Boston, and even though she's 23 years old, she's been grounded by her father and has had the car keys taken away. (Note to Paranoid: Avoid calling your father an asshole next time you two get into a fight.) So, no beach. Since my plans have fallen though, I'm going to have to make my own fun today. Most of my friends that I usually hang out with are out of town this weekend, so I'll be having a solo day of fun, actually. Today, the plan is to go see Insomnia and see where the day takes me ... Looking forward to it. Have a great day!

I love Peter Sellers.

I just watched Being There last night and really, really liked it. I can see why it was nominated for so many awards (though I didn't until the final few seconds of the movie, which really topped it all off). Roger Ebert's review says it all much better than I can, and I agree with his praise and criticisms of the movie. Must rent more Peter Sellers ...

It's going to be 95° and over 62% humidity outside today. It's very comfortable here in my 78° apartment. Must I leave the house?

Cindy Adams may be on vacation, but Caryn Solly is on the case. More gossip from the Blood Center. (This was told to me by the head medic on duty, so take it how you want.) Supposedly, girl-next-door Julia Roberts came to the Center one day to donate, and when asked for ID, she refused. "Don't you know who I am?" she asked. When it was explained to her that it is policy to ask all donors for identification, Ms. Roberts stormed out without leaving a drop of blood behind.

Brian has found a new game. "You put your name plus the word 'is' into Google.com and you come up with fun interesting facts about yourself." Google Search: "Caryn is" Caryn is kissing all over Bobby! Caryn is an experienced athlete, exercise instructor, and a registered dietitian. Caryn is sharp, quick, and very modern. Caryn is alluring, charming, elegant and more all in a petite package. Caryn is a "people" person. Caryn is now confirmed for two television specials this fall on NBC. Caryn is a past president of the Farmville Christmas Show. Caryn is an astute and compassionate presenter, teacher, advocate, with a rich vast store of knowledge and an ability to convey that in meaningful ways. Caryn is hoping to breed her to our stallion, Elishah, in the next few weeks. Caryn is currently experimenting, creating a variety of ornaments, toys, stained glass works, and sculptures in her home. Caryn is definitely one of my all-time favorite figure skaters and it is always a pleasure to watch her skate. Caryn is finally bringing her fearless attitude into the WWF. Caryn is studying females and their calves. Caryn is a sucker for kitties. Caryn is followed around by a nutball journalist from one of the world's largest fashion magazines. Caryn is forced to admit Kyle isn't her son and turn to Matthew Caywood for help, the man she holds responsible for getting her sister pregnant and then pushing her into suicide, the man who just received a ransom demand of one million dollars for the safe return of a son he knew nothing about.

I have so much stuff I want to blog about, but I'm on vacation and don't want to spend a lot of time online. So, here's the quick run-down. (I do wish I could elaborate on each of these things, I'm on vacation, so you get the short version.) * Tuesday night my dad and I went to see The Goat, or Who is Sylvia?, 2002 Tony Winner for Best Play. So good. I highly recommend it. Bill Pullman and Mercedes Ruehl were great. A very shocking play, but I like shocking. And the ending is even more shocking. Check it out. (I even got tix half-price at TKTS for it.) * Yesterday morning, I attended a graduation ceremony for K-3 students of one of the schools my company runs. It was so amazing, and I wish those stupid protesters could have been there to see that not a person in that room cared about a bottom-line; everyone was there for the kids. And what amazing kids. (If you don't know who I work for, and are interested, email me and I will tell you. I'm just a bit skittish about putting too many links on my blog to it.) * Last night, I ran in the Corproate Challenge. But Caryn, you fast-food-eatin' cigarette-smokin' lazy-ass, you don't run. I know, but I did. I estimate that I ran 3 of the 3.5 miles. I can't believe I did it. (Dad ran with me, so I have a witness! I'm not lying!) And I thought today I wouldn't be able to move, but I was fine. Am fine. Go me. * Today, my dad, who was in NYC visitng me, and I flew to ... dumdumdum ... the Midwest. My mom didn't know I was coming, and I've come to surprise her as a birthday present. She was very surprised, and I am so glad to be on vacation for a few days. * I've now decided -- after years and years of protest -- that I like golf. Not watching golf on TV, which I stilll very much detest, but actually playing a game. It's actually pretty fun, and I have my moments of glory. (My long game definitely needs work, but my short game is pretty good.) I went out with Mom and Dad this afternoon and had a really good time. Outside, fresh air, sunshine, playing a game. (As mom and I pulled up to the 9th hole, we saw my dad in the other cart just cruise by the hole -- guess he hadn't realized there was one more hole to play. Mom and I had a good laugh over it as we played the 9th by ourselves. Silly Dad.) So, I'm on vacation. How nice. :)

I love surprises. My friend Mike, who lives in Boston, was driving down from Mass today and wated to stop by my office to say hello, just for a second because we're both in a rush and don't have to time to hang out like we wish. He called when he was a block away and asked me to come out. As quickly as I could, I headed out and was greeted not just by Mike but another good friend from Boston, Angela, who had hopped a ride with him. Made me wish even more that I didn't have a million and one things to do at work.

paranoid friend: btw. . . paranoid friend: you're not allowed to spend the fourth in the city See Solly: why not? paranoid friend: i no longer think it safe See Solly: why? paranoid friend: terrorists See Solly: i'm staying here. i'm not going to leave. paranoid friend: stubborn! See Solly: no no, it's called not living afraid

Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About I've yet to read why these two people can even stand one another, however, it makes for some very amusing web reading. It's a really long list, and I've yet to make barely a dent in it, but here are a few samples that will fit on this page and make you laugh: * "Wherever I'm standing is where Margret needs to be standing, and vice versa. Doesn't matter where we are - the kitchen, the bathroom, Scotland - we each infuriatingly occupy the space where the other one wants to be, urgently. Over the years we've developed signals for this situation. Mine is to stand behind her and mutter under my breath. Margret's is to shoulder-charge me out of the way." * "I came home from work on Friday and, as I wearily opened the door into the house, Peter heard me entering and poked his head out of the living room. 'Hello, Papa - I've missed you.' he shouts. From within the living room Margret's voice calls out to him 'No you haven't, Peter.'" * "Margret is sitting at this computer (which is in the attic room, incidentally) typing something. I'm flopped in a chair close by with a paper and pad, scribbling away at a bit of work. I pause and say to her 'Tortoise and turtle is the same word in German, isn't it?' She stops typing, reaches over, pulls off one of my Birkenstock shoes, throws it down through trapdoor (I hear it thud below, then flip-flop down the stairs) and returns to her typing. All in a single, silent movement. Your guess is as good as mine, frankly." I think it's funny. Read it. (And thanks Paul for the link.)

I have a refrigerator in my living room. Not a mini-fridge, a microfridge, or a cooler. A real full-sized fridgidaire. My fridge has been broken for an obscenely long time. (Longer that you probably think, and I'm not going to tell you how long because you'll yell at me.) Now I'm finally getting my act together to get it fixed. I talked to the Super and he said he'd just give me a brand new unit since mine is so old. Fabulous. Yesterday, he carted out the old one and moved in the new one. And as he wiggled it into the space between the wall and counter, he realized that it is too big to fit. Wonderful planning. Rather than leave me fridge-less, he's plugged it into an outlet in my living room and left it there until he can order a new one and bring it up. So, I have a regrigerator in my living room. Makes getting a drink while watching TV a whole lot easier though. :)

Score! I think I've finally found plans for the 4th of July! For weeks now I've been asking friends what they're doing, and yesterday, a friend said the magic words I've been waiting to hear: "Oh, Alex is having a party on her roofdeck." Roof party! That is what I really want to do. A roof party here in New York. I thought about going out of town because I have the 4th and 5th off from work, but I wasn't coming up with anything good. There is one catch though. My friend -- the connection to Alex -- may not be back in town on the 4th to go to the party. So, I'm going to do my best to peer pressure her into being in the city for the 4th so we can go to that party. ;)

Too funny! Heather and I took the Sex & the City tour yesterday, and, I don't know about her, but I could barely hold my laughter in.

First of all, the tour began at 5th Avenue across from the Plaza Hotel (where Carrie said goodbye to Big), and as Heather and I sat on a step, we realized that we were completely outnumbered: Everyone walking around was a tourist. (Makes sense with the Plaza, FAO, Tiffany's, Bergdorfs and an entrance to the park right there.) We chuckled a little at their expense and then wondered if, on this tour, we were going to be the outsiders. I tried not to laugh at the tourists anymore after that. (I don’t hate New York tourists. They love our city and leave a lot of money here. That’s not so bad.) The 55 women and 4 men on the tour piled toward the curb to board the bus. (I leaned toward Heather and said, “Any woman who would make a man come on this tour is just plain mean.”) We headed toward our first stop, and, along the way, our tour guide made a few off-color remarks about the Gay Pride parade, which we were missing by a day, according to her. I lost respect for her right there and any seriousness I might have had about the tour went right out the window.

As we got closer to Jimmy Choo (one of Carrie’s favorite shoe stores), Bigot mentioned that So-and-So from the Sopranos cast was going to be at our next stop. We weren’t expecting it, and we missed the name. “We’ll know who it is when we see him,” I told Heather who was taking fabulous notes for her article for her site. Bigot also pointed out that he’d be selling T-shirts out of the trunk of his black Cadillac, and he’d be happy to take a picture or sign an autograph if you buy something first. … Oooo-kay. We shuffled off the bus and guffawed at the shoppers in Jimmy Choo, paying hundreds of dollars for very good-looking shoes (I must say). Heather and I turned to take a look at look at the character selling T-shirts, and barely recognize him. If this guy had a part on the Sopranos, I barely remember. And I’ve spent half an hour on IMDb this morning trying to figure out who it was. I have no idea. But he was very big and the potential to be very bad. As Heather and I headed back to the bus, Bigot whispered to us, “He scares the bejesus out of me, I swear to God.” The rest of the tour was OK. About halfway through, Heather said, “I’m embracing my status as a tourist and I’m starting to enjoy it.” We passed by a lot of bars and shops. I felt kinda bad whenever we got off the bus to go into a store or an art gallery because these places would be flooded with people who didn’t buy anything.

But through the bad stand-up routine from our guide and the middle-aged couple who preferred to stay on the bus and make out while we toured, I did come out of the tour with something fabulous: Patricia Field. The costume designer of Sex & the City has a boutique, which I could have figured out on my own, I suppose, but I always figured the prices would be astronomical and entering the store would just be a giant tease to me. Not so. Cute tank tops for $8, awesome shirts for $25. (I'm sure some of it was much more expensive, but I was suprised to see anything reasonably priced.) The store was crowded with a bunch of Midwestern girls already giving SATC chic their best shot, so it was a little hard to move around and see all that was in there. But I think I really would go back there and buy some clothes. Such cute stuff, as you can imagine, if you haven’t been there. So, thanks again Heather. I had a very entertaining afternoon. And, please, visit her site, click on some ads, make her some money.

Is a weblog a little too flat for ya? How 'bout a qlog? As the site so eloquently states, "you log stuff. it shows you cool charts and graphs." "Uh, like what?" you ask. Golf for Mom, running for Dad, clothes for Heather. Sex , drugs and skydiving. If anyone ever actually uses one of these stupid things, let me know.

Since I'm at a loss for inspiration, I will answer the Friday Five: 1. Do you live in a house, an apartment or a condo? I live in an apartment. 2. Do you rent or own? I toss my money in the trash by renting. 3. Does anyone else live with you? No one but the cat. And he certainly counts. He makes more of a mess than I do. 4. How many times have you moved in your life? I could answer that a few different ways. Easiest way to answer is to say I've lived in 5 different cities. But if you add on summer and dorm/apartment moves, it's more. 5. What are your plans for this weekend? Fun stuff! Going for drinks tonight. Tomorrow, Heather and I are taking a Sex and the City tour (free - yeay press!). And Sunday Dad is coming to visit. :) And thank you Ravenwolf for reminding me of the Friday Five; I haven't answered these in a while.

I actually predicted that this is what I would be to Orchid (that cheeky girl, proud of her Pride). [sigh] 'Tis definitely my worst quality. Luckily, though, it usually only comes out in full force a few times a year. The rest of the time, it just motivates me to do things I want to do (that other people are doing first - haha). Well, there you go. Now you know the worst thing about me. Tread lightly; I'm feeling vulnerable.

Hooray for comments! Thank you Orchid for finding a provider.

So, I'm not the only one who thought that Starbucks "Collapse into Cool" ad might be a hoax. But, according to good ol' Snopes, it is true.

I went to the Opera in the Park again last night, and this week they performed the Barber of Seville. I was suprised to recognize a good bit of it. ("Fiiiiiiii-garo, Fiiii-garo, FigaroFigaroFigaro, Fiiiiigaro!") I went with one of my favorite coworkers Maryann and her friend Guy. We got rained out about half-way through and, while everyone scattered out of the Great Lawn, I called up Paul, who was also in the park and was nice enough to walk me to the subway. Despite the rain, a nice evening. :)

How many people must have thought this ad was good idea for it to get all the way to a window in a Starbucks in the Wall Street area? (If you can't see it well, it's two cups amid squared blades of grass with a dragonfly headed right for one of them. Ad reads: "Collapse into Cool.") What is wrong with people? Collapse into cool? Are people in other areas of the country that insensitive that they don't realize that New Yorkers might be a bit put off by this ad? I don't think in general they are, but I can't believe that the dozens of people involved in making this ad happen didn't think again before shipping it to NYC.

Today, there is going to be a protest against my company, here at our New York headquarters. Supposedly, a few hundred people are expected. Crazy stuff going on. We've been advised to consider entering the office through a different entrance and not carry any company logos to avoid unnecessary confrontations. They're also offering a free pizza lunch to anyone who doesn't want to leave the building. Security's also been beefed up. CEO says, "We respect the right of this group to express their views in a public forum." Sould be an interesting day.

Ooh! Thank you everybody! I had over 100 visitors yesterday, and over 160 pageviews. I think that's a new record for this small outfit.

Caryn Kinda Brushes With the Famous * Today, at the Blood Center, I served juice and cookies to Dan Futterman (who I recognized as Robin Williams' son in The Birdcage). * John Gotti was recently buried in the very same Queens cemetary where my grandfather rests (as well as many other members of my family). * And Matthew McConaughey is filming a new movie here in NYC, and he's a dish I would love to catch up-close and personal.

Goatload's Fantabulous Forum of Poo ... what a name. A name only Biren could come up with. But, take note: he's set up forums on his site for us all to stroll around like a new millenium salon. Take a look, leave a note, flame an idiot, tell Biren how cute he is. Have a ball!

What a day today is going to be! * It's Rob's birthday! (Have a happy one, old man!) * I'm supposed to have a long-awaited lunch with my boss, which he's cancelled on me 3 times now and I have a feeling he will again. * Going to volunteer after work until 8. * Then heading to a free concert in Central Park (Barber of Seville, this week). (And might be catching up with some new Blogger friends there.) * AND Mike L is supposed to be coming over today at some point because he's moving here and needs somewhere to stay while he looks for an apartment. Gotta make sure I eat well today - it's gonna be a busy day!

Thank you so much to Suzanne and Eleanor for coming to visit this weekend. We had a wonderful time: went to the Strand Annex, got tickets to Ground Zero (since Suzanne insisted that she couldn't leave NYC without seeing it), took the Staten Island Ferry, pushed our way through Times Square, rested in Rockefeller Center and then headed to Panna II for Indian food for dinner. After all that walking, we decided to stay in for the remainder of the evening. Sunday morning, Suzanne and I trekked to Ground Zero and came back home where Eleanor was still cuddled on the couch. We whiled away the afternoon with card games as we waited for John to arrive from Philadelphia to pick the girls up and shuttle them back to Boston. I had a really nice time, guys - thanks for coming. :)

If I spend more than 5 minutes on this post, I will surely be late for work, so I'll make it short and snappy. I could only stay at Blogapalooza for an hour on Friday, which was a shame, but I had to get back to Queens to meet friends who were coming in from out of town. I really wish I could have stayed longer, but I had a great time talking to Jim, Max, Paul, Jane, (646) Guy and Matt of the NYC Bloggers Map. Sorry I missed you Nick, and nice to see you again Ken. Looks like you all had a great time, and I'll do my best to stay for the whole party next time. (I left early for something else last time too, as I recall.) Hope to hear from you all. And a special note to female bloggers: If anyone ever hosts a blog party in your area, go go go. The ratio of men to women in attendence will be strongly in your favor, plus they're gonna have at least half a brain. (I cannot guarantee two halves.) I'll recap the adventures of Suzanne, Eleanor and myself once I get to work and have a soda in my system.

When I am with a person who likes to drop hints to something instead of coming right out and telling you something, lately, I refuse to pick up on it and give them what they want. If someone wants to tell me something, he or she should say it, not hint around so I'll say "What? What are you talking about? Is something bothering you?" or whatever. If he wants to tell me, he should say it. I don't know if that's right or not, but I'm having shorter and shorter patience for bullsh*t. Which I think is good for me. I think I put up with too much and don't stand up for myself enough, stand up for what *I* want. And I'm not going to give in to other people as easily as I used to. I'm trying, anyway.

Caryn Solly Goes High Society Well, who would have thunk it. Before I begin telling you about my fabulous luncheon at the Waldorf Astoria, thank you to Heather for inviting me to go. Visit her site, make money for her.

I just got back from a press lunch promoting a new grade of beef, Angus Prime, at the Bull and Bear restaurant in the Waldorf Astoria hotel. My cigarette was lit for me, and we started off with champagne and shrimp cocktails. We met the general manager of the restaurant (hot!) and the executive chef. I sat with well-known critic Sheldon Landwehr, Arthur Silverman, Jay Walman (a syndicated critic) and Shelley Clark of Lou Hammond as we enjoyed softshell crab and amazing steak. Look at me - one afternoon on the town and I'm already dropping names! The room was beautiful, the people classy and interesting. I used all of my best manners and listened. 'Twas a lovely event, and I even got a set of steak knives as I left. Being press is so fun. You get invited to the coolest stuff. :)

Another NYC Blog Party! How delightful!

Can't wait to see you all again!

<< S T R E T C H ! ! >> yAWWWn ... Good morning. So, last night I went to the opera in Central Park. I did not plan ahead enough to invite others, so I ended up going alone, but I still had a wonderful time. The opera was La Boheme, and I had printed out a summary of it so I had an idea of what was going on. (I actually did follow along pretty well.) And it was such a nice night. Rain threatened but never came, not a drop. And the temperature was lovely, with a fairly constant breeze. It was so nice. It made me want to get a group together for a dinner picnic in the park sometime: bring some wine, food, and just hang out. Sounds good to me ... let me pick a date and I'll make it happen. (And I'll give you more than 12-hours' notice this time. Promise.) It was one of those really nice New York moments ... peacefully surrounded by thousands of people, beautiful music, big sky, lit skyscrapers in the distance. Central Park is one of my favorite places in all of New York. And oh-so interesting are the results of everyone's compatibility tests ... oh yes, I get emailed all the results. Betcha didn't know that, didja? :P

Friend: i think you need to stop commenting back to will Friend: this topic is now making me want to kill people Friend: because it has gotten soooooooooooooo insanely drawn out Friend: :-) Friend: make it go away!!!!!!!!! See Solly: oh fine See Solly: heather said it's like a train wreck See Solly: you can't not look See Solly: and that's how i feel See Solly: i can't let him just say those things and not say anything back See Solly: if he stops, i'll stop See Solly: but i can't keep letting him say that junk See Solly: :-) See Solly: i've been fighting with him all morning See Solly: that boy is like a brick wall Friend: oh man...i looked around for some interesting stuff to read on people's blogs...and it's all about THIS crap! See Solly: and, might i note, that it did stop, and when he came back from vacation, he stirred it all up again. See Solly: i have other stuff on mine Friend: fine...true... Friend: but if you stop...he'll stop! Friend: it's will! See Solly: i know Friend: if you keep throwing in the last word, he'll keep going too! Friend: you can't win! See Solly: i won't blog about it anymore Friend: I ask as a friend :-) Friend: hahaha See Solly: ok ok - i will stop

To Will, again ... It’s easier to destroy then to build. It’s easier to sit rather then run… It always has been. Then how has any progress ever been made at all, do you say? If we're so weak at our human core, how do you explain that many of us have learned to read, build skyscrapers, operate governments and corporations, learn about art and history? If we can get so easily swept up in "mob mentality," why aren't we all Nazis? I don't think you're giving enough credit to the human race, at all. I mean, you said yourself that these things "don't apply to us." There are a lot of people exempt from your comments, not just "us." How do tens of thousands of people sit and enjoy a sporting event without breaking into a riot every time the other team scores? We're not a population of savages. A lot of people in their 80’s smoke every day, and packs a day. It's an addiction, duh. If those people have been smoking for 60 years, can you imagine breaking the habit? Maybe you can't. You are right that vices are not a young thing, and I don't think that's what Eleanor and I were trying to say. We were just speaking about what we know - as young people - instead of making sweeping generalities about parts of the population that we do not know. I think it also has to do with humans simply not wanting to do the right thing. First, it’s too hard. Again, I ask you, if this is true, how has anything been accomplished in human history, in your opinion? What about the decrease in donations (like blood), the increase in suicide rates I sited. As to the blood, are you sure it's a decrease in donations and not an increase in need? That sounds the more likely story to me (more surgeries being performed, more people entering cancer treatment, etc.). I don't disagree with you that an increase in suicide rates would be a symptom of something wrong, but I would hesitate to pin it on "human weakness" as opposed to increased pressure and stress on young people (as the source you Cited was about teen suicide) or increased numbers of broken homes, for example.

How compatible are you with me?

Some thoughts from others on truth:

It has been written, "The truth shall set you free." But free from what? Sometimes, I think that spilling the beans only sets us free from our own feelings of guilt. And at a price. Some truths don't enlighten or improve anything, instead only cause harm or injury to others. We've all been guilty of, "I'm telling you this for your own good," when in reality, the other person's well being is the last thing on our minds. I wish we all had the noblest of intentions all the time... I even wish we all could see what the "right thing" is (cause face it, it's not always that clear). Very interesting question, Solly. I guess it really all depends on what the "truth" is. [...] would telling her the truth make things any better? In the end, it did not. Or it didn't seem so, at least. It was painful for her to hear and painful to say, and I cannot see how it did her or me any bit of good. But-- who was I to make that decision? Who am I to say that withholding the truth is better because it spares me, or someone else, pain?? I don't willingly give other people that power over me. I say, tell me the truth and let me deal with it how I will. But at the same time, I'm not quite as willing to do the same... to relinquish that power to control information. Another question: Do we often confuse our own personal observations and opinions with "The Truth"? Just because we think something is one way, does that make it true?? Maybe that's too philosophical for this question. Maybe it's right inline with what you're asking. I don't know. I think that will form my opinion more clearly. Are we talking fact, or opinion?

[W]e make our choices, and we learn to live with them. We know our friends, and we know what we think they can handle... so we try to do our best by them by telling them the truth. Self preservation plays a role in hiding the truth... for example at work. A lot of times we can save ourselves trouble by keeping the truth inside (so long as it never comes out). Sometimes it's the same with our parents. And of course, sometimes its not our business to tell people... so we move on. Just do what you think is right given the situation, hope it doesn't make things WORSE, and move on. As one who often tells people his version of the truth bluntly... it's not always for the best. When looking back, we have to examine ourselves as a whole, and look at what weighs out in the end, the good or the bad? Is hiding the truth bad? usually. But can it have favorable outcomes? Yes. What can you do? Simply what you think is right.

I'm going to try to get comments today, so you all can share you thoughts more easily. This is all interesting to me.

When should you tell the truth ... and when should you keep it to yourself? I used to think that you should always tell the truth, no exceptions. And I'm not talking about lying; just keeping the truth to yourself. I'm finding myself faced with this dilemma more and more often. Please email me your thoughts, and I will post them (anonymously, if you'd like). I'd love it if you could just post your own comments, but you can't, so deal.

On my subway ride home tonight, my train was held up for about 15 minutes a few stops before I got off (it could have been 20, I don't know, I was having a ball with my crossword puzzle in the newspaper). There was a man, standing, in an almost empty train, who was really pissed off about the delay. He was sighing loudly, occassionally banging on the door in front of him and saying things like "This is ridiculous" and "I can't believe this!" I couldn't help but think how stupid that was. All that hemming and hawing, for what? It wasn't going to get the train going any faster. It wasn't complaining to the engineer or MTA to improve their service. He was only making himself more and more upset as the minutes ticked by. So, the lesson today was in the futility of getting upset over little things. We all do it, but we should lighten up. Because, especially in cases like this, you're only stressing yourself out, and it's completely avoidable. I'm going to try to lighten up about those little things. And, every day when I get home, my kitty is right there at the door, saying hello, as I step in. Today, he wasn't there. I wandered around the apartment for 10 minutes, looking in all his hiding places, calling his name. I couldn't find him and started to get worried that he might be holed up somewhere, sick. Or worse. But as soon as I brought out the yummy food, he popped out from nowhere and scared me half to death. That's probably a pretty boring story, but I thought I'd share anyway.

I'm probably going to be very productive or bored today and tomorrow as two of my chatting buddies have flown off to Florida for the weekend (with two other good friends of ours). Lucky kids! I hope they're having a good time. Supposedly it's rainy there too, but I'm sure it will still be fun to be away. (Though I suppose the point of going to Florida is to be in the sun, no?) They'll have fun though. Also, with some help, I've recently gotten motivated to clean up all the loose ends in my life. The broken freezer, the leak stain on my ceiling and broken eyeglasses are just a few things on a list of 15 items I have been tolerating/procratinating for far too long. As my friend said, completing them will free up a lot of "mental space" for me -- I like that term. Can you imagine? All those things you have nagging at the back of your mind every day - GONE! (Or am I the only one who has these kinds of things?) I've actually gotten excited about doing these things that I've been dreading doing (some for as long as a year). Wish me luck! My parents are great about passing along gossip about old classmates from elementary school, junior high and high school. It usually happens at the grocery store: bumping into so-and-so's parents -- or so-and-so himself! I've actually reconnected with about a half-dozen old classmates this way. Most recently, Mom and Dad ran into the parents of Tom, a boy I had classes with for probably 6 years. We've emailed back and forth now, and it definitely puts a smile on my face to hear what old friends are up to now. Tom is now a graduate student at Mizzou, has a band called Cheating Kay and has been married for over a year! Check them out. (You can also listen to their music at MP3.com.)

Are the Storm Troopers in Episodes IV, V and VI all clones? ...

I don't feel like leaving my apartment today. I don't know why, but I feel tense about it, and wish I could just sit here and let today go by. I have some errands to run, and I'm meeting a friend after work: those aren't things to make me anxious. Work is work, and today shouldn't be any different than any other. I should make myself get dressed and just get out. But I don't wanna. Shut your whining and do it. Fine ...

Words for Will "This is advancement?" Yes. I'd rather have my friends who happen to be medicated able to be participating in the world around them, than so upset or feeling bad that they can't do anything at all. If it weren't for the advances in medicine, many of these people would be housebound or in hospitals, instead of carrying on normal lives. I think that's an amazing advancement, and it's really sad that you don't see that. "I propose that past generations had it tougher, so they, in turn, were tougher. This in turn, made them succeed more, hand down more, and ultimately made 'us' more dependent on being handed success." I think that argument is weak. History hasn't always been like that. The people who lived during the Renaissance prospered where previous generations in the Middle Ages hadn't. Our grandparents suffered through the Great Depression while those before them blossomed in the Roaring '20s. Changes in prosperity have only some connection with the activities of those that came before. I think you need to go deeper than that. (And I think you're forgetting what I said about human evolution. If we didn't gain knowledge and tools from our parents and their parents and their parents, we'd still be trying to invent the wheel.) "a complete lack of caring regarding global diseases, famine and housing" That's a bit extreme. I wouldn't say there is a complete lack. I'm sorry that you don't think about these things, but there are many people fighting to do things about it. Ever hear of the Peace Corps? UNICEF? The Catholic charities? And dozens of other non-profit organizations make this their business. I volunteer at the Blood Center, which helps provide people in the New York area with cancer-fighting platelets and life-saving blood. Sorry that you're not doing anything about it. That's no one's fault but your own. "Your dot.com revolution imploded. And what are the dot.com-mers doing? Remember the Grapes Of Wrath?" You are ridiculous. So people didn't make as much cha-ching from the Internet. So what? The Internet is still growing at a rate that can't be measured. Look at you! With your own web site! I'm a former dot-commer, and I'm hardly walking to California to pick grapes. "There is a great deal of need for construction workers and manual laborers today, but no one wants to do that anymore." Says who? You? What do you know about it? I believe a mutual friend of ours spent many months working on a construction site. A blogger friend of mine (whose blog is doing so well he was mentioned in the Washington Post) is a general contractor. [See Ramblings of a Blue-Collar Slob] Several friends' fathers do that kind of work. I think you're projecting again. YOU don't want to do that. Doesn't mean there aren't plenty of people who do. (Besides, how do you think everything's being built? You just don't know those people. Maybe you should.) I think you're asking too many questions at the same time for a productive debate to take place. (I consider a productive debate to be one where ideas are exchanged, thoughts provoked -- which you are NOT doing -- and, possibly, a conclusion is reached.) You're talking about medical advances, obesity, the lack of productivity of our generation, among many other things. I think you need to learn to focus, and think before you write, love. edit: I took out the name-calling. That wasn't very mature of me.

Tra la la ... not much new going on with me. I'm at work early today to send a press release - oodles of fun, let me tell you. I wish I had something interesting to talk about ... umm ... How 'bout that FBI? Doing a bang-up job, doncha think?

Hoo boy, what a weekend. Big things, my friends, big things going on with me. First, Friday night I bought myself a new TV. No more playing Nintendo on the 13-incher, kids. I got a 25" with big speakers, a built-in VCR and I love it. It's my new baby. Second, I sold the car. 'Twas difficult, but the big fatty check I have in my wallet makes it worth it. :) AND, today, I went sunbathing in Central Park. A fun activity in and of itself, but today it was even more fun because I was bathing not 10 feet away from bikini-clad Meadow Soprano herself, Jamie-Lynn Sigler, for several hours. I got a kick out of that. (Meadow in the Meadow. :P) How was your weekend? Hope it was a good one!

bag·gage (bãg' ĭj) n. 1. The trunks, bags, parcels, and suitcases in which one carries one's belongings while traveling; luggage. 2. The movable equipment and supplies of an army. 3. Superfluous or burdensome practices, regulations, ideas, or traits. This weekend, I am getting rid of some of the biggest baggage I feel I have. * Car, which has cost me more money than I can afford - GONE! * Insurance payments I also cannot afford - GONE! * Credit card debt, which feels like a weight I lug around and never gets any lighter - GONE! It's amazing that the simple solution of selling my car was such a difficult decision to make. I am going to miss my car dearly. We drove it from St. Louis to Boston with Grandma and 4 college kids. Drove it to New York for New Years 2000 in Times Square. It moved with me from Boston to New York. We took her to the Green Mountains of Vermont. She broke down on the side of the Maine Turnpike. Parking tickets galore and a speeding ticket or two. (I got one last weekend on the way upstate - really taking her out with a bang, huh?) But for all her good and adventurous journeys, it is now time to say goodbye. Goodbye car. Goodbye insurance. Goodbye credit card. It's been real. Ciao!

So, now we know why the comments aren't working. Off to find new ones ...

Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Anthony Porcano, who are to be married today. I am sending you my greatest hopes for a wonderful, happy, and exciting future for you two and your new family. Love you!

Mike L called me late last night. He was walking around the city and thought he'd call and say hi. I invited him over, even though it was after midnight, and he said he remembered how to get here. I was going to offer to let him sleep on my couch because it was so late, and I actually was looking forward to seeing him because it's been almost 6 months since I saw him last. I fell asleep watching TV waiting for him. He never showed up. ... That's probably the 4th time he's done that this year: been in NYC, called, and never showed up. But it's OK: I'll keep inviting him over as long as he keeps calling. ...

I just had a really nice weekend, everyone. Heather was nice enough to invite some of her friends to her family's vacation house near the Adirondacks, very close to Vermont. It was nice little A-frame on a puddle/pond/lake, and 6 of us spent a really relaxing couple of days free of the Internet, cell phones -- even a land-line phone. We sat in the sun, played cards, took out the rowboat and paddleboat. Sassy, 6 months pregnant, was a great fishing buddy and paddle-boating pal. (I hope I have as much energy as she does when I have a baby. It really is a shame most of us aren't planning for years. Our bodies are better-equipped right now.) We caught 4 really good-sized rainbow trout, but they all snapped the line and ate the hooks. We gave them respect for being such good competitors. Heather and Dan cooked up a storm and we ate so well: barbecued chicken, steak, salmon, potato salad, pasta salad, chocolate cake, eggs, bacon, muffins, pancakes. I don't think I need to eat for a week. At least. She even sent us home with leftovers. So, now, back to civilization with more freckles than I left with, I am facing the shortened workweek with a sunny smile. Hope you had a good Memorial Day weekend! Welcome to summer!

A few questions for Will Moore: Pardon me, but are we living on the same planet? You haven't seen any great undertakings lately? My Lord, do you read the newspaper? Did you miss the stories that announced the cloning of mammals? Or the mapping of the human genome? The f'ing Big Dig in your own backyard? They also finished the Chunnel, implanted artifical hearts, and, if you didn't notice, enable the growth of a worldwide computer network linking millions and millions of people to one another called the Internet. To bring it home, my roommate from college becme a Rhodes scholar and is going to Oxford; a friend here in the city is starting her own business; two people I just spent the weekend with volunteer one whole weekend a month at the Sierra Club; and my company is undertaking one of the largest, most revolutionary school reform projects in the history of the American public school system. I see people doing big things, taking risks and living life. (And just because the oxygen generator in an international, functioning space station blew doesn't mean people aren't striving to excel. That's preposterous.) Looks to me like you and your stardards of measure are a bit out-of-date. Excellence is not measured in the size of a building or a bridge -- or how far into space we can go (we landed on Mars too, do you remember that?). I think your argument is losing a bit of water. You are asserting that what you've observed (what you see as an increase of overweight people in a medium-sized city in the northeastern part of the United States) is linked to a pretty distant conclusion (that the entrie American culture of over 250 million people has become uninspired and slothful). I really don't see how you're putting those two together, with the exception of a few pop culture references, which I do not deem as representative of anything beyond the entertainment industry. I think you're just blowing smoke. I think you are uninspired/fat and are projecting it on everything you see to not make yourself feel so bad, to feel connected. I want to see you come up with a real argument for why you think what you do. Prove me wrong. I think I've lost you with Fight Club. See it one or two more times before you try analyzing it and speaking about it with any authority. Then we'll talk. And, by leaving your comment, you have totally undermined your whole argument. How can you generalize about society and say "I'm talking about everyone else except you guys." That's dumb. If you're going to make an argument, stand by it. Otherwise, it's worthless. Yikes ... I'm getting feisty! And, by the way, I'm having a lot of fun with this debate.

My favorite company is doing SO well. Hooray!

This is in response to Will's post: "For a woman who recently quoted Tyler Durden on her webpage, I find it strangely odd that you don't see us as self destuctive." I don't see Fight Club as self-destructive. I see them as the opposite of the mythical fat guy on the stairs, your lazy self-destructive metaphor. Jack and Tyler are breaking out, going against the grain, doing the opposite of what was the easy thing (go to a job, own a condo, shop IKEA). He went through some serious mental and physical pain to get there, and then "when you've lost everything, you're free to do anything." Because he was mentally ill, it went a bit awry, but it started out as a survival method. Jack's brain needed to stay alive, and in order to do so in such a dreary world, he manifested a brand new personailty. So, if the question is whether Fight Club is a movie about self-destruction, I would have to emphatically say no. It's about survival. "do you really think that companies merge for the greater good of its employees?" Duh, of course not. It profits the man at the top who gets all the money. They act in the greater good of one of the worst demons: money. They want money. Money, power, all of it. It's a goal. Like happiness, for other people. Striving for money is not, ideologically, an aim for self-destruction. "yes, Caryn, self destruction - it's a choice, but its the easy choice." So, what's your point? We're not talking about what's easy or hard. We're talking about "is it or isn't it."

So ... I've been at work since 7:30 ... and I haven't done any work. I was supposed to send a press release, but, like the last 3 or 4 early-morning releases, it's not done yet, so I've just been here twiddling my thumbs. OK, not twiddling my thumbs. I've been watching music videos. I haven't seen new videos in ages, and I stumbled on this blog today, and she's got an MTV page. So, now I feel a little caught up in the pop-music world, as if you care. (If you're interested in seeing any, my recommendation is for Dirty Vegas' Days Go By. Good vid.) Now I have work to do ... press conference, press release ...

I'm not what you'd call a Three Stooges fan by any means, but there is one episode that really tickled me. It had a song in it that, once I think of it, will be with me for days. And I just read that it was technically the very first music video ever. B A Bay, B E Bee, B I Bicky By, B O Bo, Bicky By Bo B U Bu, Bicky By Bo Bu C A Say, C E See, C I Sicky Sy, C O So, Sicky Sy So C U Su Sicky Sy So Su ... Does anyone else know this song? Am I talking to myself?

Wahahahahahahahahahahaha! I wouldn't normally care about something like this, but I have a personal connection to the story and it's making me laugh out loud. Don't mind me. Carry on.

What's your new name? I'm Loopy Bubblebrain, nice to meet you. A few other random thoughts: * As you probably know, I do not have cable TV. I have cable reception because an antenna was just not cutting it. A few cable channels do come through, though, like NY1, TBS and the Food Network. I also get Metro. And there is a show on Metro that I am hooked on. To Live and Date in New York. It's like Sex & the City with real women. Some of the girls are cool and some of them I find really obnoxious. And they all have money burning holes in their pockets, which makes it kind of painful to watch. Drinks every night, cabs everywhere, designer clothes, incredible apartments. At least with Sex & the City you can tell yourself that it's fiction. I still like it though, and it's cheaper than HBO. :P * Yesterday, I went to hang out in the park with Marcia, and I had completely forgotten about this until I walked in the park: David Blaine's just hanging out there, standing on a 10-story pole, for about 2 days. No big deal. There were a bunch of cameras all over the place, but other than that, it was a pretty normal day in Bryant Park. :) (Check out Heather's pictures of the event. She's very on top of things.)

Job ads are getting defensive. Two I read today: * "First, please do not flood me with resumes if your background is not appropriate. ... This job is a mid-level job with a salary range of $65,000 to $70,000 per year. If you have 15 years as a VP of Marketing and make $ 100,000/ yr this would NOT be a good fit." * "This is not a web site developer position, it is a position for someone gifted and experienced in managing products online and giving direction in terms of web site content management." Guess there are still a lot of un-skilled or too-skilled people out of work.

Friend: I have no expectations, honestly. Friend: but tell me how she is, okay? See Solly: hahahahahahaha See Solly: i really liked her See Solly: she's cute and seems to have fun. seems mature, but still fun. Friend: cool. She's great. I agree Friend: but that's obvious See Solly: [Friend]: King of Subtlty See Solly: Caryn: Queen of Sarcasm Friend: and tact... don't forget tact Friend: for me. See Solly: no one forgets that you have no tact Friend: what else can you be queen of? See Solly: Cuteness See Solly: Kindness See Solly: Fabulous Hair Friend: ah... yes... and understanding, don't forget understanding See Solly: and Understanding Friend: hee hee... I thought of something funny See Solly: are you going to share it with the other children? Friend: we could marry and make a mighty kingdom! See Solly: ohmygodi'mgonnaTHROOOWUUUPPP!!! Friend: MWA-HA-HA-HA

METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY BLOOD SUPPLY MAY SHRINK BY AS MUCH AS 25% Seems like more and more people are becoming inelligible to donate blood, so, if you can donate, please do.

Let's recap, shall we?

Thursday 70º, sunny	8:00pm	Left my apartment to head to Boston.
Thursday 70º, sunny	11:30pm	Arrived at Eleanor's new apartment. Hung out, ate pizza, chatted.
Friday 60º, clear	1:30am	Drove to Mike's to hang out with him before he left for the weekend.
	4:00am	Went to sleep on Mike's couch.
	8:00am	Got up to drive John to the airport.
	10:00am	Laid on John and Eleanor's couch and enjoyed my day off work.
	3:00pm	Picked Eleanor up from work.
	8:00pm	Hung out with Eleanor at Heather and Nora's.
	10:00pm	Joined the party at Carrie and Carolyn's.
Saturday 35º, rain	3:30am	Left the party with Eleanor and Lee.
	4:00am	Went to sleep.
	9:00am	Got up to go get Eleanor's brand new car!
	1:00pm	Laid on the couch and watched Eleanor make mashed potatoes.
	3:00pm	With Eleanor, picked up Heather and Nora to take said potatoes to Kristen, who just had her wisdom teeth out, and Biren was there too.
	7:30pm	Went to dinner at Tia's. Found that the view is gone due to construction, weather was cold so outside bar isn't much of a turn-on and the inside bar was closed for a private party.
	7:45pm	Changed location of the party to The Harp. Many phone calls were made.
	11:00pm	Everyone showed up to The Harp and had a blast.
Sunday 60º, clear	2:00am	Bar closed (stupid Boston) and a bunch of us went over to Eleanor's.
	4:00am	Sean and Dan dragged a passed-out Jon in from the stairwell, said goodnight and we all went to bed.
	2:00pm	Woke up.
	6:00pm	Kissed everyone goodbye and left for home.
	8:30pm	Stopped in Stratford to see Christina, so she could look at my car, which I think she's going to buy. :)
	10:00pm	Arrived back in Queens.

T'was a wonderful time. Thanks much.

My Lord. I think most people's jobs are probably like this ... your job has a medium kind of stress most of the time, or at least a level that you can handle day-to-day; and then there are times when things just go crazy and you're super-stressed ... Maybe your job isn't like that, but that's how almost every job I've ever had has been like. (Or maybe you are stressed all the time, in which case you should either get a new job or enjoy your heart attack.) I thought I knew this week was going to be stressful, but I had no idea. It's insanity. (I'm a little afraid to put any new links about where I work, so I'm not going to show you any of the press we've gotten. But it's baaaaaaaaaaaad. It's been in a newspaper you can get in your city. And I know where you all live. And I do mean you too, Jen.) Every day this week, I thought it was all going to calm down, and then it got worse. And worse. And worse. Now I'm hoping it's going to be better on Monday. But leave it to my boss to dash my hopes, when he said, as I was leaving the office, "It is going to be like this every day ... for a while ..." He must be joking. (I can deal with all this because I don't care too much about where I work. It's a job. Not a life. So when I leave the office, I can pretty much leave it all behind when I walk out the door.) I am so glad I'm going away this weekend. Three-day weekend for me!

"White is the new black" is a conspiracy. Girls, if we fall for this (which I am), think about how many spills and how many shirts/pants/t-shirts you will end up buying to replace the wine/tomato/whatever stained one you ruined. A conspiracy, I tell you. And now, I'm walking out the door wearing my nice crisp, clean white shirt ... Let's see how I do.

From : BreakingNews@MAIL.CNN.COM Subject : CNN Breaking News Date : Wed, 15 May 2002 21:16:02 -0400 -- White House says it was briefed before September 11 that al Qaeda would attempt to hijack airliners. Watch CNN or log on to http://CNN.com /AOL Keyword: CNN for the latest news. I'm not sure what to make of that, but I think I'm upset. I should go read more before I say anything about it.

While on the phone, wishing Eleanor a happy birthday, we realized that we met on her 20th birthday, so today is the 4th anniversary of how long I've known her (and Rob too!) What a fun thing to think about. :) In other matters, I cleaned my apartment tonight and switched my shoes (put away the winter ones and yanked out the summer ones). While I was at it, I decided to count how many pairs I own. Just for the hell of it. For a girl who doesn't consider herself a shoe fanatic of any sort, I have a lot of shoes. 43 pairs. And I only threw out 1 pair. How girlish of me. I also hung up all my clothes that I had littering the apartment. While I was at it, I decided to color-rank the clothes in the closet. Just for the hell of it. To see what I feels like to be neurotic. I must say, it certainly brightens the room to have a closet door open to a rainbow of clothes. I like how it looks. I doubt I'll be able to keep it up, but it looks nice tonight. Waiting for said neurotic to get online and play a game with me ...

Ever wonder who would play you in the movie version of your life? (Pfft! As if you're that interesting!) Well, Eleanor has to wonder no more.

Happy birthday, Eleanor!

I'm still at work ... I'm tired ... too tired to think of anything clever to say ... What's your excuse the rest of the time? [sigh] I know, I know ...

And speaking of Star Wars, I think I'm the only one in New York who doesn't have a ticket yet. As much fun as Star Wars has been for me in the past (watching at home when I was little, rereleases in the theater, Episode 1), this one is kind of anti-climactic for me. I don't have anyone to see it with, so I don't have a ticket or plans to see it. How sad, huh? I figure I'll go next week to the theater on 42nd St. with digital projection. I hate that I feel so hum drum about it, but I really do. Ho hum. I could be upset about it if I wanted to be, but I'm not. What's the point? Lots of things in life -- even little things -- don't go the way you want them to. Just the way things are sometimes. What a depressing note to start my day on. And today is going to suck too, at work. Very busy and possibly stressful. Big day. Gotta get moving. Chat with you later.

Lucky! My friend Hovey got to see Star Wars II already!

I'm very disappointed in you, boys. The boys from college, who thought you were so superior in your knowledge of computers. I'm disappointed in you. First, seems some of you haven't realized that I know a thing or two myself. Just because I didn't major in computer systems engineering in college, doesn't mean I don't have a few tricks of my own up my sleeve. Second, I'm now trying to learn about servers and computer networking, and the few of you that I've asked about it have really let me down. I'm no futher in my self-directed learning than I was before I talked to you about it. For shame! I'm giving you a chance to show off what you know, and you're drawing a blank. Tsk tsk. I expected more from you. :P edit: Thank you BIREN for leading me to what I have been looking for. :)

If life is a journey, then I'm at one of those parts where you've just gotta cover some distance. No interesting stops along this part of the road for me. Just gotta go, keep going, because there's some exciting stuff up ahead. But I can't stop here. That would just put off the exciting stuff even longer. And I wanna get there. So, I'm just pushing ahead.

Remember in March when the Rhode Island-sized chunk of Antarctica fell off? Well, now more of it's come off. (Thanks Ravenwolf for the tip.)

"Man, I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see it squandered. Goddammit, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables, and slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes; working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. ... We're the middle children of history, man; no purpose or place. We have no Great War, no Great Depression. Our Great War is a spiritual war. Our Great Depression is our lives. ... We've all been raised by television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars -- but we won't ... and we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off." -- Tyler Durden, Fight Club (1999)

See Solly: know what it is? Friend: ? See Solly: i think everyone i know, including myself, is in the most selfish stage of our existence thus far, if that's possible See Solly: me me me me me Friend: oh, i completely agree See Solly: (i'm as guilty as the next person) Friend: but, i'd like to think not everything i do is selfish. Friend: we all have our moments Friend: heh See Solly: i'm realizing most everything i do is selfish See Solly: "i'm the most important thing going on and not everyone is realizing it and it's ticking me off" ... know what i mean? Friend: ha ha ha Friend: yeah I'm having one of those days where everyone has it within them to tick me off. Look out.

Heather Klein, Your Guide to New York City Escorts See Solly: so, you personally recommend these? heather: yes, absolutely ;-) See Solly: so if i get crabs from Ana of Long Island, may i file a complaint with About.com? heather: sure heather: bill@about-inc.com ;-) See Solly: haw haw haw! (Bill as in Bill Day, the forever frat-boy CEO of About.com.) ... Am I violating any defamation or slander rules here?

As much as I like my sweetheart David Emery, this other site I just found is a little more fun. Lies.com. Don't believe everything you read.

THINGS I LEARNED THIS WEEKEND by Caryn Solly * When playing Blackjack, never split 2s or 10s. (The dealer didn't like splitting aces either, but I don't see why, so I'm not adopting that rule.) * If you're as lucky as me, you can go to Atlantic City without any of your own money -- and come back with $60! (I certainly made the most of a $7 voucher from the casino!) * According to the psychic that read my palm, when I'm 27 I will marry a man named Kevin, and we'll go on to have twin daughters and a son, all healthy. (Um, sure.) * The free yoga class at Central Park on Sundays is actually very good. * Margaritas at El Rey are quite clever. They get you drunk and you don't even realize it's happening. Sneaky devilish tequila! (I actually have learned this lesson a few times already, but I keep forgetting. :P) * My friend's grandfather worked as an air traffic controller in Roswell, NM, in 1953 ... and nothing happened. (Disappointing, huh?) And a quiz. Find your Queer as Folk personality. (I would put my results of this quiz, but they're so wrong, that I'm not going to.)

By the way, if you like TV, you should check out a site called Television Without Pity. It used to be Mighty Big TV, and I'm not sure when it changed names. But it's the same content, just bigger and better. They recap all our favorite guilty-pleasure shows in excruciating detail. If you miss an episode, just read the recap and you won't have skipped a beat. There are also forums and FAQs about each show. All of the recaps are full of attitude, but the writer's opinions of characters are probably a bit in line with yours. Reading the recaps, you'd think the writers actually hate these shows. But if they hated them, why would they spend so much time writing about them? "Our mandate is, more or less, to give people a place to revel in their guilty televisual pleasures. In most cases, we have a complex love/hate relationship with the show, and this site is a way for us to work through those feelings. If we plain hated a show, we wouldn't pay it any attention at all." (Also, if you're going there to look for Friends or Will & Grace, etc, you won't find them. "In our experience, it's hard to say funny things about shows that are already funny.")

If anyone has seen Queer as Folk, come talk to me. I just finished watching the first season on DVD last night and would love to talk about it with someone. (Some things about this show I love, and other parts are just OK. Let's discuss.)

Fun quizzes for Friday ...

which children's storybook character are you?
this quiz was made by colleen

Find out How would you die in a horror movie?
I'd survive in a horror movie? Sweet! :)

Make an Ass of Yourself.
quiz by Sol

Take the What High School Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel.

Aw aw aw! Shame shame! Britney Spears caught smoking! (The picture is bigger in the newspaper and she is clearly holding a cigarette. Hilarious.)

Another friend has quit the blog game. I know how that goes. I went on hiatus for a while myself a few months ago -- and I'm no longer keeping up my web site. These two friends who have dropped out of cyberspace were a lot more into it than I am, and I can see how much of your time can get wrapped up in it when you have decent-sized audiences like they did. Oh well. I think they're both doing the smart thing, of course. Though I'm going to miss reading what they had to say, I know they're doing what's best for them, and that's exactly what they should be doing. Good for them. :) I'm off to feed my Brian Kinney addiction ... G'night!

Holy schnikeys! Remember my confabulation over how fast my Netflix were coming and going? Mystery solved. Four, count 'em, four movies arrived in my mailbox today, 3 of which weren't anticipated to arrive until tomorrow. Where are they coming from? Right here in good ol' Queens, NY, as opposed to San Jose, CA, which took them 3-4 days to get here. Now I can rent even more for my money - woo hoo!

[sniff sniff] My pal will not be blogging with us anymore. But her last link is a goody. HAVING A COW: Or not. Brazilian scientists cloned a cow, and came out with a bull. Now they have to figure out why.

Like baby pigeons, I thought scaffolding builders were practically mythical creatures. This city is covered with scaffolding. I don't need to expound on that because you know it's true. But I'd never seen scaffolding being built. Ever. Since it's all over the place, it semed weird that, in my two years of walking these streets, I'd never seen a few guys putting together the poles and boards. I thought maybe it was all put up in the wee hours of the night. Or that it was such a quick job that they were like superheros, breezing in, popping it up and flying away before anyone would notice them. I noticed them today, though. 72nd and Amsterdam. I did a double-take. It wasn't that interesting, but I made a mental note of it.

Wow ... I sing Netflix's praises, but have always said the one drawback is that it takes a few days for the movies to go through the mail, so subscribers need patience. Well, I guess something's improving or some freak accident has happened. I dropped 3 movies back in the mail yesterday morning, and they've arrived at the Netflix warehouse or whatever today. That's messed up that they got there so fast -- from NYC to Cali -- but I'm pleased as punch. Yeay Netflix! I loooooooooooooooooooove movies. edit: Someone just told me that Netflix has a warehouse in Worcester, Mass., now too, so that must be where mine were headed. Still, yeay Netflix for having a setup on the East Coast. :)

Some interesting stories from today's paper ... 'ART' VS. THE PARK A performance artist wants to wrap Central Park in yellow fabric. BLAME THE BISHOPS, NOT THE GAYS A well-written column that explains things very clearly. Oh, and my company's stock is in the toilet. Film at 11.

In "The Sopranos," Tony Soprano is my favorite character. In "Queer as Folk," Brian Kinney is my favorite character. But these are two horrible, rotten people who do horrible, rotten things to other people. So why do American television viewers love them so much? I've fallen victim to their charms too, but I still can't quite figure out why they're so awful and likable at the same time. Because they show signs of vulnerability? Possibly, but it happens for both of them so infreqently and usually pretty inappropriately so that it still ends up hurting other people. Do we like watching conscienceless people because they're so unbelievably cold? Both of them are pretty powerful, is that what we're drawn to? The people that surround them in the show fall for it all too, follow and worship them, the ones close to them knowing full well what terrible things they're capable of. And they still stand by them. I guess that's why I like these shows. The characters are pretty complex, and it's interesting to watch what they're going to do next.

{{{ Y A W N ! }}} Good mornin' ... didja have a nice weekend? :)

THE FRIDAY FIVE (a day late) 1. What are your hobbies? Movies, movies and movies. I also like doing fun new things here in New York, but I'm not sure that's really a hobby. 2. Do you collect anything? Yes. I collect postcards from all over and coerce my friends into picking them up on vacations; I have over 40. I collect movies. I have a lot of VHS and now I've got a couple of DVDs. Last I counted I had over 150 movies. And I collect penguins. They're cute and, frankly, I didn't even buy most of the penguin stuff I have; others have given to me as gifts. But I love them all and they remind me pf the people that gave them to me. 3. Is there a hobby you're interested in, but just don't have the time/money to do? Wull, sure! I'd collect cars, race sailboats and travel to outer space if I had the dough. :) 4. Have you ever turned a hobby into a moneymaking opportunity? Umm ... no. Except kitten photography, but it hasn't made any money yet. 5. Besides web-related stuff (burbs, rings, etc.), what clubs do you belong to? None that I can think of. Maybe I should find one ...

* One of my photographs from Sept. 11 was accepted by Here Is New York. I'll link to it when I find it online. (Mine would be in the "Immediate Damage" category, and I can't take browsing through them anymore looking for it and I'm not sure what number it is yet.) * Heather and I played Settlers of Catan online last night. Hello, my name is Caryn and I am a dork. (So is Heather, but she likes to pretend she's not. :P) * One of my schoolteacher friends is having a very big day - Bill Clinton is going to speak at her school today! * I'm listening to one of my favorite CDs today -- favorite out of a pitifully small collection of music: Second Coming by Stone Roses. * I'm going to donate platelets tonight. If you haven't ever, check out whether you can donate blood in your area. It's a great thing to do to help your neighbors. * And if I feel up to it after donating platelets for an hour and a half (damn me for being so small and taking so long to squeeze out those healthy cells), I'm going to try to get to URBANA, now at the Bowery Poetry Club. (If you ever go there, write down the address; it's incredibly hard to find.) * And I just read this about how many degrees from Brad Pitt this girl is. And I remembered that I'm only 1 degree from Mr. Pitt myself: My high school English teacher dated him at Mizzou. We'd get her to talk about it once a month or so. She was so cool. (Bonus points for you if you know what/where Mizzou is, you ign'rant northeasterners.)

Look! Justin Timberlake isn't the only action figure who goes on vacations. GI Joe does too. New York Web Cams - This cracked me up.

This morning, I read this story on page 9 of my paper ... 3 PREGNANT WOMEN CARRYING CLONES, ITALIAN DOC CLAIMS April 24, 2002 -- ROME - An Italian fertility specialist who has said he intends to create the world's first human clone said yesterday that three women are pregnant by cloning. Two of the three pregnancies are developing in Russia and one in an "Islamic state," Severino Antinori told Italian state TV. At a conference in the United Arab Emirates earlier this month, Antinori said his cloning project was "at a very advanced stage." Antinori achieved fame a few years ago by helping a 62-year-old woman become pregnant with a donated egg. Antinori's efforts to clone humans led the United Nations in February to begin efforts to draft an international anti-cloning treaty. So ... this sounds like big, upsetting news to me, if it's true. Cloned human beings? Anyone know more about this? Wasn't it banned by the UN? I guess not yet. In other news, I did go see the Barenaked Ladies last night. They were pretty good. Very funny, and they sound awesome live. We had a good time.

How stunningly accurate. What kind of drunk are you? And try the Mormon Name Generator.

Find out which LifeSaver you are. edit: I'm peppermint, "classic." I have no idea why this web site seems to be down when it was up a few hours ago ... I'm leaving the link though in case it comes back up. And what is up with blog*spot? Half the time I try to go to a blog, the whole domain seems to be down.

Yesterday, it became clear to me that, as much as I think I know about building a web site, I clearly do not know much. Servers boggle my mind. I do not understand them at all. Yesterday, I was making a new site for work and the problems I was having were all server related. Talking to the support guy at our hosting company was just silly because I had no idea what I was talking about. DNS, nameservers, IP addresses: I thought I knew what these were, but I don't. So, does anyone know a good place online to start reading up on this stuff? Basic, basic info. And, tee hee, my favorite pop star is moving to NYC! Whoopee! :P

I can't sleep :( (And thanks to everyone who has been linking to me -- I got over 70 visits and 100 pageviews yesterday, hooray! Frightening, huh?)

Taking my blog into 2002! I added the links on the side mainly to reciprocate the surge in traffic I've gotten from my new pals at the blog bash. And now you can comment on the drivel I write. Hooray! (This weblog trend is starting to blow my mind. The power of the Internet at its best. Glad the days of web cams and wish lists seems to have passed. That was not something I could get into.) I wish I had something more interesting to say today ... but I can't think of anything, so here are some fun links instead. · Tiger Woods is NOT the sexiest thing on the links anymore · Mmmm ... Old Navy bargain basement ... · Free box of hair color - no shipping - pick your color · I don't like my boss either, but I'm not bringing a spear gun to work · What's with the tissues? "Colin and Yasser work out their differnces, next Oprah." · Lucas: "[Menace] did not live up to expectations." Duh. "[Clones] a darker feel, closer to the original saga," with "no silly characters or kids." I hope not.

Braving a Life Without Television, Joel Stein's latest column. "I hear the words Zorak and Moltar and realize that my new, lovely wife Cassandra is watching Space Ghost. I tell Frank the next day. 'We often hear complaints from wives that their husbands are not helping,' he says. 'It's an interesting twist that your wife is undermining you. Welcome to married life.'"

I watched the Color of Money this weekend ... Paul Newman ... what a dish. I don't think they make men like that anymore. ..... Are you a tough chick? I really think I am, according to this description, but maybe I'm just kidding myself. I kill bugs, live on my own and can play paintball with the best of 'em (and even have the scars to prove it). That makes me tough, right?

I met E!'s Todd Newton back in St. Louis when he was Rikk Idol. I knew it ever since I first saw him on TV, that he was the same person I had met, but only today have I had it confirmed. I bought an air-conditioner today. Pretty exciting. I tried to install it myself, but I kinda dropped it out the window, and, uh, I decided I should get some help before I try it again. Yeah. And, the Blog Bash was a huge success. Very interesting people whose blogs I'm now reading because I tend to be the most interested in blogs of people I know personally. Nice to meet you Ravenwolf, NerdSlut, the Illuminated Donkey, Asparagirl and Nick. (And my pal Orchid was there too -- she helped organize it. She had a blast!) (Oh! All these links I feel obligated to post! I'm so polite. :)) Nice to meet you all! And I made 2 apple pie cakes tonight. (Didn't know I could cook, did ya?) ¼ cup butter ¼ cup sugar ½ cup flour ½ teaspoon baking powder dash of cinnamon 1 egg 1 apple Mix everything but the apple all together and spread it on the bottom of a greased pie or cake pan. Peel the apple and then slice or chop it. Push the pieces into the batter in the pan. Bake it for 40 min at 350º. (When it's about half done, I dribbled some melted butter with cinnamon in it over the top of the cake.) Talk to you tomorrow.

Well, shoot. The weather has foiled my plans. I am going to the Blog Bash later and was going to read in the park after work to pass the time before the party. But now it's pouring, thundering, lightning, the whole bit. Guess I'll just have to start drinking sooner then, huh? Have a nice weekend.

Yippie! I must say, my newest favorite movie is Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Why now? Well, I'll tell ya. ("She's going to tell, she's going to tell...") All the times I saw it in college, I watched it with a bunch of boys who would recite every line of the movie so I couldn't even hear it for myself. So I rented it a few weeks ago (and only recently returned it - which is OK cuz I had it from Netflix - no late fees). HI-larious. I watched it over and over and I think I want to buy it. And with that, a quiz:

which "monty python and the holy grail" character are you?
this quiz was made by colleen

Well, since it seems the bloggy thing do, I'll start doing it too. The Friday Five 1. What's your favorite TV show and why? I'll say Friends, because my other favorites are too embarassing to mention. (If you're enterprising and curious enough, email me, and I'll tell you what shows I really like.) 2. Who is your favorite television star? I'm having a tough time with this one cuz I like movie stars much more ... Oh! Jennifer Aniston. I love her. 3. What was your favorite TV show as a child? The Mickey Mouse Club. Great show. Matt and I used to watch it after school. 4. What show do you think should have been cancelled by now? Who Wants to be Millionaire? Gack. 5. What new show do you hope escapes the axe this season? I don't watch many new shows, but I saw Julia Louis Dreyfus' show Watching Ellie. It was OK, but I like Julia, so I hope it survives, but it probably won't.

Free stuff to do in NYC, kids!!! In today's New York Post: "BARENAKED LADIES: This Canadian alternative pop band will give a free concert Tuesday at 5 p.m. at Bryant Park. Tickets are required, and will be available beginning today at Data Vision, 445 Fifth Ave., between 39th and 40th streets; CompUSA, 420 Fifth Ave., between 37th and 38th streets; and J&R Computer World, 23 Park Row; (212) 537-8183." I got my ticket at Data Vision. The guy there said they're getting 200 tickets each day until the concert and 500 the day of the concert, Tuesday. (I think it would be safe to assume the other locations are giving away tickets the same way.) I got mine at about 9:20 a.m. and he said he was almost out. So, get up early and get your ticket -- and I'll see you there! edit: To be clear, I am not a huge fan of BNL myself, but I'm all for free outdoor concerts.

This picture says a lot about how I've been feeling lately.

I like this non-verbal blogging. :)

Say it with me ...

Slide. {giggle}

SURFING LESSON I'm web savvy. Very web savvy. Trust me, I just am. I'm not fabulous at programming and I don't even know all the hip little corners of the Internet. But I know how to zip around it like like no one else. So, I'm going to occasionally offer some more tips now, called Surfing Lessons. Today's tip: Did you know that in IE (and browsers that use IE, like Netcaptor) if you hit the Shift key while clicking a link, it will open in a new browser? Goodbye right-click-open-link-in-new-window! Unfortunately, the new window opens on top in IE, which is not ideal, but they do open underneath in Netcaptor! (If you are new to my blog, you will quickly find that my favorite web browser is Netcaptor.) This is a very useful trick when clicking open several links from a page of search results, many pictures in a gallery or any other situation where you're going to want to open more than one link from a single page. It's also super-handy if you're on dial-up and want all the pages to load simultaneously so you can flip through them quickly. And thus concludes today's lesson. It's still frickin' hot here in my office, but it's supposed to be less hot outside today. Still no A/C. Booooooooo! And don't forget the Big Apple Blog Bash.

That was me yesterday. Matt and Marcia called me out to Bryant Park, where we sat and basked in the sun for an hour or so. It was lovely. Thanks guys. :) Today I am cooped up in an un-air-conditioned office with lots and lots of work to do. It is sweltering. Luckily, my busy-ness (business? busyness?) has kept my mind off the sweat dotting my forehead.

My friends crack me up ... Friend: The international community will not tolerate this much longer Friend: I guess Europe is talking about putting trade sanctions on Israel See Solly: really? See Solly: wow See Solly: you know, i've been reading, in these itty bitty stories in the paper, See Solly: that there have been a lot of anti-semetic attacks in france Simultaneously ... Another Friend: oooh...i just found lipgloss in my desk Another Friend: happy day! See Solly: :-) You guys are awesome!

And look at me ... still at home and everyone else is at work ... shame on me. I'm going now!

My new favorite web site is Encarta. I was talking to Mike the other day about the Israeli-Palestinan conflict after he sent out an email asking for us to support Israel. We had a nice discussion about it. Turns out Rod is doing a lot of the same kind of research and study on the conflict as I am. Encarta is one of the places he's been looking up information. I went there last night, and what a great site! I feel smarter just going there! I've had a couple of wonderful intellectual debates this week. Intellectual property and open-source. Israel and Palestine. Journalistic objectivity. If you feel like having an intelligent conversation (i.e. something other than gossip or low-brow humor) come talk to me. (If you do want to gossip or make stupid jokes, come talk to me too!) My family is coming to visit tomorrow. I'm very excited. It's my uncle's 65th surprise birthday party (hope he's not reading this!). And my brother and his girlfriend are coming to visit too! It'll be quite the party. And Jen's family is having a reunion too, this, her last weekend in the U.S. of A. And Biren and Mike are both driving down to visit their families. So many people moving around! I hope everyone travels safely! Oh, and, I don't know if this interests you, but last night I was also reading online about the heart condition I had when I was young, Patent Ductus Arteriosus. Fascinating reading. First of all, I was really excited to read that the decription of the condition is exactly what my parents told me it was. I was afraid that hearing it through a child's ears and having years pass, my interpretation of it would have been skewed. But it's exactly what I thought. Second, what a rare case I must have been! PDA is a connection between an artery and the aorta, and "persistence of this fetal structure beyond 10 days of life is considered abnormal." I had mine fixed surgically when I was 6 years old and it sounds as though most cases are found within the first year or two of life. Other interesting factiods: * "Females are 2-3 times more likely than males to develop PDA." That's me. * A test they give to diagnose the seriousness of the condition is an Electrocardiogram. I remember having that test. They put these little sticky pads all over my chest that could be plugged into a machine. Like Elliott in ET. * "Postoperative results are best if closed while the patient is younger than 3 years. ... Patent ductus arteriosus is a common problem in premature infants and is less likely to be noted as gestational age increases to full term. Occasionally, an older child [me] is referred with the late discovery of a typical ductus arteriosus murmur (eg, machinery or continuous murmur)." Uh oh. And that explains a lot too. The doctors I've seen most of my life, when I tell them what I had, they look at me funny when I tell them I was six when I had it corrected. Like they didn't believe me, or that I am confused about what I had. Now I understand: kids are not usualy as old as 6 when it's corrected. * "An increased incidence of elevated pulmonary vascular resistance and pulmonary hypertension occurs if closed in those older than 3 years." I don't know what that means for me, but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. At this point, anyway. I'm sure this was all boring to you, but I was riveted. It was like unraveling a mystery. I was so young when it all happened that I can't really say what was going on, I just remember things like what crafts I made while in the hospital and having bandages ripped off. It all feels clearer to me now. Validating that some of my childhood memories were real. (You know what I mean ... so long ago, memories feel more dream-like.) I heard a commercial on the radio not too long ago for New York Presbyterian Hospital, where I had my surgery, and it was about how they specialize in pediatric heart conditions. That's where they had the first infant heart transplant, they said in the ad. And I knew that! When I was in the hospital, I remember my mom pointing out the TV cameras as they went down the hallway and then watching it on TV. I'm sure this was the most boring blog post of mine that you've ever read. But this is stuff that I found personally fascinating and that's why I thought I would share. Thanks for listening.

I WANT TO BE OUTSIDE!!! That's all I have to say today.

Good morning. I can't be sure about this, but I think I was pregnant in my dream last night. And I'm sure it's because I was talking to Sassy yesterday about baby stuff. It was interesting, the dream. But nothing I care to explore any more deeply than that for a long time. But not too long, I guess, as I read in the newspaper I love and loathe: Don't expect pregnancy at 40: study. Boo. And, if you've never been there, check out my friend Marcia's blog, The Daily Dose. She's an atheist who loves Linux, political activism and silly stuff. I almost always find something to click on there. And she updates constantly. (By the way, I'm just procratinating getting dressed and getting to work. I guess I really should get going now ...)

Oh, and, it's pookie's birthday today. Happy birthday, Ozzie! How lame am I? Celebrating a cat's birthday ... [sigh] :P

My new hobby is following the conflict in Israel. Eleanor asked me if it's going to be too depressing. I said no. I'm mostly catching myself up on the history of what's going on and following the news. If it does get depressing, I'll back off. But so far it's pretty interesting reading. I'm no expert yet, but I'm definitely farther ahead than I was a few days ago. Not much else to say, but here are a few short, quick things. * I don't feel very well. * My family is coming this weekend, which will be fun. * Sassy's having a baby girl, to be named Hunter Elizabeth, and will be married on May 30. * And I'm hungry. Talk to you later.

An excerpt from today's New York Times: All Edison offerings have been developed to address the same, age-old frustration: that failing schools have been largely unmoved by past interventions. So, the Edison rationale goes, why not enlist a for-profit entity with a management team drawn from the faculty and administrative ranks of elite universities and top school districts, as well as the boardrooms of Fortune 500 companies? In service of that message, Edison has established a marketing, media and government relations operation that is far more sophisticated and aggressive than those of many corporations, let alone most school systems. Is this an incredible compliment to my little group of six ... or have we duped them all? :)

Consider my batteries to be recharged. I just had one of the best trips to Boston I have ever had. The party on Saturday night was a roaring success. The place was packed with over 50 people. Rob spun fire. We got wasted. We danced. And we laughed harder than we have in a really long time. It even snowed.

Thank you Jen, Eleanor, Heather, Amy, Nora, Rob, Kayte, Tammy, John, Mike, Sean, Will, Dan, Suzanne, Dave, Biren, Jeff, Kristen, Angela, Lee, Dean, Lisa, Niril, the other Suzanne, Holger, Jon, Adam, Meg, Carolyn, the other Sean, Emma: I had a blast.

I'm a lucky girl to have friends like these. :)

And ... only 1 hour until I leave for my 3-day mini-vacation! I'm leaving for Boston in the morning and I'll be back on Sunday, tired and very very happy. Ciao, dahlings!

For the web savvy kids in the audience: Want to learn a trick? Got a page you want to see, but you can't because you don't have the password to get in? If it's been spidered by Google, you can see it without the password. Go to Google. Do a domain restricted search for a term that you know is on the page you're trying to get to. When you find the result you're looking for, click the Cached link and you will see the last version of the page that Google saw as it passed by. Pretty neat, huh? (Or am I the last to figure this one out?) I use this trick all the time when looking for newspaper articles that you have to buy a subscription to see.

Three days later, I've found that the one joke I did play on someone on April Fool's Day went perfectly and my victim fell for it completely. Angela, who played all those tricks on me years and years ago is still paying for it, ladies and gents. I wrote up a lovely 'AP' article about a scientist in California who discovered that overuse of a vibrator can make orgasm through intercourse almost impossible for some women. I emailed it to her. She bought it. I have a great feeling of satisfaction. :) Guess all those years in journalism weren't for nothing, huh, Mom and Dad? Ha ha ha ... just kidding!

I have a goal. I want to teach myself to speak better. I want to sound like an adult. No more "likes," "whatevers," or ... I don't know what else I say that makes me sound uneducated, but I want to cut it out. "Yes," not "yep" or "yeah." I think this is going to be tough, but I know it's possible. (Hey, I have a friend who taught herself to have a semi-Biritish accent, like Madonna.) And, in the same vein, I want to start practicing the art of brevity. I use too many words to explain simple things. And as a friend noted a few weeks ago, "Women never answer a 'yes or no' question with a yes or no." Very insightful, and I've found it to be true ever since he said it (speaking mostly of myself). So, let's see how this goes. Wish me luck!

On a lighter note, did I ever tell you that a girl I went to elementary school and junior high with is now a professional football cheerleader? Oh hahahahahah!!! I just realized she was in a calendar too! Hoo boy. And to think, I had her over to my house to swim in our pool. I assure you though, she wasn't wearing a swimsuit anything like that.

What Women Want: Have you ever seen this movie? With Mel Gibson?
It's pretty dumb, but the first half is pretty funny and worth watching.
Anyway, even if you haven't seen it, it's about this guy who can read women's minds, hear what they're thinking. And what he discovers is that most women don't say what they're thinking; most skirt the truth and lie.
Except Helen Hunt. She actually says what's on her mind.
I think I'm like that. Or I try to be. I guess it does get me in trouble sometimes, but I think that's just how things are. I think I'd rather be a person who speaks her mind and the truth than a person who always says what people want to hear to make them feel better. Especially friends. I respect them enough to tell the truth, and hope they respect me enough for speaking it.
Of course, I also have to be prepared to hear the truth and not always have people tell me what I want to hear. Which is hard, no bones about that, so I sympthize with the people on the other end of my honesty. Just thinking out loud.
On a different topic, I came up with a theory yesterday. As we get older, men get smarter and women get more cynical. Think about it ... whaddaya think about that?

So? Were you duped yesterday, April Fool's Day? I was once. I was listening to the radio when they announced that there were going to be preview screenings of Star Wars Episode II that night, wouldn't be shown again until May 16, call your local theater. I was online at the time and went to moviefone.com and scurried around it, looking for a notice about the preview. I couldn't find it and gave up, figuring that I probably wouldn't be able to get a ticket anyway. Silly me. It wasn't until hours later -- yes, hours -- that I realized it was a joke. Tell me anything fun you did or saw on April Fool's Day. And, Dad, you'll be very happy to know that I watched The Pink Panther last night, the Peter Sellers movie you've encouraged me to see for years and years. Yeay! (Who knew the Pink Panther was actually a diamond? Not me, I tell you.) Now I just have to see A Shot in the Dark, Return of the Pink Panther, The Pink Panther Strikes Again and Casio Royale just for kicks. I love Peter Sellers. You should too.

To keep in the limerick theme ...

"Caryn, what's with you and that black cloud? Don't you know a frown is not allowed?" As you may have guessed, I'm feeling a little depressed. But when the party comes, I'll certainly join the crowd. :)

I tried to post a cute picture of a kitten and a baby chick but something's not going right. Oh well. Happy Easter! Happy Spring! Yesterday, I put together a puzzle. When was the last time you did that? I hadn't in a long time and it was pretty fun. I've been staying at home a lot lately, which has its advantages. For example, I have lots of time to pamper myself. Face masks, pedicures, shaving, lotion, filing my nails. (So I can look fab for the big bash next weekend, which you are invited to, whoever you are.) Now I'm just babbling and wasting your time. Sorry. Have a nice day!

Hello hello ... I picked up my American Pie 2 In-Demand Pay-Per-View prize pack from the post office today. Very strange contents of 2 boxes. The first one I opened had one of these inside. I'm not sure what to make of it. In the other box was an American Pie 2 paint can filled with wet things: a paint-covered visor, shrink-wrapped T-shirt, and a deflated mouse pad with a hole in it (which, I'm deducing, is where all the water came from that got everything wet). Have you ever written a limerick? I'm not sure I had, until yesterday. Between Sean and I, as well as Eleanor and Biren, we cranked out over 40 yesterday. Sean is surprisingly good at them. Here's one of my favorites: There once was a man named Will Who owned a big sword, made to kill. "Stab me right here!" Sean said with no fear. Stupid drunks, Sean's blood certainly did spill. And no more complaining about money. I'm done with that. There's nothing to be done about it, so I just have to accept it and reduce my stress.

Whee! I have Netcaptor back!!! (I uploaded the free version I have at home to my web site last night so I could download it today at work.) I'm so happy to have it back! Yeay! (Pssst! If you want to try it and have some webspace that I can upload it to, I'd be happy to. And if you do try it and want some tips and tricks on how to make the best of it, let me know and I will show you all the glory of Netcaptor.) ... Why do I have a feeling no one cares about Netcaptor but me, the web geek? Do you know what the girls in my group here at work have nicknamed me? Caryn "www" Solly. [sigh] :P

Have I ever told you about Netcaptor? It's the most wonderful web browser. I don't know how to surf the web without it anymore. Today, its registration expired -- and I am lost. It's such a clever program that I can't even figure a way around having to purchase the software. I'm going to keep trying though. Serial killer action figures Pop-up toilets Brad Pitt not looking his best Memento won something! and ... Edison, finally, wins a contract in Philly I've been at work for a while now, already. I wanna go home already too. [sigh] If you are reading this, say hello to me. I'm bored.

a not-so-comic strip by me

A few pet peeves that have irked me in recent moments ... 1. People who don't respect fire drills. Sounds dumb, but it really pisses me off when people just sit at their desks during a drill. Is that what they'd do in a real fire? We had a false alarm today and only about 7 people went out into the hall. Everyone else was walking around asking, "Is this a fire drill?" So annoying. 2. Person X asks me to email or call Person Y, then get back to Person X with the answer. Why don't you just email or call that person yourself??? In the time it took you to email me, you could have done it yourself. I'm in a mood ... which, if you've noticed, is why I'm staying off Instant Messenger. I don't want to inflict my nastiness on you.

I am smack in the middle of purging my feelings about my money woes. It's gotten me pretty upset, but I think everything will be OK. And I have some ideas to de-stress, like exercising a lot more. Now that I've quit smoking (4 weeks, people!), I've been feeling much more energetic and active. I think getting out for a run every night, especially now that the weather's getting warmer, will make me feel really good. Yes, I'm liking this idea. Follow the run with a nice cool-down session of yoga ... Ooh, I'm feeling more relaxed just thinking about it ...

What Video Game Character Are You? I am Mario.

I am Mario. I like to jump around, and would lead a fairly serene and aimless existence if it weren't for my friends always getting into trouble. I love to help out, even when it puts me at risk. I seem to make friends with people who just can't stay out of trouble. What Video Game Character Are You?

Ooh! I thought of something fun and happy. On Friday night, I picked up 2 more fish for my aquarium, a sharky black guy and a cute yellow girl. Their names are Ace and Ginger, main characters of one of my favorite movies. The first person who emails me with the title will get a prize from me. ("Can't be a very good prize if you're broke, Caryn." I know.)

Wah! And I just spilled soda all over my suede jacket. Can I go home yet?

All my bills are paid and I am broke as a joke. I hate that this keeps happening to me: start paying my bills on time, making some headway, and then something stupid comes along to suck away my money. The latest was $500 in repairs for my car. (For those keeping score, that's $1,000 I have spent fixing my car in the last 6 months.) I'm thinking about selling it. Anyone want a car?

Take the What Explosive am I? quiz

It's late and my tummy hurts, so I will be brief. 1. Oscars, woo hoo! Pissed that A Beautiful Mind won Picture, but glad Russell Crowe didn't win anything. Love Halle Berry! The writing of the show was better than ever. I really want to see Monster's Ball and Training Day now. Lord of the Rings = 4 woo hoo! Moulin Rouge = 2 woo hoo! Momento = 0 boo! 2. Had a great weekend with Sean and Heather. Took a stroll on the beach, played lots of Settlers of Catan, went for Indian food, lots of drinks, played more Settlers. I had a great time. Thanks for coming to visit, guys. :) It was nice to see Jeff too (and we're glad he didn't get arrested at that party he went to in Harlem). 3. I realized this weekend why exactly I hate the term "Groud Zero" as the site of the World Trade Center. I've never liked the term, and now I can put into words why. Ground Zero connotes that it was the epicenter, the beginning, of something. I don't really consider that to be true, really, because all of the conflict that led up to the tragedy has been going on for years and years. I dunno ... Maybe that's not right, but that's how I'm seeing it. Going to bed. Night, sweet peas.

I think y'all like these, so here's another ...

You're the 80's Man!
No, you're not a cross-dresser. You're just the odd-shaped 80's lego man! You love the classic legos, and you're not into all these new-fangled expensive kits. Why settle for the new when the old is just as good, and far less expensive!

Take the "What Lego character are you?" test!

Odd-shaped??? (And they're wrong. Matt and I played with and loved the outer space sets of Legos. So :P)

Last week, I was talking with a pal and he said that he valued me because I was his least complicated friend. I took that as a great compliment. And even thinking about it today, almost two weeks later, it still makes me smile.

In the last aquarium I owned, I named the fish in alphabetical order so I could keep track of how many fish I went through. (Sadistic, huh?) Arnold, Beatrice, Conan, Dolly, etc. I think we got up to L or M. I can't remember. So now I have my new tank, new fish, new naming system. You're not going to be shocked but this time I'm naming my fish after some of my favorite movie characters. My first three fish, which I picked up last night, are to be known from this day forward as Tyler, Jack and Marla. (By the way, Ozzie, my cat, could care less about the fish. He had more fun knocking the little container of fish food off the table. I'm disappointed. I wanted to see him paw at the glass endlessly. Oh well. I like the fish.) And, did you know that when you're buying a MetroCard with change only, the machine will only let you put in 30 coins before it cuts you off? You do now, and so do I.

I know I'm not alone here, but, my God, as much as we love them, men can be the most infuritaing creatures ever. I really don't think I need to explain that further.

*Take the What Muppet Are You?* Quiz!**
	I am Kermit! Though I'm technically the star, I'm pretty mellow and don't mind letting others share the spotlight. I am also something of a dreamer.

When I oversleep, I usually wake up with a frazzled feeling. And a parking ticket. :(

La la la ... What a nice weekend I've had. We had a really nice girls weekend: a lot of sitting around, drinking, telling funny stories, gossiping and just enjoying one anothers' company. A very successful visit, I would say. Hope you had a nice weekend too, whatever you did. :)

Jen and Eleanor are right here next to me! And Amy's on her way! Woo hoo!

Go Ask Alice is one of my favorite web sites, next to Webshots and IMDb (who don't get links right now because I'm lazy and you should know how to find them by now). Go Ask Alice gives advice to people who write in with a question about sex, drugs, general health, relationships, whatever. The answers are always complete, laced with good humor and free of any judgement. I've been reading it for about 5 years now and still love it. And the archives are wonderful. Check it out.

I will not be wearing a tank top when I go out this weekend. In fact, anything but long sleeves is pretty much out of the question. Because I have a gigantic bruise on my forearm, given to me by me, with love, last night. It all came about in a fiasco involving setting up my awesome fish tank (thanks Heather!), testing the questionable table it was on to see if it would break, having it break, trying to catch the tank as it fell to the floor (the phase of the fiasco where I caught the bruise) and then cleaning up several gallons of water off the floor, before choosing a new stand for the tank and setting it up all over again. So, no tank tops.

Since I've decided I have an affinity for winning things, I've decided to participate in even more. Every day, at work, I listen to Z100 over the Internet. And every day at 11am and 4pm, they have a contest; if you're the 100th caller when you hear a certain song, you win $100 (or $1,000 if you are a ZVIP, which I am, thank you very much). Yesterday, for the 4pm contest, I was caller 20. I will let you know if I'm ever caller 100. Maybe I'll even give you one of my dollars. (Actually, if I win $1,000, I won't be hanging onto it for very long. I have a debt or two to pay off. :)

I think I might suffer from premenstrual dysphoric disorder. I made an appointment with a doctor to find out. I -- and everyone around me -- will have to continue to suffer until then.

seesolly.tripod.com (And no comments about the NSYNC pop-up on Tripod. It's on ALL Tripod sites, not just mine, OK?) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lookie: I won something! Hi & congratulations.... You have won an American Pie 2 In-Demand Pay-Per-View prize pack by registering on Z100.com. Your prize will be mailed out in 5-10 business days. Sincerely, Z100 Stand close to me more often. You can pick up some of the little things that fall off my overflowing prize cart. (Recall, if you will, a certain movie-playing aparatus I won around Christmastime ...)

OK, OK, ready for my list? 1. I can sew and alter my own clothes. 2. I collect postcards, movies and penguins (and I do have lots of each). 3. I donate platelets pretty often. 4. I care a lot. Too much, even. 5. I have the most fabulous head of hair. ;)

Can you do me a favor? Make a list of 5 things that make you unique. Spend some time thinking about it. You don't have to send it to me (though I would love to see them). I just think it's something you should do. (I'm still working on my list. I'll show it to you in a few days.)

Well, because I apparently don't think I've posted enough today, here I go. I chickened out on going to BU Alumni event tonight. For several reasons. To be honest, the biggest reason was that I didn't want to go by myself. Last time I went by myself, I had a great time. Not sure why I was scared to go alone this time. I just don't feel up for being super outgoing tonight, which is what going alone would require. Second, I've quit smoking. It has been a week since I quit, and today was the first time I cheated in the last 7 days. I'm mad at myself for doing it, but nothing to be done now. I have been walking around all day dying for a cigarette and coming dangerously close to buying my own pack. I could not fathom going to a bar and not smoking tonight. Impossible. I would either spend all night being a mooch and pissing people off because I was asking for cigarettes all the time -- or I'd buy my own. Don't like either of those choices. (The no-smoking is going well. Until today, I didn't cheat, which has been much easier than the other times I've tried to quit and cheated the whole time. Hope I really do it this time!) So anyway, I'm home tonight instead of out. ONLY IN NEW YORK I am starting a new feature in my Blog: The "Only in New York" Moment of the Week. You'll see. Here is this week's: Today I saw a man wearing a costume that made it look like he was riding a horse (horse head, dangly legs, I think you know what I mean). Wearing one of those hats that has dreadlocks hanging from it. Singing a song that made no sense. On the subway. I took his picture.

Freaky And check out The Daily Dose, by my friend Marcia. She finds some wild stuff on the Internet and posts it for all to share. Thanks, Marcia. :)

I've been thinking about California a lot lately. I have a friend who lives in San Diego. THis weekend, I saw "Mulholland Drive," which takes place in Hollywood. I'm reading White Oleander, which also takes place in California (well, maybe it goes somewhere else, but that's where the story is now). I've never been there, but it looks like a dream world (the landscape, the people, the "vibe"). I never thought I'd be interested in going there; I've said so. I've said that I don't think I would like it and that it's not for me. But now I'm rethinking that. I'm thinking of visiting Rob in San Diego, which I probably will do (I don't know what's keeping me from making my reservations). Maybe I'll like it so much I'll want to move there some day. Do not mistake me: I love New York and do not plan on leaving anytime too soon. But I probably won't be here forever either. (Who knows!) Maybe Cali will be my next move ...

This is too funny. As many of you may know, Webshots is one of my most favorite web sites in the world. A few days ago, I sent around an ecard that I made from one of the millions of pictures hosted on Webshots. Heather replied to my card and asked, "Are there any other pictures of paul and his 'talent'? He's potentially cute." Indeed, I did find more pictures of Paul in the photo album of his friend who posted the first. Figuring it would never matter and just wanting to make Heather laugh, I posted the following to the girl's album guestbook (which had not been posted to in months): "My friend Heather (23, tall, beautiful, Boston) thinks Paul (the guy who can draw with his nose) is cute. He can email her at venusbyu@yahoo.com." Ooh, I'm hilarious. Anyway, Heather, the doll, opened her email this morning to find a message from someone named Paul, subject "i can draw with my nose and breathe with my hands." Paul writes: Hi! I guess this is kind of weird... my friend has a website which I just found out haas some pictures of me on it... (webshots) and this posting came up: ---------------- > My friend Heather (23, tall, beautiful, Boston) thinks > Paul (the guy who can draw with his nose) is cute. > He can email her at venusbyu@yahoo.com. ---------------- anyways, I'm pretty bored at work right now and I've never talked to anyone from Boston before (especially noone tall and beautiful ;-) so I thought I'd drop you a note.... Whats your strangest talent??? ;-P talk to ya soon! Paul I rock. ;) (And who knew Webshots was also a dating service? Wonders never cease.)

Why is it that I never get anything done on the weekends? For me -- in the past few months, anyway -- the weekend comes, and my brain just shuts down. I forget all the stuff I 'have' to do and just have fun. I'm not really complaining about it; I'm more productive during the week, so it makes sense that now is when I'll get that stuff done. It just seems silly that I'll spend so much time in my apartment, for example, and now, Monday morning, I'm thinking "I have to stay home and clean my apartment tonight." Why didn't I just clean it this weekend when I was here and had all the time in the world to do it? I don't know. But tonight, I'll be cleaning. :) [Pop Update: Songs I'm obsessed with this week -- "Underneath Your Clothes", Shakira; "Party All Night", Toya; "Video", India.Arie; "At the River", Groove Armada.]

Movies, movies, movies. That's all I've done so far this weekend. Dead Alive. The French Connection. Wall Street. Donnie Brasco. Mulholland Drive. The Dinner Game. And it's only Sunday morning. I need to get out today. I'd love to go for a walk in the park, but the weather's so yucky. I need to clean my apartment too. Not sure If I'm going to get there. Ho hum. Here's to lazy Sundays!

You are just going to die. I'M about to die (probably because you're going to kill me yourself). So, is everyone sick of me saying things along the lines of "Oh, so-and-so is SO cute, I could just eat him up!" I should hope so. I'm sick of it too. "Do you have a picture of him?" No, I don't. Well, I thought I didn't. I made the most frightening discovery the other day. How frightening? I almost fell out of my chair. Wanna know what the darling so-and-so looks like??? He looks j u s t l i k e the guy on the right in this picture. I'm so embarassed. . . . . . I watched "Dead Alive" last night. Have you seen this movie? Whew. What a trip. It's a horror movie, pretty basic. But the gore in this movie, I'd bet, is almost unparalleled. I had to stop eating my dinner, which I made the mistake of trying to eat while viewing this picture. Here are some factoids about "Dead Alive" (or "Braindead"), by "Lord of the Rings" director Peter Jackson. * During the lawnmower scene, blood was pumped at five gallons per second. * The video rental in Sweden (and probably other countries as well) came with supplemental vomitbags. I think you get the idea. Blech. (Oh, and, if I had been a Lord of the Rings fan, seen "Dead Alive" and then heard that he was going to direct the movie version of the Tolkien classic, it wouldn't have inspired much confidence.)

It's Blog, Blog, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood. It's Blog, Blog, it's better than bad, it's good! Everyone wants a Blog! You're gonna love it, Blog! Come on and get your Blog! Everyone needs a Blog! OK, so a Blog isn't made out of wood. But everyone's got one. Rupaul, Wesley Crusher, Eleanor, Rob, and now even Heather has one! Madness. Oh, and I have one too, but I have a feeling you already knew that. (Don't let me forget Marcia, Sassy, Jen, MTV's Adam Curry, Moby all have one ...) Weekend's almost here. Woo hoo! Hope you have a good one!

Hey hey! Guess what! One of the smartest and most interesting people I know, Eleanor, has started a blog of her own. And it changes color right in front of your very eyes! What more could you ask for? I guess it's time for an update of some sort, huh? OK. For a while there, when I wasn't posting much, I was dating quite a bit. But I was a bit put off from the idea of posting about it, thinking the boys might be checking out what I said about them. But now it's all over and I'm back to being pretty single. I had a 2-week break from boys that just ended because it was starting to get a bit maddening. But not in a bad way; I'm not complaining. The attention is very flattering. :) Since my cousin Barbara and her family moved back to the USA from Turkey last summer, she has made a wonderful effort to reach out to me. It's wonderful. I'm starting to feel part of a larger family than just my immediate family, which is such a nice feeling. I've always been a little envious of people like the aforementioned Eleanor who have close ties to many branches of her family. I spent last weekend at Barbara's, watching her 2 dogs and my aunt and uncle's dog as well. Can you imagine that? Me, with dogs? Wonders will never cease. Tonight I went for drinks with a bunch of friends from the ol' About.com. I had a great time. I'm about to sign my lease for a third year here in Chez Solly. Can you believe that either? I've been here in NYC for 2 years already! I'm telling ya - time flies when you're having fun. ... Which reminds me of something else I've been thinking about recently. All those chiches you hear over and over while growing up: they're cliches for a reason -- they're true. 'Time flies when you're haivng fun.' 'Time heals all wounds.' 'Nothing ventured, nothing gained.' When you're a teenager, you want to believe that those kinds of things don't apply to you and that your own problems are like nothing anyone else has ever experienced; no one understands you. But now, as a pseudo-adult, as I like to call myself, I see that they're all true. And they're kinda comforting. I think that's enough for tonight. I'm glad I'm back to posting. Hope to keep it a daily thing. Love you!

Hi. I'm back. Life is still interesting, I'm just getting the urge to post. :) So, here is a story for you to enjoy or spit on. Take your pick. Chapter 1: Jilted Will Chapter 2: Heather's Big Dreams Chapter 3: The Baddest Ass Chapter 4: Sean Pays Chapter 5: The New Enemy Chapter 6: Killer Beauty

:: busy concentrating on life and not the world wide web :: :: check back for when my life gets boring :: :: and I start posting again ::

Oh good. The Godfather is back on top, according to IMDb users. Phew.

This DVD player is killing me! Since getting it, I find myself staying up later and later to watch episodes of The Sopranos and Sex & the City, two highly addictive shows that I just can't stop watching. And it has been a nightmare to get up in the morning, because I stay up so late watching DVDs. Someone help me ...

Ouch, that hurts.

I had an appointment to donate platelets this morning at 7:30am. So I dragged my butt out of bed and made it to the subway on time. Long story short, they stopped all trains from running because someone was sick/died/killed at a station nearby. So I just went home and took a nap before coming to work. Heather took me out to sushi last night. I quite enjoyed it and will definitely try it again. Then we went to see In the Bedroom, which I really wanted to see because I had heard such great things about it. And, frankly, I'm not sure what the big deal is about it. I mean, it was well done, as Heather said, but, I don't know. Maybe I missed something. Oh, and I'm officially 24 now. I'm not sure how to feel about it. I have friends who are mere months younger than me calling me old, and coworkers and friends who are years older that are wishing they were only 24. So, I'm feeling pretty good about it. 23, and 2001, were just kinda crappy, so here's hoping that 24 and 2002 are a vast improvement. :) Cheers!

Hello hello. Sorry I haven't posted much this week, but I haven't really done anything. I'm broke as broke can be, so I've just been going to work and going home. Last Saturday I was so broke and so bored that I spent most of the day in bed. I counted that I was awake for about 6 hours all day. Ho hum. But I've been paid now and have an exciting weekend and week coming up. I'm going to Boston tomorrow (and dragging Heather along :) for a slammin' birthday bash (with special guests, all the way from Japan, Jen and Brad). And next Friday will be another party to be shared with ex-coworker Avram, who shares a birthday with me. Fun stuff coming up. Oh, and, I have a new fun thing. Netflix. It's a web site that you can rent DVDs from. They had an offer for a free trial, and I think I'm already hooked. So simple: set up a queue of movies you want to rent, they send you 3, return them whenever you want, and they'll send you the next one, two or three in your queue. No due dates, no late fees. And it's not that expensive: $19.95 a month for as many movies as you want. Seems a little too good to be true, but it's pretty fab so far. It does take movies about 3 or 4 days to get to you, but I figure, if I space out my returns, I can be getting a new movie in the mail every other day or so. (The package comes with the return envelope and postage. The packaging is actually quite simple and genius. I'm impressed.) So, there ends my plug for Netflix.

Check this out: IMDb's Top 250 (according to user ratings) Lord of the Rings overshot the Godfather? Must be a ton of people that gave it a 10. People are really fanatical about that movie, and though I do agree it is wonderful, not sure it's the top of all time. I'm a little sad to see this list topped by it.

Will did it. He is the only one who has been able to successfully cheer me up in the past few days. ============================================= ----Original Message Follows---- To: Caryn From: Will Sshhhhsss. Don't tell, but I think Eleanor is pregnant. She was dropping hints about it today when we went for lunch. ----Original Message Follows---- To: Will From: Caryn What? ----Original Message Follows---- To: Caryn From: Will well, we were looking at pictures of her family over Thanksgiving. And she was showing me pictures of her cousin Joe. Well, she said that she hopes her baby turns out like Joe. Then she got kind of red and changed the subject very quickly about her sister looking like her (which she doesn't). I didn't say anything, but strange, huh? ----Original Message Follows---- To: Eleanor From: Caryn Hey, I can't keep this one to myself. Will is telling me he thinks you're pregnant, that you were dropping some hints. What's up? Love, Caryn ----Original Message Follows---- To: Will From: Caryn Hmmm ... I don't know if that means anything. Girls just say that kind of thing sometimes. And maybe she and John have talked about it. Don't scare me like that. (I already shot off an email to her asking what's up - Bad Will! Sorry, pal. I couldn't get freaked out like that by you and not say anything to her.) ----Original Message Follows---- To: Caryn From: Will Oh, silly Caryn. I was pulling your leg the whole time! See, this is revenge for trying to make me think that you hated Eleanor, while Eleanor was very excited to see you. Oh, I'm rolling on the floor. I hope this cheered you up a bit too. ----Original Message Follows---- To: Will From: Caryn OOOOOOOOOOHH!!! Hahahaha. You have done it. You've done what few -- if any -- have been able to do over the past few days: cheer me up. Well done. I tip my hat to you. :) ============================================= Nice job. I totally deserved that for all the tricks we've played on him. I am cheered, and back to myself. Thank goodness. I was beginning to hate hanging around me, too.

Mom, Dad ... close your ears ... fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck How is it that life knows when something goes wrong to slap a few other mishaps into your lap, just to make it all a little more challenging? One thing slips up, and it sucks. Then another. And, just to top it off, add a few more. Soon, you're -- er, I'm -- in a hole, and from that hole everything starts to look rotten. I guess this is payback for having such a great few months. I'm going to go cry now. Maybe that will make me feel better. At least temporarily. Tomorrow, I'll try to fix everything. Or at least some of it.

George Lucas ... I am so disappointed in you. [link]

Oh, look at me, the budding little web developer. First of all, CSS is awesome. Goodbye tables! Goodbye font tags! (And, if you know it, bookmark this page. So helpful.) And now I'm learning JavaScript. Wanna see what I can do so far? Click here. Wheee!

A few months ago, I noticed that someone had moved in in the apartment above mine. Sounded like whoever was living there was moving furniture eery night for weeks. Now, my new neighbor plays bongo drums. I'm not joking. Tonight, I have been treated to quite a recital. At least he or she is good at it, right?

Remember that vacation checklist I made? Let's see how I'm doing, with 2 days left here in Chesterfield. * Put all my photos into albums. I've bought the albums, just haven't stuck in the pics yet. Maybe I'll do that today. * Start learning javascript, asp, css and more. (Gotta catch up with some webby pals about what's the most important to learn.) I've got books to learn CSS and Javascript, and I decided not to go for the ASP book because I'm not exactly sure what I would use it for. I'm a good way through my CSS book and loving it. It's written terribly, but I'm still getting it. And I'm so ecited about all the stuff I'm going to be able to do with it now. Look for a redesign of my site within a few weeks. * Maybe start a writing project that I can get excited about. Um, no, I have no ideas in this area. But I used the word mybe, so I don't feel I'm required to meet this goal. * Try not to be online too much! :P Doing very well. Check email a few times a day, but that's about it. :) * Catch up with some old friends. Done. Saw my friend Anne on Monday, saw pal Lance Wednesday and I think I'm going to karaoke tonight with some other people, but not sure about that yet. * Pay my bills. Done. :) Got no money left, but that is all taken care of. * Go for a few tans to get a little bit o' color on my pastey bod. Also done. :) * Send Christmas cards? :P Ha ha ha ... not done. * R E L A X ! Done. :)

I have been living a lie. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to lead you all on, it was just easier to lie than to explain the whole truth. It started out small and now it's grown into something that's spread among all of you, my friends. I didn't mean for this to get so out of hand and have you all believe something that isn't true. I know I was wrong to do it, but I'm here to try and make it all right. I am not from St. Louis, Missouri. I am from a town called Chesterfield, Missouri. It' just outside the city of St. Louis in St. Louis County. When people ask where I'm from St. Louis a much nicer answer to give than "Missouri," which people cannot identify with at all and probably just conjure up images of farm fields or something. And to say "Chesterfield" would mean even less. Saying I'm from St. Louis lends a little more identity to where I come from. At least people can think of a baseball team and maybe that there is a large arch as a landmark. But that's not where I live. I'm from the suburbs, half an hour from the Gateway Arch and Busch Stadium, home of the Cardinals. I live near shopping malls with parking as far as the eye can see, grocery stores surrounded with minivans, high schools with huge football stadiums, the levees along the Missouri River, movie theaters with 16 screens, 20 screens and 24 screens (there isn't much else to do other than go to the movies). From now on, when people ask where I am from, I will be more honest. I'm sorry I've mislead you. I'll never do it again.

shallow thoughts by csolly

Monday, February 24, 2003

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